If A Person In Your Life Is Low Quality, These 11 Signs Should Tell You In An Obvious Way
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Everyone has that one friend who brings everyone down. They may seem pretty normal on the surface, but underneath a shiny exterior hides a person who sees the world through a dark lens. Normal conflicts become big fights, a little cold becomes a health catastrophe, and they react to authentically happy people like a vampire stepping into the sunlight. If a person in your life is low quality like this, you need to look for the signs.
Why? Because the people you surround yourself with matter more than you think. According to a report published by Healthline, "What it all comes down to is the transfer of moods, behaviors, and emotions among people in a group. And this group doesn’t have to be only best friends and loved ones — most research says that it can extend up to three degrees of separation."
It would be great if you could simply cut these people out of your life, but picking out the rotten apples isn't always easy. In fact, at first you may not recognize the signs of a low-quality person. Luckily, there are specific indications that point to a not-so-great individual.
If a person in your life is low quality, these 11 signs should tell you in an obvious way
1. They have no respect for your boundaries
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Most, if not all people, have unspoken boundaries that shouldn't be crossed and most people understand that. That's why one big indicator of someone in your life being low quality is that they don't respect your boundaries, even after you've verbally shared what they are.
If someone constantly infringes on your boundaries, it can mean they don't understand how boundaries work. Maybe they were raised in a boundary-less household and never learned. If that's the case, they should respond well and adapt once you lay yours out clearly. If not, that person simply doesn't care about respecting them (or you).
According to researchers, "Flexible personal boundaries are considered the healthiest and most adaptive. People with flexible boundaries can effectively establish boundaries and defend their needs while also being open to interaction and communication with others." Low quality people simply don't — and likely won't — get it.
2. They have zero empathy
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Empathy, which is the ability to imagine another person's experience, even when it is different from one's own, is shown to play a significant role in the expression of needs, desires, connections, and the sharing of experiences. This is why it's important to have people in your life who can empathize and connect with you, even if they don't understand the situation completely.
One study found that feeling misunderstood leads to higher stress levels, lower life satisfaction, lower motivation, and less healthy cortisol levels. So, if you have someone in your life who can't empathize with you, it's best to cut them off. Not only are they a low-quality person, but they may be a hazard to your well-being.
3. They refuse to take accountability for mistakes
New Africa | Shutterstock
It's never a good sign if someone in your life refuses to take accountability for their actions, and it can indicate that they aren't a high-quality individual.
According to licensed counselor Dr. Raheem Lay, LCSW-S, EIC, people have many reasons for avoiding accountability. For some, it has to do with the fear of failure. For others, it may be that they have a bad habit of shifting blame. Low quality people often aren't self-aware, so they may not even realize that they are afraid, ashamed or that they're shifting blame.
Regardless, people who refuse to take responsibility haven't matured enough, making them people to avoid. After all, the people around you influence you, even if you don't notice it happening. And you deserve better than to accept that others aren't as accountable as you are.
4. They're extremely critical
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Criticism isn't always a bad thing, but like anything in life, there's a need for balance. Well-intentioned criticism is designed to help a person be more successful in reaching a goal. Unfortunately, those who criticize others don't understand this.
Low quality people will go to unimaginable lengths to prove a point or to knock you down a peg. Though it might not seem serious, unkind criticism should not be taken lightly.
One research study discovered that people are more vulnerable to mental health illness when they receive more criticism. With this in mind, it's probably best to distance yourself from low quality people like this. After all, you wouldn't want to harm your mental health or your relationship with others.
5. They belittle your achievements
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Reaching a big milestone in your life is a cause for celebration. But if you have a low-quality person in your life, don't be surprised if they make your achievements feel insignificant. They may even sabotage events that are planned around your success.
Why do they do this? Experts suspect it's because they feel self-conscious about themselves and their achievements and aren't comfortable facing that envy because it makes them feel ashamed. Counselor Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed. adds that an envious person who can't find flaws will "humble" you to decrease your likability, even if it's untrue, biased, or irrelevant.
Steer clear of people who don't celebrate your wins. These individuals unfortunately don't have your best interests at heart and are likely overall low quality people that you don't need in your life.
6. They break promises
Bilanol | Shutterstock
Anyone with friends would like to think they can depend on their bestie's word. But people who constantly break promises aren't dependable and shouldn't be trusted to be in your life, at least not as a close friend. Not only are they low-quality individuals, they're also actively harming and betraying your trust.
Studies have shown that a betrayal of trust can lead to shock, loss, grief, anger, self-doubt, and lower self-esteem. This is particularly bad for people who are already struggling with their mental health. For example, this research showed that people with OCD saw an uptick in symptoms after they'd been betrayed.
No matter whether you're happy or struggling, betrayal can impact your mental health for the worse. So, don't feel too bad if you find yourself distancing yourself from low quality people who don't follow through on promises or break your trust. True friends will never leave you behind, no matter what.
7. They constantly lie
Brainslav Nenin | Shutterstock
This may seem obvious, but it's hard to trust someone who has lied to your face. Regardless of their intentions, lying is something emotionally immature people do when they feel can't express their inner thoughts. Low quality people have so little integrity, they start believing they can't tell the truth about anything.
Lying is also a relationship destroyer but. One study determined that lying doesn't just affect the person being lied to. It actually confuses the liar, making them less confident of the truth. Soon enough, they start to believe in the inflated version of themselves or the false story they've told.
If someone in your life is lying to you, confront them head-on. Find a way to work through it together or cut them off completely. Either way, be sure to put yourself first because low quality people won't simply stop lying.
8. They only care about themselves
fizkes | Shutterstock
Low-quality people are often incredibly selfish. No matter what they say, your gut will know that they only care about themselves.
If you're going through a tough time, their problems matter more than your own. If their problems aren't bigger, they will invent bigger ones or go out and create chaos so they don't have to show up for you. And as time goes on, it can make anyone feel alone, impacting your mental health negatively.
To avoid this, be sure that the conversations with your friends are on equal footing. If you find yourself silent while your friends ramble on about their own issues, try speaking up. You may have developed this pattern of behavior together, and it's up to you to try to change it. If you try and get shot down, think about the damage this person is doing to your sense of self.
9. They stir up drama because they're bored
Anna Barsukov | Shutterstock
If someone in your life enjoys starting drama because they're bored and have nothing better to do, it indicates they are a low-quality person and you don't need them in your life. After all, someone usually gets hurt when someone stirs up drama.
Though it might feel like fun and games, someone causing unnecessary drama can deplete you. As wild as it may seem, people often experience friendship burnout, which "happens quietly, slowly, and often with a sense of guilt. You care about the person, but something feels heavier than before," according to the experts behind the HAPHE method.
With all of that in mind, decide whether it's worth it to keep someone in your life who keeps adding unnecessary stress. You likely have enough to worry about and don't need a low-quality drama.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
10. They share your secrets
PeopleImages by Yuri A. | Shutterstock
To add insult to injury, low quality people aren't great at keeping their friends' secrets. Whether it's because they love stirring up drama or crave the attention that hot gossip brings them, it's not right.
At first, you may think they shared your secrets by mistake, and that's what they'll probably claim. They'll say something like, "I didn't know it was a secret!" and claim innocence. Or, they'll blame it on somebody else, asking who else knew the secret instead of owning up.
Either way, experts have found that our intuition can be very helpful in interpersonal matters. Does it feel like they betrayed you? Does your gut tell you that you can trust them? If not, let them go. Anyone who betrays your trust is only going to cause you problems.
11. They get jealous of other people in your life
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Finally, you can tell if a person in your life is low quality if they get jealous of other people you care about. If the low quality person is a friend or someone you're dating, they may be jealous of your friends. They may even sink so low as to talk badly or make up lies. If they're a member of your family, they may try to manipulate out of seeing another family member.
While it's natural for someone to want to be your #1, only low-quality people would sink so low as to sabotage your other relationships. This can be especially bad if this is someone you're dating, as it's sign of controlling behavior that experts insist could lead to something much worse.
High value people want you to be happy. Yes, they want to spend time with you, but they'd never stand in the way of the people and things that bring you joy.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
