People Who Are Emotionally Smarter Than They Seem Often Use 11 Phrases In Casual Conversation
PeopleImages | Shutterstock While the average person may be clueless about certain things—how to change a car tire or fold a fitted sheet, for instance—someone with emotional intelligence controls how they react when they're unsure, usually through a few specific things they say.
People who are emotionally smarter than they seem say a few things casually:
1. 'I'm not sure, but I'll find out'
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Despite popular belief, emotionally intelligent people don't actually know everything. For example, dealing with a pushy boss might prompt someone to say this phrase, even if only to buy time to sort out their thoughts. However, taking time to come up with a solution isn't negative; it shows that intelligent people pause to figure out the right response instead of reacting impulsively.
A study published in Nature Communications found that intelligent people take longer to solve more complex problems. It makes sense that one phrase people who aren't completely clueless often use is "I'm not sure, but I'll find out," because they take the time to find a real solution.
2. 'Let me think about it'
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It's unfortunate, but many people operate from a self-centered perspective and always expect things to go their way. But someone who's emotionally smart will say they need time to think about a specific situation before acting. Whether it's a brainstorming session or a heated argument with a spouse, taking time to reflect is the best way to approach most situations, because you'll end up witha more level-headed solution rooted in rationality.
3. 'What do you think?'
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Many people are indecisive and, because of their people-pleasing tendencies, spend too much time debating simple things: what color shirt to buy or what to eat for dinner.
Someone with high EQ will ask what someone else thinks, but not because of insecurity or indecisiveness; rather, to gauge other people's needs. This also helps the other person feel heard, and as one study published in Health Care Management Review found, "Feeling heard may help mitigate burnout and enable adaptation during uncertainty." In the end, asking for other people's opinions before jumping to a conclusion allows both parties to relax and feel equally heard.
4. 'Let's look at both sides'
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Most people are a lot more stubborn than they'd like to admit. They're so stuck in their own beliefs that they don't want to hear another perspective. But people with smarts often use the phrase "Let's look at both sides," because it helps everyone understand different viewpoints. By using this phrase, sensitive, aware people show open-mindedness, and research in the Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology links open-mindedness and intelligence.
5. 'Let's focus on what we can control'
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When people focus on the "what-ifs" in a difficult situation, they agonize over how the other person will react or how the situation will play out. They allow their anxiety to get the better of them. And, according to a study published in PNAS, negative rumination often leads to depressive moods and other less savory emotions. People with a modicum of sense understand they can't control everything. It's not always easy, but by focusing on what they can control, they feel more in control of themselves and their actions, which helps them be more productive.
6. 'Let's agree to disagree'
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Informed, mindful people know they won't always get what they want. Whether it's a job promotion or starting a new relationship, they know things won't always go their way, so they accept it and move forward. In the same way, emotionally intelligent folks also understand that no two minds think alike. Whether it's morals or religious beliefs, someone will always be unable to get on board with their way of thinking, and agreeing to disagree is the path of least resistance.
7. 'It's not worth the energy'
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Too many people waste time going back and forth with someone who will never change. When you invest this much energy in an argument, it's easy to feel drained by the end of an intense conversation. That's why "It's not worth the energy" is one of the phrases smart people use often.
Research from the University of Georgia found that health and quality relationships are tightly linked, and constant arguing can harm people's health for the worse, for instance, by increasing blood pressure or cortisol levels. Cognizant people know when to continue a conversation and when to leave, and they slowly distance themselves, saying the argument or situation isn't worth their time or mental health.
8. 'What's the end goal here?'
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People are complex, and it can be hard to know what's on their mind. But because many folks are people-pleasers, they refuse to question others' motives. And it's more common than you might think: a YouGov survey found that 49% of Americans identify as people-pleasers, with women more likely than men to identify this way. But smart people will think about the end goal and ask the other person for clarity. They'll ask uncomfortable questions and pick apart people's motives. And it's not because they're trying to be rude; they just refuse to let misunderstandings fester, which can lead to worse outcomes.
9. 'Sometimes, the best thing to do is walk away'
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Understandably, walking away is hard. But smart people know that sometimes it's the right move. Sometimes, walking away is the only option. In life, there will inevitably come a time when clinging to a relationship no longer serves you, and emotionally intelligent folks realize that, to be the best version of themselves, they may need to say goodbye to relationships that do nothing for them.
10. 'I can't control how others react, only how I respond'
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Smart people often use this phrase because it's true: the only thing we can control is how we respond, not how people react. Everyone has witnessed this kind of conversation: one person makes a claim, and the other reacts emotionally. Whether people like it or not, how we respond to things says a lot about our emotional intelligence. When people lack emotional intelligence, they can't control their emotions and lash out. But people with high emotional intelligence are aware of how they express themselves.
11. 'Let's double check to make sure'
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Smart folks pay close attention to detail. It's easy to neglect details when you're rushing or juggling many responsibilities at once. But smart people understand that taking the time to look over the details is extremely important. As one study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found, while students who were confident in their abilities believed they would do better on tests, results showed that confident students scored lower while insecure students scored higher.
With this in mind, it's not uncommon for people to spend an extra 10 minutes reviewing and fixing their work. Even if it's tedious, they understand that it's better to be thorough than wrong.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
