7 Mindset Shifts That Will Set You Free From Other People's Approval
Break free from the need to be liked and start living on your own terms.
Rafael Henrique | Pexels Craving connection and acceptance is a beautifully human experience. However, somewhere along the way, many of us have learned to twist ourselves into shapes that fit other people's expectations, trading our authenticity for the fleeting comfort of approval.
The following mindset shifts aren't about becoming selfish or dismissive of others. They're about reclaiming your right to exist just as you are. Each one is meant to help you build an unshakeable foundation of self-worth that doesn't depend on external validation.
Here are 7 mindset shifts that will set you free from other people's approval:
1. 'It's okay if your perspective isn't for everyone'
insta_photos / Shutterstock
Never leaning into your edges as a person and avoiding saying what you really feel may ensure you avoid criticism, but it also means you never attract die-hard fans.
I’m not saying to be overly dramatic or abusive or unnecessarily offensive. Towing the line takes self-awareness. But just know that if you anger or irritate some people with your views, you are likely attracting others at a similar level of emotional intensity, and that's a good thing.
2. 'You're not here to defend or prove anything'
Yuri A / Shutterstock
All we are as people are flesh, bones, some connective tissue, and thoughts. No one can harm us with words, nor do other people have the power to decrease our value as human beings. Internalize the idea that you have nothing to protect, and you will experience relief. A sense of unstoppable confidence will appear.
Instead of striving for high self-esteem, which can be fragile and dependent on achievement, self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, recognizing that everyone experiences setbacks. According to a 2019 study, without the pressure to conform to others' expectations, individuals can be more true to themselves and their values, leading to more authentic relationships and choices.
3. 'Rejection is normal and makes you stronger'
Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
In sword-smithing, they use a process called ‘tempering’ to improve the hardness and elasticity of the steel by reheating and then cooling it.
A similar effect happens in your journey as a creator and audience-builder. You must anticipate periods of contraction (cooling) and moments of rejection, or you will quit.
It’s all part of an overall strengthening and growth. You could lose two followers as you gain five. Your last piece might have been a hit, but the next one bombs. That’s good. Just don’t quit, and you are guaranteed an upward trend of improvement and growth.
4. 'Use your nos as a compass'
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock
Many of us avoid rejection because it hurts and therefore seems like it needs avoiding. Wrong. Not in the modern age, not online. If people rarely say ‘no’ to our asks or reject what we create, what does that mean? Where do we go from there? What direction do we pivot?
It means you’re being too timid; it means you aren’t playing the game. To be in the arena means you must take some hits, or you will never be rewarded. Rejection means you’re in the game, and this is good. Take the hits. This is how you win in the long run.
People with a growth mindset view challenges and setbacks, including rejection, as opportunities for learning and development. A 2023 study explained that by reframing rejection as a learning experience, they avoid taking it personally. This perspective allows for resilience, adaptability, and the motivation to try again.
5. 'Haters show that you’re important'
New Africa / Shutterstock
You will inevitably attract ‘haters’ if you create stuff and share what you really feel and think online. I always say that your haters show you that you are important enough to be hated on.
You don’t want to avoid the critics. You want more of them. Haters not only confirm that we’re making a dent, but they are also often honest enough to give us the feedback we need.
If it hurts, it may be pointing to a truth our closest friends aren’t willing to tell us. Haters show you that you are courageous enough to share what you know to be true because the ideas are getting through emotionally. This is the kind of stuff that makes an impact. Get you some more haters.
6. 'Loss is a huge opportunity for growth'
LightField Studios / Shutterstock
It wasn’t until I truly understood this concept that so much changed for me. For a long time, I took rejection personally, closed up, and ruminated on these injustices for hours and even days. I experienced a decline in the face of rejection.
But all we need is to shift our perspective, and we can experience the opposite. The moment we view rejection as an opportunity for a kind of spiritual practice, we can grow.
If someone’s a jerk to you online, don’t type an angry tweet in response. Breathe. Allow the feeling to wash over you. Remain open, instead of seizing up as always.
Be thankful for your hater. This is a habit that will ensure an elite level of mental mastery over time. When you operate from a fixed mindset, a loss can feel devastating because you perceive it as proof of your inadequacy. A recent study explained that this feeling of inadequacy can intensify the need for external validation, as you look to others to reassure you of your worth.
7. 'Nobody who left a legacy didn't hurt some feelings along the way'
Ground Picture / Shutterstock
You need to stop measuring your sense of self-worth and your actions based on what other people say and do. They don’t know anything about you. Seriously.
You don’t even know who you are, so quit feeling bad when someone shares their opinion about what you wrote. We’re just humans following what our chaotic thoughts are telling us at any given moment.
We need not make things personal. We don’t need to take everything so seriously. Instead, see through the personal thinking garbage, and you will find compassion.
Both for yourself and others. We’re all doing the best we can, given the thinking we have moment by moment. Give yourself some slack and remind yourself that everything you do is done with the best of intentions.
You didn’t wake up this morning seeking to hurt another, did you? No. Even that edgy thing you shared online that may have hurt some feelings was done because you want to help.
You know this. So stop giving yourself crap for something you said or did that was done out of love. That is radical self-compassion. See things for what they are, and don’t second-guess yourself.
Own what you say and do. No one who left a legacy of any significance didn’t hurt some feelings along the way. Keep going. We’re waiting to see what’s next from you.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
