Photo: Xavier Lorenzo / shutterstock
I can finally say that I have some of the best friends I have ever had in my adult life.
By Unwritten — Written on May 14, 2022
By Larissa Martin
I am going to be honest with you. I have never really been good at choosing people that choose you, especially in the friendship department.
Up until a couple of years ago, my friendships were basically one-sided. I put more work into them than my friends did for me.
Sometimes I would think it was more of a friendship than the other person did. This started in middle school, and I noticed that because of this pattern, I started to develop trust and consistency issues that I still have to this day.
Unfortunately, when I begin a friendship, I don’t want to get too attached because they’re just going to leave, and I am going to get let down again as I always have before.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I stopped chasing friendships I thought I wanted and finally chose people that chose me. I can finally say that I have some of the best friends I have ever had in my adult life and that I am definitely not scared of losing like I have in the past.
Do I regret not choosing people that choose me, year after year? Sometimes I still do.
Let’s be real, I don’t regret doing it, not one bit; this is because it has led me to some of the most important and meaningful friendships I have ever had, and how can you argue with that? You can’t. At least in my personal experience, anyway.
I believe we don’t choose people that choose us at first because we don’t think we deserve those people. So, we settle for years and years until we stop chasing what we think we want and deserve; we end up choosing a person or an opportunity or whatever it may be.
How do I know this? I have gone through it time and time again.
It takes a lot of self-reflection over the years, and some trial and error of doing things at the wrong time, for all the right things to fall into place; for you to choose people and things meant for you.
Is it easy? Will there be heartbreak involved? Will you lose relationships in the process? Absolutely.
But it will be more than worth the risk for you to finally choose what you actually deserve and not what you thought you did for years.
I think in our society people don’t choose people or things that choose them. They choose what they think they deserve. They choose what they’re comfortable with and know, because even though they constantly keep getting hurt they don’t see an issue with it.
They think this is how it’s always been so it has to be that way. When, in reality, it doesn’t have to be.
If more people stopped chasing what they thought they wanted, and understood that they are worthy of the people and opportunities that come their way, whether that be personally or professionally, they will start choosing people and things that they deserve.
Once you choose people who choose you, you will see what you truly deserved all along.
More for You:
Larissa Martin is a writer whose work has been featured on MSN, Yahoo Lifestyle, Thrive Global, Unwritten, YourTango, and The Mighty.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.