Self

10 Cold-Hearted Signs You're An 'Ice Queen'

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For the most part, women are expected to be sweet, warm and nurturing.

There is an unspoken expectation that women should make everyone feel comfortable and welcomed. Any woman who fails to live up to society’s standards might be suspected of having a cold heart or a frosty demeanor.

But there are some among us that exhibit cold personality traits and honestly couldn’t care less about other people’s feelings. Those women are what some might refer to as "ice queens."

What does it mean when someone calls you an ice queen?

When someone calls you an ice queen, the immediate connotation is meant to be negative, and imply that you are cold, uncaring, and have no concern for the feelings of others.

Generally, those perceived as ice queens are physically attractive, but have abrupt or abrasive personalities. Their attitude is one of superiority and they have no concern for other people’s needs.

Ice queens are ambitious and are determined not to let anything or anybody get in their way. Just beneath the surface lies an outwardly confident woman who is quick to put you in your place if need be.

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But the perception of ice queen belies who they really are. Most women labeled this way have been deeply hurt, so they put the feelings on lockdown, choosing to never be vulnerable again.

All ice queens are not created equal.

A woman that holds a high political office and displays behavior that puts everyone on warning that they should stay out of her lane is called an iron lady. This ice queen archetype gives of an air of strength and resilience, which is good; unfortunately, it is tempered with a lack of empathy, selfishness and disrespect.

Negative Perceptions About Ice Queens

There are many negatives associated with women who are seen as ice queens. Most people do all they can to avoid working in close proximity to them, which could be due to their tendency to be "holier than thou."

An ice queen is viewed as disinterested and detached, and is not known to be good company for anyone.

Narcissism is one common trait associated with ice queens, as she encompasses all of those characteristics; instigation, intimidation, and flat-out disregard are par for the course.

Positive Perceptions About Ice Queens

Being an ice queen is not all bad. Women who have this personality are independent and able to navigate life on their own terms.

Ice queens are logical people and able to push emotion aside to get the job done, which lets them excel in solving problems and completing straightforward tasks.

People see ice queens as fearless, making them prime candidates for leadership roles. The only downside is the inability to interact with others, which may cause subordinates to complain.

Ice queens teach those around them how to set boundaries and stick to them. They say what is on their mind no matter who is listening, and that courage is something to admire.

The Ice Queens of Cinematography

The ice queen character archetype has played out time and time again in the movies.

Aside from Cinderella’s evil stepmother or the Wicked Witch of the West, Sharon Stone played an ice queen in "Basic Instinct" and Kathy Bates was out to get the man she wanted as all costs in "Misery." Both women had been emotionally hurt and lashed out.

Whether it was Nurse Ratched from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest," Aaliyah in "Queen of the Damned," or Cruella de Vil in "101 Dalmatians," the ice queen trope has played out on-screen forever.

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10 Signs Of An Ice Queen

1. You have a history of trauma.

The thing that turns most ice queens into the cold and ruthless women they are is pain. Maybe they were abandoned, abused, or rejected, but all ice queens have a traumatic history that is the catalyst for who they are now.

2. You don’t need anybody.

Ice queens are independent to a fault. If the phrase "if I want it done right, I have to do it myself" were a person, it would display a picture of a frosty, tight-lipped woman.

Ice queens have been let down by someone along the way and refuse to fall victim again.

3. When you fall for someone, you are all in.

Surprisingly, when ice queens let a special person break down the walls around their heart, they are completely committed.

It takes a lot to gain her trust and she will do anything to protect and honor you. It is you and her against the world.

4. You're open and honest about your feelings.

Once an ice queen has taken the big step of admitting to herself that she likes you, she will have no qualms about sharing her feelings. But it is not just in romantic relationships.

There is no pretentiousness when it comes to emotions. An ice queen tells you exactly how she feels.

5. You know what you want and aren't afraid to get it.

Ice queens are laser-focused on their goals and ambitions.

She is keen on meeting her full potential and won’t allow herself to be distracted. If you happen to get between an ice queen and her goals, you will no doubt incur her wrath.

6. You're emotionally mature.

Contrary to popular belief, ice queens do have emotional maturity. They have experienced much of the good and the bad that life has to offer, and know how to deal with their emotions no matter the circumstances.

7. You don’t care what anyone thinks of you.

On the outside, ice queens are confident and sure of themselves, so any accolades from others are a bonus.

They don’t live their lives according to social norms and societal expectations. They set their own standards and make sure to live up to them.

8. You're sexually uninhibited.

If you happen to bed an ice queen, consider yourself lucky. She has no inhibitions and feels free to let loose and be herself behind closed doors.

Not many men get this private with her, so if she lets you in, she will show you how she feels with her actions.

9. You say what you mean.

Ice queens are not about fake BS. When they tell you something, believe it.

Because she is not in the business of lying to impress others, an ice queen can stand on her word. When she speaks, her words are intentional and purposeful.

10. You have no time for meaningless banter.

We talked about how sparingly ice queens use their words.

There has to be a reason behind conversations, and ice queens have no time to simply shoot the breeze. If there is nothing to be gained or moved forward by the conversation, she will pass.

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NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.

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