People Who've Stopped Taking Good Care Of Themselves Usually Do 11 Things Before A Major Meltdown
mkfilm | Shutterstock Self-care is often a marketing gimmick for the beauty industry, but in reality, real self-care isn't about beauty. It's an important part of nurturing your mind, body, and spirit in order to live a fulfilling life.
When someone stops taking care of themselves, it can signal that they've lost their self-worth and are struggling. By recognizing these signs early, you can help them avoid a serious breakdown.
People who've stopped taking good care of themselves usually do these things before a meltdown:
1. They sacrifice their own needs in order to please others
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People who feel like they have agency over their own lives will advocate for themselves so that they feel fulfilled on a practical and emotional level. They go to the doctor, take care of their general hygiene and make sure they're getting enough sleep.
No matter how much someone needs them, healthy prioritize themselves instead of ignoring their needs to please others. Of course, if that person is their child or an aging parent, they may set aside their needs temporarily in order to care for them, but that's not the same as simply giving up.
See, people-pleasing can be a trauma response, but it can also be a form of self-sabotage. Someone who will let their individual needs disappear in order to care for another person isn't just a devoted partner or friend, somethign is wrong.
2. They suppress their emotions and seem numb
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When people stop taking good care of themselves, they rely on various defense mechanisms to suppress their feelings. By pretending their feelings don’t exist, they deny their reality, which inevitably makes them feel worse.
Ignoring a physical wound can cause even more pain, the same is true of emotional wounds. Pushing down feelings and numbing out can feel like relief in the moment, but that pain festers. That's how they end up inching closer to serious meltdown.
As hard as it is, part of taking care of yourself and being healthy is feeling some of the pain or fear or sadness that is inside of you. You have to express it in some way and process it in order to leave it behind. But people who stop taking care of themselves see this as an insurmountable challege and that's how the end up in emotional trouble.
3. They don't really look like themselves
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A person’s appearance holds no bearing on their worth, but how someone looks can indicate that they’ve stopped taking care of themselves. Mostly, you'll notice that they no longer look like themselves.
There isn't just one way to look good, but you'll notice when someone is struggling they show little signs, like changing how they look. Someone who takes good care of themselves wears clothes that make them feel comfortable and confident. They wear their hair in a way that makes them feel beautiful or cool, whatever that means to them.
They might skip showers or stop brushing their hair. They might look paler than usual, which shows they’re not eating nutritious meals or drinking enough water. They might have dark circles under their eyes or dulled expressions because they’re stressed out and emotionally exhausted.
Part of loving yourself entirely means loving how you feel as you walk through the world, yet someone who’s stopped taking good care of themselves usually doesn’t care about how they look.
4. They're online super late at night and sleeping in the middle of the day
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When someone has an irregular sleep schedule, it can be a sign they're struggling and on the verge of a meltdown. They might sleep too much because they’re depressed or they may sleep very little.
A good night’s sleep is key to physical and mental health. Rest is crucial for building emotional wellness, which “impacts your ability to successfully handle life’s stresses and adapt to change and difficult times.”
Dr. Marishka Brown, a sleep expert at NIH, outlined the three core aspects of healthy sleep.
“One is how much sleep you get. Another is sleep quality– that you get uninterrupted and refreshing sleep. The last is a consistent sleep schedule,” she explained. “Sleep is not a throwaway thing; it’s a biological necessity.”
Major changes in how they sleep, when not related to a new baby or a new job (or some other logical reason) are a big sign someone might be in trouble.
5. They seem overwhelmed by normal, everyday tasks
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For someone who has neglected self-care, everyday activities can feel overwhelming. They might skip meals because cooking is too hard. They might fall behind on bills because their mail keeps piling up until it becomes so overwhelming they don’t know where to start.
When someone feels like they’re not in control of their own life, they often enter a freeze state. They stop making essential decisions and let the world pass them by. Basic chores take too much effort,
making their living space increasingly disorganized. Their inner life feels too out of control to manage, and that feeling leaks into their everyday experience.
6. Their mood swings are getting wild
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People with a baseline of emotional well-being can regulate and express their feelings calmly and measuredly. Their emotional resilience stems from their sense of inner peace, which only exists because they care for themselves sufficiently.
Someone who’s stopped taking good care of themselves might feel derailed by minor inconveniences like traffic jams or waiting on hold with customer service. They experience intense mood swings because they lack an internal reserve of patience and everything just feels huge and overwhelming.
Therapist Amber Trueblood shared valuable insight for building emotional resilience through self-care:
“True self-care is any activity or practice that creates joy and increases levels in your emotional bank account,” she explained. By tuning into what nourishes you and following through on those activities, you “raise your baseline level of emotional resiliency.”
“Increased emotional resiliency means you’re less likely to remain anxious, agitated, impatient, frustrated, or flustered,” Trueblood concluded.
Without that resilience, you're really going to struggle to keep your moods and reactions in check.
7. They let their friendships and relationships fizzle out
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Sometimes, when someone is right on the edge of a major meltdown, they let go of almost all their social connections. They are often too lost in their self-loathing to reach out and ask for support. They don’t want to burden their friends or family, so they withdraw from their social circles and self-isolate.
They might ignore your texts or tell you they’re fine when they’re not. They might cancel plans and avoid the people they love. They think that needing a helping hand makes them weak when it just means they’re human.
We’re only as strong as the relationships we cultivate. Having a solid support system is a key part of caring for ourselves. Accessing those social supports is a tangible way to improve our mental and physical health.
As psychologist Dr. Valerie Maholmes explained, “We can’t underestimate the power of a relationship to promote well-being.” Sadly, it's just another thing peole let go of when they're struggling.
8. Nothing feels inspiring or motivating to them
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Feeling hopeless often leads people to lose their drive, which impacts their ability to care for themselves. They might also struggle professionally, missing deadlines and turning in poor-quality work. They may stop taking their dog for the morning meetup at the dog park and stop calling their parents.
The quality of their relationships can suffer as a result, but it's not personal. Feeling unmotivated can create a sense of emotional distance between people and the people they love, ultimately driving them apart. It's not about the person they're neglecting, nothing, not work or hobbies or friends, is inspiring to them.
9. They stop setting goals
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When people hope for the future, they set goals and map out the direction they want their lives to take. If they give up on caring for themselves, they often give up on their dreams. Existing in an emotional low point makes it hard to imagine that things can get better and, like we noted above, nothing can inspire them to get back on track.
Sometimes, giving up on goals isn’t bad, especially when those goals no longer fit who you hope to become. Psychology Today referenced research from Dr. Anne Holding, who described the experience of ambivalence around goals as “an action crisis.”
People go through an action crisis when their goals feel impossible to reach or their values have shifted, so they no longer want to accomplish them. Holding onto a goal even though it no longer fulfills them can lead to stress and depression and negatively impact their overall well-being.
Changing course and abandoning old goals can open doors to new opportunities, inspiring people to achieve their potential for excellence, but when someone is about to have a major meltdown, they'll likely need some professional mental health support to get back on track.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
