People Who See Everything As A Competition Usually Had These 11 Childhood Experiences
Someone who sees everything as a competition was often put under tremendous pressure as a child.
Photo Book Pro / Shutterstock Have you ever met someone who turns everything into a competition? If you got sick, she got sicker. If you scored a goal, he scored four more than you. Every little thing that could be a complaint or an accomplishment turns into a battle for them.
Shocker: this isn’t normal behavior. It’s often a trauma response that occurs after serious issues in childhood. Curious as to why they may be treating everything like a win-or-lose system? It has something to do with these types of experiences as a kid.
People who see everything as a competition usually had these 11 childhood experiences
1. They may have been bullied at school
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There’s been a long history of hypercompetitive behavior being tied to insecurity. But what makes them that way? Well, it’s often a sign that they want to prove others wrong about them.
Bullied people tend to become hypercompetitive as a result of being put down, then praised when they finally get a “win.” Winning becomes something they crave. Hence, their desire to be the best at everything.
2. They probably went to a competitive school
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We all have heard about those schools that push kids to the breaking point in the name of “excellence,” where everything is about winning. According to the NIH, schools that are more competitive in nature tend to have more aggressive students.
In other words, this is more evidence that people who are exposed to instances where winning and competition matter tend to become hyper-competitive. The aggression is a result of their learning to compete with everyone over everything.
3. They were pitted against siblings or classmates on a regular basis
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One study noted an interesting phenomenon about hyper-competitive individuals: they tended to become even more competitive in smaller groups. Most people don’t get very competitive over a group of 100 or more.
However, competitive behavior tends to grow in smaller circles. It may track that hyper-competitive behavior could be a result of parents pitting their kids against one another.
4. They experienced parental triangulation
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At the end of the day, insecurity often serves as a root cause of why people see every situation as an opportunity to win. A common reason for obsessing over winning deals is a childhood involving narcissistic parents and their tendency to triangulate.
Narcissistic parents will often pit kids against one another as a way to exert control. When you see your siblings and family members as competition, it’s not surprising if you start viewing the whole world that way.
5. It’s also likely their parents treated them as the black sheep of the family
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Another reason why children of narcissists tend to be extremely competitive adults deals with the family dynamics. Narcissistic families tend to have a Golden Child who can do no wrong and a “Black Sheep/Scapegoat” who is always blamed for everything.
Many people who end up in the Scapegoat position in their families were cast out, left yearning for acceptance by someone. The way they make up for that hurt is pretty obvious. They subconsciously compete with people as a way to get the positive attention and praise they never got.
Many people who end up being the Black Sheep of the family tend to do very well for themselves because they have to become self-sufficient as a result of the lack of support they got from their families.
6. They were neglected
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For a child of neglect, few things are more intoxicating than getting praise and attention from those around them. If you were neglected but found that people would momentarily care about you when you did something amazing, it's likely that this experience will carry over into adulthood.
At the end of the day, children who were neglected often will do anything for attention, even when it ends up hurting them later on. Unsurprisingly, they tend to alienate themselves from others with their hyper-competitive behavior as adults.
7. They may have also experienced constant loss
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Most people who constantly fail and lose end up accepting that loss as just how things are. Rather than becoming hyper-competitive, they just stop trying because it never works out for them. However, that doesn’t always happen.
Some folks end up having an obsession with winning in any way they can, even if it’s getting the best parking space on the lot.
8. They may have experienced tiger parenting or tiger coaching
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Tiger Parenting is a term that comes from the hyper-competitive parents who would do everything and anything to get their children into Princeton University. When you grow up in a Tiger Parent’s household, you’re taught that winning is everything.
Adults who come from these households often struggle with self-esteem and anxiety, leaving them to turn to competition as a way to soothe their confidence.
9. They often heard people talk about how important winning and achieving are
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Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve noticed how often the people who become hyper-competitive tend to be the ones listening to adults who don’t see losing as an option. They tend to let those phrases sink in, sometimes to a pathological point.
There’s more to life than winning and losing. Unfortunately, few people really talk about that as much as they should.
10. They may have found their parents to be embarrassing
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Insecurity is the name of the game when it comes to hyper-competitive people, but how that insecurity comes about can change from person to person. Some people who grew up in financially insecure situations tend to overcompensate by becoming Type A breadwinners at work.
In other words, they tend to channel their desire for material gain into a form of hyper-competitiveness at work. While they often get a great paycheck, they can also suffer from burnout as a result.
11. When they took a break, they were punished
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Hyper-competitive behavior isn’t just a matter of insecurity. It’s a matter of trauma. When you were constantly shamed and berated by people for taking a break or not putting 1000% into everything, you eventually lose your ability to relax.
This makes competition an unhealthy experience that they feel emotionally tied to. It becomes an obligation for them, simply a way for them to justify their ability to exist.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
