11 Reasons Finding A New Best Friend Is Harder Than Finding A Partner

It's harder to connect with people the older you get.

Best friends sitting on tennis court Hector Ges | Canva

A very wise person I met once told me that I would notice that the friends I had in my teenage years weren’t going to be the same ones I had in my mid-20s. And he was right because learning how to find friends is much simpler when you are younger.

While I had drifted onto the hardcore rave scene, the people I once hung out with in college went on to have kids, normal jobs, and the usual work. I began to judge them for being “lame,” and they began to judge me for being an irresponsible party animal who regularly woke up in random warehouses with no recollection of the past 3 days.


We drifted apart — and really, that’s life. The funny thing is that I’ve noticed that a lot of best friends I have had during various points of my life aren’t as close to me as they once were. Sadly, I think that’s part of life as well.

Herein lies the problem that many of us face as we change lifestyles: finding a friend. If you ask me, it’s actually harder than how to find a boyfriend. Here’s why.

RELATED: The Secrets Of People Who Are Incredible At Making New Friends


Here are 11 reasons finding a new best friend is harder than finding a partner:

1. There’s really no Tinder for finding best friends.

People just assume you have friends or that you’ll just run into them. It’s not always this easy, especially if you work insane hours as I do. Also, going on Tinder to find friends is a good way to end up with a lot of creeps wailing at you for “friend-zoning them.”

So, don’t try that route, okay? I have, it sucked, and I'd rather just carry around a sign saying "I NEED FRIENDS" than do that again. 

2. Potential friends of the opposite sex tend to get weirded out if you just ask to hang out with them.

Most of my friends are guys. The problem with this is that asking new guys to hang out often sounds flirty or creepy and may even tick off a girlfriend or wife. This clearly sucks, because I hate the fact that guys automatically assume I'm after just one thing when I talk to them. I imagine it's the same with guys, too. 

3. It’s hard to figure out how to make new friends.

I’m lucky because I’m chatty and people usually just compliment me on my clothing wherever I go. I use their compliments as an icebreaker, and then boom! Friends are made. But for the longest time, people just didn’t want to talk to me because I was always alone.


4. Saying you have no friends is a good way to get people to avoid you.

Speaking from experience, saying that you want to be friends or that you don’t have many friends makes people avoid you. I can understand why. A lot of people out there who are friendless are that way for a good reason. But at the same time, you still want to be honest. What can you do?

RELATED: 10 Different Types Of Friends Every Human Must Have In Their Life

5. It’s hard to ask people for a phone number.

Does anyone else get a bit weird about asking platonic strangers for a phone number? Because I totally do. I also get worried that I sound weird about it. Is phone anxiety a thing?

6. After a certain age, it’s really hard to feel like you’re part of the “cool kids.”

It’s true. The people who have no problem making friends often have qualities that people would like in a spouse, too. I personally know a lot of people who have a subtle “looks” requirement for friends. The older you get, the harder it is to stay looking sexy.


7. Rejection from friendship hurts a lot more than relationship rejection.

I personally am more offended when people don’t want to be friends with me than when people don’t want to sleep with me. I mean, with friendships, it’s all about personality. When people just make it clear that they want to keep me at arm’s length, it cuts a lot deeper. Like, am I not good enough or something?

8. There’s the matter of getting older and getting pickier about who you hang out with.

If there’s one thing that being a party animal in my early 20s taught me, it’s that you need to be careful about who you hang out with. It only takes one terrible person in a batch to make your life a living nightmare. As a result, I’m a lot choosier, even if I am still super-friendly.

RELATED: A Study Found Only Half Of Your Friends Actually Like You — Here Are 13 Signs Of Those Who Do



9. There’s the worry about dealing with people who are fakes.

And this always seems to happen when I’m trying to find a new bestie. For example, I had gone out to a rave one time with this girl, Kimberly. The entire night was basically her badgering me for money or connections to the VIP room. Needless to say, we never hung out again.


10. There’s the kind of embarrassment that happens from a friend’s night out that just gets botched.

This, too, happens to me quite often when finding a friend. I had one girl who seemed totally normal... until I invited her to a party. The moment she stepped in the door, she made it all about her and began to trash me.

I still recoil at the way that people looked at me, wondering why I brought her to the party. Obviously, I blacklisted her, too.

11. Lastly, there’s that elusive friendship connection.

Learning how to find friends is hard because you both have to be on the same wavelength. The older you get, the harder it is to find people who have the same background as you, the same thoughts, or just the same “mode” you do. I can’t be alone in this, right? 


RELATED: 7 Secrets To Making Real Adult Friendships That'll Actually Last

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.