The Art Of Being Unbothered: 5 Honest Ways To Be A Happy Person
Alex Avalos | Unsplash Our overall sense of well-being is 50% constitutional, 10% circumstantial, and 40% controllable, says Dr. Henry Cloud, author of The Law of Happiness. Dr. Cloud says that the majority of people’s efforts to improve their lives, for example, with their job or a new car, can bump up their happiness level by 10%, but then it goes back down.
However, much is still within our control when it comes to becoming happier and unbothered. He says happy people do the following things, and I’ve added tips on how people can adapt the advice for a happier marriage, too.
Here are 5 honest ways to be a happy, unbothered person:
1. Create a support system
Develop a close circle of significant relationships both inside and outside the home. A 2021 study found that when people are integrated into support networks, they gain the necessary resources to successfully deal with depression, anxiety, and loneliness. The study showed that your chances of happiness actually increase when you're associated with a happy person because happiness seems to be transmitted.
Happy marriage tip: Remember to have strong friendships as well as strong marriage and family relationships. Choose friends who will back up your marriage. If you’ve been lax about spending time with friends, contact one now to schedule a coffee date.
2. Set specific goals
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Having both long- and short-term goals helps organize your brain around helpful activities to aid you in achieving your goals. Research found that goal setting significantly improved well-being and gave people a sense of direction and control while helping them find meaning, all of which contribute to feeling happier.
Happy marriage tip: Set long-term and short-term goals for your marriage. Make them doable. For example, set aside 15 minutes each day to reconnect. Work on scheduling a date night each month or an annual vacation with your spouse.
3. Volunteer
When you give back, your brain secretes the same chemical as when you eat good food or enjoy physical touch. Research from Cedars-Sinai found that acts of kindness release dopamine in the brain, creating a feeling of euphoria that's known as a helper's high. Volunteering and charitable behavior release the same feel-good brain chemicals that you get from eating good food or enjoying physical touch.
Happy marriage tip: Consider volunteering together on an activity that you are both passionate about. This will help you feel good and will help you become more bonded to each other. In addition, it gives you something meaningful to talk about besides chores, the kids, and work. Not to mention, you’re helping make the world a better place.
4. Don’t dwell on what you cannot control
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Individuals who feel a sense of control over their life and the direction it will take are healthier and happier than those who feel helpless to change anything, according to a 2023 study. People who believe they have control over their own actions and outcomes report higher levels of life satisfaction and better mental health.
Happy marriage tip: Don’t try to change your spouse. You can only control yourself.
5. Believe in a higher power
Dr. Cloud says that those with an active spiritual life live longer and have stronger immune systems. Research from Duke University Medical Center also found that older Americans who attended religious services had stronger immune responses than those who didn't. The study showed that regular attendees were less likely to have high levels of an immune system protein involved in age-related diseases.
Happy marriage tip: If you attend a church, do so together. Or, find another type of spiritual practice that the two of you can share if you are non-religious. You can find at least one thing that boosts your happiness and believe your happiness is within your control.
Lori Lowe has a master's degree in journalism. She is a marriage researcher, writer, and marketing consultant.
