15 Phrases Men Use That Instantly Make People Not Trust Them, According To Psychology
Certain words can raise instant red flags.
HC Digital | Unsplash You've heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words." That’s generally true, but some phrases reveal important information about the person who speaks them and instantly flag that person as untrustworthy.
Sometimes, the words from a man's mouth demonstrate attitudes and beliefs that should cause you to tread carefully. Listen for these phrases as they show you the signs you can't trust someone.
Here are 15 phrases men use that instantly make people not trust them, according to psychology:
1. 'I won’t ever talk about it'
Do you feel barred from certain aspects of this person’s life? If so, you have to wonder what lies behind those walled-off areas. Healthy relationships require some level of openness. Complete conversational barriers suggest potential deception or shame.
There are legitimate reasons for communication boundaries, trauma, legal issues, or protecting others' privacy. However, the absolute phrasing "won't ever" suggests permanence that can feel threatening to relationship development.
2. 'Let’s get married' (if said too soon)
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Under the right circumstances, these are amazing words. However, some people hurry the process out of insecurity, desperation, or unrealistic expectations about what is needed to create an enduring and satisfying union, as supported by 2020 research.
The rushed timeline prevents the natural relationship progression that would reveal incompatibilities or concerning behaviors. When someone pushes for permanent commitment before you've seen them handle stress, conflict, or mundane daily life, it can signal either emotional immaturity or intentional manipulation.
3. 'Why should I have to explain everything to you?'
Research from Brigham Young University on honesty and deception in intimate relationships suggests that if your date is defensive or sensitive when you ask simple questions, they might be hiding something. This phrase attempts to reframe normal relationship communication as unreasonable demands.
This is a form of gaslighting that makes the questioner doubt whether their natural curiosity or concern is valid. Healthy relationships involve mutual accountability and openness. Partners in secure relationships generally want to share information that helps their partner understand them better.
4. 'Come on, it was just a little lie'
A person’s willingness to lie should serve as a big red alert about their character and emotional health. Research from Duke University demonstrates that dishonesty tends to escalate gradually.
People who rationalize "small" lies often progress to larger deceptions because each transgression makes the next one feel more acceptable. The phrase "just a little lie" suggests someone already comfortable with this escalation pattern.
5. 'I’m bored'
Some people need constant action and busyness to feel satisfied. They easily become restless, making it hard to relax in their presence. Another danger: This person may quickly get bored with your relationship.
When someone frequently declares boredom, it often becomes their partner's implicit responsibility to provide stimulation and excitement. This creates an exhausting dynamic where one person becomes the relationship's entertainment director while the other remains a passive consumer of experiences.
6. 'Can I borrow some money?'
Loaning money to a romantic partner is fraught with danger. At the very least, a request for a loan shows the person is not conscientious about money management.
Be especially wary when you are chatting online with someone who asks to borrow money, as explained in online dating fraud research from the University of Warwick.
7. 'No, duh'
Insert your sarcastic phrase here. Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) agrees that sarcasm stings, even when the other person insists it’s “just a joke.” Biting humor is a sign of insensitivity and superiority.
Some experts argue that this is actually a form of gaslighting. It forces the victim to question whether their hurt feelings are valid while allowing the perpetrator to avoid accountability.
8. 'You can trust me'
Trustworthy people usually don’t need to proclaim their ability to be trusted. Instead, they demonstrate their reliability through actions, day in and day out.
Declaring 'you can trust me' serves as a way to maintain their positive self-concept while continuing untrustworthy behavior; they can point to their verbal assurances as 'proof' of their good intentions. When someone prioritizes saying they're trustworthy over actually being trustworthy, it reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of how trust operates.
9. 'I’m right, you’re wrong'
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A healthy relationship is impossible with someone who insists on always being right and reacts strongly to any suggestion otherwise. It transforms normal disagreements into power struggles and makes genuine partnership nearly impossible.
Research from the Gottman Institute shows that successful couples approach conflicts as 'us against the problem' rather than 'me against you.' This phrase automatically creates an adversarial dynamic that prevents collaborative solutions.
10. 'Our relationship is fine the way it is. Why do we need a commitment?
Some people want the best of both worlds — the security of their dating relationship and the freedom to date others, as suggested by a study from the APA on failure to commit.
This creates an inherently unbalanced dynamic where one person invests emotionally in a future while the other explicitly refuses to do so. Partners who are denied this security from a healthy relationship often experience chronic stress and uncertainty that affects their overall wellbeing.
11. 'Well, that was stupid'
Research from Arizona State University on toxic romantic behaviors helps explain that if someone puts you down or tries to make you feel inferior, consider this a warning sign of more trouble ahead.
This casual cruelty masquerading as honest feedback reveals deep-seated patterns of disrespect and emotional abuse. What appears to be a simple criticism is actually a calculated attack on someone's intelligence and self-worth.
12. 'Just do it the way I told you to'
Beware those who need to take control of every situation and be in charge. In the name of being “helpful,” some people want to micromanage your life.
When someone consistently demands that others follow their instructions without question, they violate this fundamental need. This creates a vicious cycle where the victim's growing dependency 'proves' to the controller that their dominance is necessary and justified.
13. 'How could you say that to me? That’s so mean'
This is a red-alert phrase if you have gently and sensitively offered feedback or made a suggestion. People who are hypersensitive to criticism may be insecure or narcissistic, as explored in APA research on narcissism and sensitivity to criticism.
When partners learn that any feedback will trigger dramatic emotional reactions, they begin to self-censor to avoid causing distress. This trains partners to avoid bringing up issues, effectively giving the hypersensitive person control over relationship conversations.
14 'How can you believe that?'
You may feel stifled if your opinions and beliefs are not respected. This pattern often extends beyond specific topics to general attitudes about the partner's judgment, creating a hierarchy where one person's thinking is inherently superior to the other's.
Healthy responses to different beliefs involve what experts call intellectual humility. This is the recognition that one's own perspective might be incomplete or incorrect.
15. 'Don’t you feel lucky to be with me?'
Some people exude arrogance and aloofness, signaling you’re fortunate to be in their presence. A relationship can thrive only when both partners feel grateful and blessed to be together.
When someone demands acknowledgment of their superiority, it destroys this balance by positioning the relationship as a favor rather than a partnership. This phrase explicitly establishes a hierarchy where one person is the prize and the other is the fortunate recipient, making genuine partnership impossible.
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