People Who Thrive In Their 40s While Others Struggle Usually Do These 4 Things On A Regular Basis
Some people hit their 40s and feel stuck, while others seem to come alive.
Yassine Benmoussa | Canva If you feel like the things you're doing just aren't bringing you joy anymore, it's time you learned how to change your life for the better. A funny thing can happen on the way to being a grown-up. You may not have noticed it. You may not have thought anything of it. You might not even be aware that it’s happening and keeping you from finding happiness.
What I’m talking about is fear. For many, becoming more fearful is a common part of aging; this is especially true in regards to change and transition. The phase of life before 40 can be a chaotic blur loaded with aspects of life and career, like raising a family, establishing yourself professionally, and paying down debt. You feel like you're too busy or have too many obligations to really adopt a focus on the future. To plan. To dream.
You have some decisions to make. You can keep waiting for something to “happen,” and then you’ll finally be happy. You can resign yourself to the idea that nothing will likely change and just accept it. Or, you can decide that now is your time and get to work on making life changes and finally moving forward with intention. Shifting your mindset like this will propel you forward.
People who thrive in their 40s, while others struggle, usually do these 4 things regularly:
1. Decide they don’t want to have regrets
Identify the regrets you’re worried about having. Be honest with yourself. Make a decision that you don’t want to have regrets.
This is an important first step to making important changes. It means that you need to take responsibility for the results in your life and that you will stop simply responding to what life dishes out.
2. Seek guidance from their future self
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Your future self has the inner wisdom that will help you make decisions and find courage now. Ask yourself, "How would my future self help me make this decision? What does my future self know about me to help guide me now? What will my future self say about making sure I don’t have regrets?"
Research on 'future self-continuity' shows that individuals with a strong connection to their future selves make better long-term decisions and are more willing to choose delayed but greater rewards. When the future self is viewed in realistic terms, people are more willing to make choices today that may benefit them in the years to come.
3. Get curious about fear
It’s common to give fear more power than it deserves. Fear is an emotion, just like any other emotion. Emotions come from your thinking. When you feel fear, you’re thinking a thought that is creating fear. Thoughts and feelings are connected.
You can beat the effect of your fear, or you can acknowledge your fear without letting it affect you the way it normally does. For example, you could be curious about it. Ask yourself more questions about why you’re thinking this way, what else you could think, and what you’re making it mean. You could feel fear and make the change anyway.
Research reveals that when there's a small inconsistency between what we perceive and what we expect, curiosity emerges as a natural response that helps us learn. The process of questioning and reframing our thoughts about fear-inducing situations has been proven to create lasting changes in emotional responses.
4. Resolve to make enough time to do what they want
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There isn't technology yet to determine how long you have on this planet. So, when you get older, you technically have less time on this Earth. However, choosing to think you’re running out of time to do the things you really want to do is one of those thoughts that doesn’t serve you.
Research from a longitudinal study showed that middle-aged adults expect their future satisfaction to be higher than their current levels, and this optimism motivates them to achieve their goals. When you choose to believe you have abundant time for what truly matters, you shift from a scarcity-driven mindset to possibility-focused action.
First, it probably isn’t true at all. And when you think about it, notice how you feel: Defeated, sad, unmotivated. Those aren’t the feelings you need to feel to move forward and do new things.
Second, you don’t have to think this way about time. Instead, you can practice thinking that you have enough time. This slight shift in the way you think will help you focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t do and can actually change your life.
The bottom line is that you can do what you want. You’re a grown-up! But you really should like your reasons. Being more intentional and regret-proofing your life is a beautiful gift of self-care. I got the memo. You deserve it.
Suzy Rosenstein, MA, is a master certified life coach, midlife coach, mentor, and host of the popular podcast for midlife women, Women in the Middle.
