Insecure People Who Hate Losing An Argument Often Say 8 Things To Get The Last Word
DexonDee | Shutterstock Some people literally can’t handle it when an argument doesn’t go their way, probably because they're deeply insecure, and instead of agreeing to disagree, they’ll likely say one of these phrases to get the last word.
Insecure people who don't like losing an argument often say these things:
1. ‘You’re trying to make me look bad’
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To move attention away from the fact that they’re clearly losing an argument, a deeply insecure person might try to manipulate the situation so that it appears the person they’re arguing with is just trying to make them look bad. This is likely untrue, especially if the insecure person started the argument in the first place. Regardless, their goal is to take the focus off themselves, and one way to do that is to hurl baseless accusations at the other person. Then it will seem like the argument is all their fault, and they’ll play right into the other person’s hands. A big, negative reaction is what an insecure person wants because there’s no better way to make themselves look blameless.
2. ‘Let’s talk about that thing that you did’
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When a deeply insecure person is losing an argument, they may try to guilt-trip their opponent, which effectively takes the spotlight off of them and puts it on the other person. They may bring up something their opponent did wrong in the past as a way to deflect. Clinical psychologist Lynn Margolies, PhD, described how damaging guilt-tripping can be. “Guilt-tripping is, in effect, a form of emotional blackmail, but it's typically an unconscious process whereby the guilt-tripper feels innocent of any misdeed. On the receiving end, it feels like an oppressive force that intrudes into our personal space, bolstered by plausible deniability and reversal of blame.”
When someone doesn't know what else to do, they project those feelings onto the person they're fighting with, which is hurtful and can reopen wounds you thought had healed. If someone goes off-topic like this, it’s best to avoid engaging any further.
3. ‘Okay, now I’m the bad guy’
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A deeply insecure person may try to make the person they’re arguing with feel bad for them by saying they feel like they’re the bad guy now. A kind, empathetic person wouldn’t want anyone to feel that way and would likely rush to their defense instead of continuing to fight. Psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, LCSW, argued that this kind of manipulation says more about the person saying it than anyone else. “It’s sometimes harder to see that people who try to incite guilty feelings in others are also suffering, and that's because people who provoke guilt can be angry and/or manipulative, often putting out their guilt-inciting words with a big smile. But those behaviors are often hiding other, more vulnerable emotions.”
When an insecure person struggles to ask for help, they try to manipulate anyone around them into giving it. This may look like making the person they’re arguing with feel bad by claiming they’ve been made out to be the bad guy, when that's not the case.
4. ‘You only bring this up when you’re mad’
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It can be hard to feel like someone keeps bringing up past grievances when they’re mad. For a deeply insecure person, there’s a good chance that this isn’t actually what’s happening. Instead, they’ll just accuse the other person of only bringing up whatever the argument topic is when they’re mad, and leaving it be at other times. If and when this happens, refuse to play this person’s game. Don’t let them make you angry, and don’t give them any evidence to back up the claim that you were angry in the first place. Try to disengage from the conversation and stay as far away from them as possible.
5. ‘You think you’re always right’
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If someone's insecure, they may take losing an argument personally. Instead of just being a part of life, they’ll see it as a personal failure. In those moments, they may bitterly exclaim something like, “You think you’re always right,” to the other person. Social worker Catherine Hall noted that this is common for people who are going through a lot. “False accusations could indicate that the accuser has a difficult time trusting others or has had the experience of being betrayed or lied to repeatedly in the past,” she explained. When an insecure person accuses you of something, like thinking you’re always right, take those words with a grain of salt. They are likely just projecting their hurt onto you and refusing to take any responsibility themselves.
6. ‘You’re gaslighting me’
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If someone's unwilling to face the facts, they may say the person they’re arguing with is gaslighting them, a serious accusation that shouldn't be thrown around lightly. Someone desperately trying not to lose an argument and grasping at straws may claim they are being gaslit, and that is the only explanation for why they are losing. Saying someone is gaslighting you is basically the equivalent of saying they're emotionally abusing or manipulating you. Those kinds of accusations are hurtful and damaging. Don't use them casually or out of desperation unless they are 100% true. An insecure person might make these accusations, but they say far more about them than the other person.
7. ‘You’re the insecure one’
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On the other hand, the insecure person might be the one doing the gaslighting. Someone might genuinely be trying to give them a hand, and they'll say they're the ones being insecure. They’ll do everything possible to avoid facing their insecurities, so they’ll turn around and project them onto someone else. If someone accuses you of being insecure, you might second-guess whether or not you really are insecure and if that's affecting your judgment. These are classic signs of gaslighting. Don’t let someone make you question reality or who you really are.
8. ‘You always do this’
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Someone who's losing an argument is going to want to take the focus off themselves, and one way they may do this is by saying that the other person always causes arguments like this and is therefore the problem.
Clinical specialist and author Stephanie A. Sarkis, PhD, said this is known as projection. “Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which people unconsciously attribute their thoughts or inadequacies to others. In the context of toxic behavior, this defense mechanism becomes a powerful tool for deflecting responsibility and preserving the individual’s fragile self-image.”
Deeply insecure people will often use projection as a defense mechanism. Instead of taking responsibility themselves, they’ll push it onto the other person. That’s just what they do. It’s deeply unfair and can be considered a form of gaslighting because it makes you question reality and wonder if you are the problem. Spoiler alert: You're not.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
