People Who Radiate Integrity Without Pointing Out Their Good Deeds Often Share These 9 Subtle Habits
These habits speak volumes about the kind of person they truly are.
A. C. | Pexels Trust, at its core, is psychological safety and confidence in those around you. And once you learn how to build trust in a relationship, you must know how to keep it by being a person of deep integrity.
While there are big events that happen in relationships that can wipe out trust, it's not love that's the super glue that holds us together — it's our integrity with ourselves and with others. How can you deepen the trust in all of your relationships? Without true and authentic integrity, we live with a lot of uncertainty and stress.
People who radiate integrity without pointing out their good deeds often share these 9 subtle habits:
1. They create positive relationships
Pheelings media / Shutterstock
Being positive in relationships is not about superficial niceness or perfection. Positive relationships are healthy relationships in which people feel heard, understood, liked, and appreciated.
It’s basic Psychology 101 — we like people who like us. This is just a simple truth. So, ask yourself, how do you show people that you enjoy or value them? How do you know when people enjoy or appreciate you?
Pay attention to what behaviors demonstrate "liking". Maybe we smile at them with genuine warmth or ask questions that show our interest in what’s happening in their lives.
We tend to value their opinions, even if we disagree, and we encourage them in their endeavors.
In our busy world, it is easy to lose track of another person’s humanness, so positivity and keeping an open mind towards someone’s ideas, interests, and passions help people feel open and receptive toward you in return.
2. They allow for differences
Rawpixel.com / Shutterstock
We often get very clear about our perspective, and we can sit pretty proudly in our rightness and righteousness. But our sense of being right can shut down other people.
Some of the smartest and most influential people encourage differing perspectives because they understand that they can’t see all sides of any situation, and they will make the best decisions if they ask for other points of view.
When you're learning how to build trust, you have to learn how to listen — often to things that you might not agree with. There is a vast difference between listening to understand versus listening for ammo.
People with integrity often show higher levels of empathy, which helps in understanding and sharing others' feelings for better communication and conflict resolution. A 2021 study explained that open-mindedness supports empathy by encouraging active listening and understanding without bias.
3. They listen to understand, not to reply
William Perugini / Shutterstock
For many, the idea of listening equals agreement, but I want to challenge that idea.
Listening and really hearing another person doesn’t equal agreement; it equals working to understand another perspective. We do not have to agree or change our perspective to truly listen to another.
What is true, though, is that people will feel trust in you if they can question your ideas or passionately discuss differences without being attacked or punished for their perspective.
I recently had a conversation with someone who continually called people names as they discussed their rightness. Their rigid attachment to being right stopped any form of dialogue, I know I didn’t feel like saying much at all.
Remember, the more willing you are to hear these differences, the bigger the circle of trust around you.
4. They share the glory and freely give credit
Ground Picture / Shutterstock
Have you ever worked with someone or been friends with someone who takes all or the bulk of the credit?
Nothing erodes trust like feeling like someone stole your idea or took ownership of your hard work. You may feel violated. Or, the situation becomes something you circle and cannot let go of.
This breach of trust often becomes a disruptive factor towards the forward direction of the goal, the relationship, or any community. Pay attention when you are working with others, that ideas and work are acknowledged, and that people are given credit where credit is due.
When appreciation isn’t shown, that’s one thing; people can live with that. But if their work or ideas are stolen, you may find that trust is broken and irreparable.
Acknowledging contributions and giving credit motivates team members, fostering a sense of value and encouraging continued high performance. Research suggests that ethical leadership, characterized by integrity and fairness, can significantly impact employee success, motivating them to strive for positive outcomes.
5. They follow through on their commitments
Josep Suria / Shutterstock
Have you ever been in a situation where someone is saying all the right things, but their actions don’t mirror their words?
In my work, a lack of integrity in your words is one of the most difficult things to understand for others. When you hear the right words, you’re hopeful and you want to believe. But then, there is no follow-through, and you’re left confused.
Here’s an example: Your boss or employee, or wife, comes to you, "Will you do XYZ?" You say, "Yes."
Maybe you really have the best intentions for doing XYZ. Or, because you wanted to avoid a prolonged discussion around why you don’t want to do it, you agree to XYZ.
But you get busy with your day and forget about the agreement. Now, you’ve created a trust gap. When we are dealing with people who say one thing and then do something different, it’s a crazy maker.
6. They know that actions speak louder than words
La Famiglia / Shutterstock
Any situation in which words and actions are out of alignment creates a trust gap that requires a lot of extra work to fix. The fact is that while people might not like getting told ‘no’, they still tend to prefer it to a disingenuous ‘yes’.
If you call up your courage and honestly explain why you can’t do XYZ, then at least others won’t feel like they were bamboozled. And, each time, our words and actions are out of alignment, it erodes the trust in our relationships.
This easily becomes one of the many "little things."As with any crazy maker, it’s easy to lose our cool, and this only amplifies the distrust. To keep your cool, remind yourself of your goal, and know that what you say, think, and do, will impact your outcome.
One study found that actions can communicate intentions and beliefs more effectively than words, potentially overcoming communication obstacles and biases. Observing and acknowledging the actions of others can improve the understanding of their perspectives and beliefs, promoting mutual respect and understanding.
7. They take personal responsibility for their mistakes
insta_photos / Shutterstock
Often when we make mistakes, we want to ignore them and move on. Maybe we hope no one will notice, or if they do, we have a speedy response that often sounds like a redirect and an attack all rolled into one.
Building trust is not about never making a mistake; it’s about full ownership of the error and developing a plan to correct the said mistake. People trust people who take ownership of their actions.
If we get defensive and blame other people for our decisions, then we sow the seeds of distrust. It is a bit like a snowball rolling down a hill, it can gather speed and take out whole villages in its destruction.
8. They mentor and grow people
Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
People trust and value people who help them learn to solve their problems. Share perspectives, but don’t be attached to a particular outcome. Look for the learning moments and give positive feedback on jobs well done.
All these actions help to grow your trust influence. The role of a mentor is to believe in the potential of another person to become something.
Renowned American psychologist John Gottman talks about a 5 to 1 imbalance towards the positive (5 positives for every negative) for relationships to feel healthy to people.
We are all more trusting of someone’s feedback if we believe that they are on our side, wanting us to be better.
9. They think holistically
Yaroslav Astakhov / Shutterstock
Look at the bigger picture. Many people get so focused on a specific goal that they are virtually blind to the cost of reaching the goal.
Consider the emotional, financial, energetic, and time costs of every situation. These costs are shared by all the people in situations where distrust grows.
Sometimes, it pays to go a little slower, ask a few more questions, and talk through all concerns before moving ahead.
When all the players feel heard, and all the questions get asked before jumping off the mountain, your team is more likely to follow as you leap.
Trust is a fragile thing. With it, small groups of people can move mountains together. Not every situation requires each step.
But, if you are in a situation where the trust is minimal, then you might want to think about several of these steps and see if they might just help you grow your trust influence.
Natural disasters may shatter our security. Still, most are beyond our control. Not so with our personal and professional relationships.
How we create psychological safety and develop deep trusting relationships is within our control.
Pay attention to the small building blocks of integrity and build or rebuild your circle of trust. With this level of honesty, you can create a space that few interpersonal storms can harm.
Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC, BCC, is a Clinical Social Worker, life coach, and the author of StoryJacking: Change Your Inner Dialogue, Transform Your Life. She's spent the past 20+ years as a therapist and coach.
