People Who Are Socially & Mentally Sharp Usually Avoid Doing 7 Things In Casual Conversation
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Our words carry more weight than we tend to think, but in today's world, it's become all too common to overshare or speak impulsively without considering the potential consequences. We feel comfortable sharing all kinds of details about our lives with people we barely know, or don't know at all, then waste time and energy backtracking or apologizing when that information is taken the wrong way.
People who have a high level of social and emotional intelligence know that what you avoid saying or doing during casual conversations can be just as important as what you do say, if not even more so. By avoiding statements or behaviors that could come across poorly, they build and maintain stronger relationships and protect their own reputation.
If someone is both socially and mentally sharp, they'll avoid doing these things during casual conversations
1. Over-explaining simple decisions
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When you care too much about what others think, you're more likely to feel the need to explain every single move you make. People who do this are often afraid that their decisions will invite judgment or that the person they're talking to will make incorrect or unflattering assumptions about them.
If someone is both mentally and socially sharp, they won't over-explain the small stuff. Feeling like you constantly have to explain yourself is a sign of low confidence, and it comes across as uncertainty. It's better to have people believe that you have things figured out, even if you don't completely yet. It sounds silly, but the term fake it 'till you make it holds truth. The more certain you seem about yourself, the more you'll start to believe that you're able to handle things on your own and then do exactly that.
2. Filling every silence immediately
Intelligent people know the power of silence. Rather than viewing it as negative space to be filled, they use it to think. They've learned that it's not so much silence that makes things awkward as it is uncomfortable conversations.
Some people believe there should always be a script to follow in order to keep conversation flowing. We think up questions to ask in advance so we won't have to worry about a potential awkward silence. But those questions can often feel even worse because they may not reflect the actual conversation playing out.
Confident, sharp people instead use the quiet moments to reflect on what's already been said, generate new conversation topics, or simply enjoy the moment. Rather than seeing silence as a bad thing, it can be framed as a refreshing palette cleanser after a long interaction.
3. Asking questions that are likely to lead to arguments
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There are some topics it's just smart not to talk about until you really know someone well. Asking questions about politics, religious beliefs, conspiracy theories, money, and past traumas is best left until you have an idea of where a person is coming from.
Sure, it can be fun to discuss these things. Maybe you think the Mandela Effect is just a funny, nostalgic hypothetical, but if the person in front of you doesn't share your perspective, they may form all kinds of judgments about you that are unfair or wrong, and it will pretty much be all your fault. Mentally and emotionally sharp people know that no matter how tempted they might be, if they end up vibing, there will be plenty of time for that kind of discussion later.
4. Trying to be universally liked
Not everyone is going to like you, and that's perfectly fine. Your parents hopefully explained that you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. Sometimes you'll meet people whose interests or personalities don't mesh well with yours. Trying to force a connection where one just isn't meant to be is a recipe for frustration and disappointment.
Emotionally intelligent people learn this lesson early on and apply it throughout their lives. Instead of constantly obsessing over what people might think about their clothes, hobbies, social media presence, or relationships, they just do what makes them happy.
Caring too much about what others think will program your brain to constantly seek validation, even for the little things. The only validation that you really need is from yourself. If you're happy with your habits and hobbies, then who cares about what others have to say?
5. Forcing humor during tense times
Lots of people make light of situations when things get especially tense, whether they mean to or not. Humor is a coping mechanism that can be momentarily distracting and soften any blow that we may have just delivered or received. It may also make us more comfortable speaking about difficult topics that bring up past trauma.
When you rely on jokes too often, it can be hard for people to take you seriously. They may come to view you as avoidant or as somebody who is afraid of confrontation and unable to talk about important things in a mature manner.
Someone who is emotionally and mentally intelligent skips the humor when it's time to get serious. They're not uncomfortable addressing tough issues head-on because they have all the tools they need to help themselves or their loved ones.
6. Oversharing
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We're living in an era when oversharing is the standard. This can be great in many ways. It opens up conversations about mental health and creates deeper connections, and it can even be fun. However, these benefits are only possible when you know your audience.
When you overshare with the wrong people, it can be triggering or uncomfortable for them. You can't always know the life experience someone else has had, which may skew their response. The last thing you want to do is upset someone you barely know with your personal problems.
Mentally sharp people know that there's a fine line between sharing and oversharing. When people overshare, they reveal inappropriate or irrelevant information that may or may not make the other person uncomfortable. As much as some people want those juicy details, there's a time and place, and truly smart people are careful not to overstep those boundaries.
7. Over-apologizing
As with oversharing, it's best not to be excessive when communicating with others. When you apologize, it should be sincere enough that it only needs to be done once, and for something that really warrants it.
Constantly apologizing makes your words lose their meaning. People are likely to believe you're only doing it to cover yourself rather than because you actually mean it. This can damage relationships, creating discomfort or uncertainty, or even causing an imbalanced power dynamic. It may also undermine your confidence. Saying that you're sorry for merely existing or making silly mistakes is unnecessary.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her focus is lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationships.
