The Art Of Being Intriguing: 15 Traits Of Naturally Intriguing People
People can't help but wonder about you.
Aris Leoven | Canva Some of us are open books, always willing and ready to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with anyone who will listen. People with this personality type think they have a unique perspective, as they willingly share personal details and have no desire to hide anything. However, there are those among us who prefer to maintain an air of mystery.
Whether it's carefully choosing your words or steering clear of drama, if you have these traits, people probably see you as mysterious and intriguing. When people are strangers, everyone is a mystery. As time goes on, you start to open up and allow others to see parts of yourself that are hidden. But if you're someone with a mysterious personality, you know a lot more about people than they know about you.
Here are 15 traits of naturally intriguing people:
1. You work better alone
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Many think that mysterious people are shy or introverted, but they are actually not afraid to speak up. They simply feel no pressure to keep the conversation going by oversharing.
Bold and self-assured, those who are seen as mysterious are incredibly independent. They like to work alone and show their hand at the right time, which is usually when a plan is fully baked.
Research indicates that the preference for working alone is intriguing because it challenges the conventional focus on collaboration as the primary route to success. Individuals who thrive on solo work also tend to be highly autonomous and intrinsically motivated.
2. You're watchful
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You take notice of everything going on around you. Active listening is your strong suit, and you take in more information than you give. You are astute at social cues and translating body language.
This is an incredible trait to have as, according to William Ury, an expert negotiator and co-founder of the Harvard Program on Negotiation, active listening not only improves our relationships, but gives us a path to common ground, builds trust, and "increases our chance of being heard ourselves."
3. You keep secrets
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If you keep secrets, people probably see you as mysterious and intriguing. You not only keep this information guarded over long periods of time, but keep conversations relevant, limited, and intentional, saying only what is necessary.
And it's likely because you have the ability to keep confidence. You are not going to share your own private information with anyone or disclose any secrets you have been entrusted with.
The Zeigarnik effect suggests that people remember incomplete tasks better than completed ones. In the context of secrecy, it means that an unresolved mystery, such as why a person is so private, holds our attention much more than if the information was disclosed upfront.
4. You're careful with your words
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You choose your words wisely, staying away from gossiping and filling space with irrelevant details. You think before you speak, and when you do, the words are efficient and impactful.
According to experts from Cooks Hill Counselling, "When you don't think before you speak, you're more likely to make badly informed statements and reduce your credibility, let alone hurt someone by 'putting your foot in your mouth', even if your intentions were genuinely harmless. Other times, particularly when feeling defensive, we tend to be very reactionary and quick to answer back without proper thought."
5. You're confident
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Though you appear to be quiet and reserved, when it's your turn to speak up, you are bold and confident. Despite being lone wolves who march to the beat of their own drum, mysterious people don't just shrink around greatness; instead, they embrace it.
You dot every "i" and cross every "t" so you can stand on what you say. Your confidence is incredibly infectious, and despite being a bit intimidating, people gravitate towards you.
A display of confidence can indicate to others that a person is well-liked and socially integrated, a desirable sign that they possess strong social skills. A 2016 study explained that this puts others at ease and facilitates smoother interactions.
6. You're highly intelligent
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Mysterious people are thinkers and intellectuals. They consider all aspects of a topic before determining what they think about people and situations.
Rather than accept information they've read or been fed, they want to get to the bottom of it and see for themselves. Highly intelligent, if people see you as mysterious, it's because you remain silent and let others express themselves before you form a stance.
7. You control your emotions
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If you can control your emotions with ease, people probably see you as mysterious and intriguing. In order to be mysterious, you have to maintain that control over your reactions, remaining unmoved by pressure and stress.
Instead of blurting out how you feel, you sit back and strategize about the best course of action, never letting your emotions get the best of you. And as one study from the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine determined, controlling emotions improves mood, reduces stress, and lessens the risk of mental health conditions.
8. You're authentic
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Though people have misconceptions about your mysterious nature, you remain true to who you are. When you do choose to share, your feelings are genuine. You have no interest in sending out false messages to people around you, so your expressions are authentic and meaningful.
As experts from UC Merced pointed out, "Speaking your truth is a powerful way to communicate your needs and values to others while maintaining openness and grace." And being authentic means expressing that truth in a respectful, genuine way.
9. Your words are powerful
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Because you only speak when you have something to say, people respect your thoughts. They know that you will be considerate, transparent, and forthcoming when it is the right time.
Words hold immense power, and the way in which you use them is incredibly intriguing to those around you.
Knowing that words can influence a group's perception and behavior allows a person to consciously frame conversations. One study explained that this skill can be observed in areas where carefully chosen language can steer public opinion and decision-making.
10. You're spontaneous
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Though most of your actions are well-planned, others perceive you as spontaneous. You don't share what might happen or the trials and tribulations of your life. Instead, you introduce things when they are complete and ready.
It should come as no surprise that doing things out of your comfort zone are beneficial. Research published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people who pushed themselves in this way were more confident in their abilities.
11. You have trouble asking for help
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One pitfall of being mysterious is the tendency to avoid asking for assistance. You would much rather go it alone, and the majority of time that works. But in times where you might need input, it can be difficult to seek it.
But as personal development coach Moira Hutchison explained, there's power in asking for help, including accomplishing goals, lowering stress, and improving your relationships.
12. You get a lot of attention
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If there's one thing people hate, it's not knowing. Because of your mysterious aura, they seek you out and try to connect, simply because you are intriguing.
Others have an innate need to know something, anything, about you, and it causes people to gravitate toward you.
People who command attention are often perceived as confident and charismatic, research has concluded. This initial positive impression leads observers to conclude that the person also possesses other positive qualities.
13. You have your own perspective
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Mysterious people don't follow the leader. They know who they are and have their own unique take on the world around them. They form their opinions based on deep thought and introspection instead of outside influence.
If you have these traits, people probably see you as mysterious and intriguing. "A perspective shift is one of the best feelings ever. It's exactly like switching the lights on in the middle of the night. At first, it's uncomfortable. Blinding. It stings your eyes. But then, slowly your eyes adapt to it and you see everything better," lifestyle writer Akshad Singi said.
14. You stay away from drama
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While there are chaotic people who thrive in drama, it's not the case for you. In fact, your authenticity repels drama.
Though you value the connections you have, you steer clear of anyone who is keen to stir the pot. You are mature and confident and don't feel any need to battle with others.
15. You have nothing to prove
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Unfortunately, as psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen pointed out, seeking approval from others can be detrimental and hold you back from your true self. But not you.
Part of the reason you are mysterious is that you don't need to impress others with your accomplishments or credentials. You enjoy your own company and your self-esteem is high, so you don't have to seek approval from others.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
