The Art Of Being Non-Plussed: 5 Simple Ways To Be A Happy Person
Sorin Basangeac | Unsplash Stress is an essential part of life. But how you deal with the resulting anxiety doesn't have to be bad. Problems, discomforts, and pressures — whether large or small — arise all the time. Questions and frustration are a natural part of growth and creativity.
Think of the adversity the bud on the tree has faced before it blooms. However, unnecessary worry makes it even more difficult to move through a struggle with enough consistent confidence to realize your dreams. If you've ever envied the people who can stay non-plussed while everyone else is spiraling, here are their secrets.
Here are 5 simple ways to be a happy person who's non-plussed:
1. Acknowledge what you're feeling
The body is made to respond to cues of danger. This is normal and healthy. Without the ability to feel your sympathetic nervous system — which triggers you to fight, flee, or freeze — you would never be alive today.
The sympathetic nervous system is not intended to harm you. It is intended to save your life. However, your mind can become confused, reacting to lots of cues in the environment and signaling danger even when there is no danger there.
When you feel chronically worried, you're essentially living in the sympathetic nervous system. It's natural (and inevitable) for life to appear more difficult and frightening from the sympathetic nervous system state.
By recognizing, embracing, and then calming this natural body process, you can stop this “danger” cycle. When you’re calm, learn more about your unique cues of danger. Notice when you feel anxious. Write down what you felt, thought, saw, smelled, or heard that you think caused this feeling.
2. Pay attention to what triggers you
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Begin compiling your personal list. For example, I had a sense that I had made a mistake. I smelled smoke, reminding me of our house fire. An ambulance passed by. The person beside me scowled at me. I thought my dog ran away.
Get to know what happens in your body when a cue of danger is detected. Your body is not trying to harm you. Why not be curious about what it feels like when your sympathetic nervous system gets charged and ready to react?
Breathe and familiarize yourself with your body from the inside out. Write down what's going on in there when you feel upset or anxious. It may look something like this: Heart races, thoughts spin, tight chest, pulsing hands and feet, heavy pressure on my shoulders, etc.
This is simply the nervous system causing a feeling. Remind yourself of this fact: It’s just a feeling. It is not trying to harm me. Becoming a student of your own stress responses can transform how you navigate difficult moments.
Research shows that interoceptive awareness, which is your ability to detect cues related to your body's physiological reactions to stressful events, is central to emotion regulation. When you start tracking what sets off your alarm bells, you begin building a personal map of your triggers. Maybe it's a particular situation or a certain topic that gets brought up by a certain somebody. Noticing these patterns puts you back in the driver's seat.
3. Learn to control your response
You can actually tone your nervous system so that when stress presents, your most advanced internal resources are strong and available to help you. Your ventral vagus nerve is key to a sense of calm and confidence in the world.
This nerve extends from your diaphragm and heart up to your lower brain. This is your nerve of connection to others in a safe, social way.
Each day, find and feel the sensation of ventral vagal energy in your body. You can bring this up by simply imagining something you love, a place where you feel happy or at least okay (if happy is not accessible), your favorite time, activity, or friend (human or animal).
Allow the sensation to be pure pleasure as much as possible, even for a few seconds. Hold as long as you are able. Practice moving between a sympathetic nervous system feeling and a ventral vagal feeling. Start with your calm, pleasant state from above and then allow yourself to sense a little more nervous energy with a worrying thought or image.
Breathe and move back into the sense of wellness in your ventral vagal system as you imagine your calm state. Feel the difference in your body. Use your senses to strengthen your ventral vagal nerves. When you listen deeply, laugh, and breathe, you're also working your vagus nerve. Use your senses each day with the awareness that you are innervating and strengthening this nerve.
Studies have found that people with higher vagal tone are less likely to experience intense emotions when stress hits, and they tend to cope with challenges more constructively. They're also better at regulating negative feelings and exercising self-control.
How far can you hear? Can you take long, deep belly breaths? What range of sounds can you make in your throat that feels good to you?
4. Check in with yourself
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Remember that you have access to your nervous system. It doesn’t have to function like a runaway train. Use your breath to connect you to your nervous system. Breathe in slowly several times a day and just check in. Are you feeling anxious, alert, pleased, safe, or worried? Be open to all that is happening with your nerves, with as little negative judgment as possible.
Research confirms that the ability to accurately detect and evaluate cues related to physiological reactions is key to effective emotion regulation and contributes to health and well-being. The practice of daily check-ins creates what scientists call a feedback loop between body and mind, and when you pause to notice whether you're feeling anxious, alert, or at ease, you're actually strengthening neural pathways that support emotional balance.
Imagine yourself as a competent and kind guide to your nerves. Celebrate the sensations in your body while providing calm and reason. Considering that these body sensations could, when needed, provide the energy to save your life, take some time each day to thank your body for this amazing ability.
5. Remind yourself that you've gotten through hard stuff before
Create your own personal system or tools to use when stressed. Now that you actually feel the nerves within your sympathetic nervous system for what they are, you can harness this information to use when you begin to worry.
Here are just a few ideas:
- Write in a journal, post-its, note cards, and/or lists to remind you of the sensation of being safe and calm for when you need it later. Capture these feelings of wellness in as much detail as you can and keep them easily accessible.
- Do the same with any cues of danger so that you can remember these feelings are simply the body checking out your environment.
- Use your Imagination to feel or picture your ventral vagal sensation of social, calm, belonging, and OK in the world.
- Memorize “body bookmarks” of this good feeling and hold these feelings in your body.
Let all your senses get involved! Use movement, dance, touching, or tapping the body, music or other sounds, laughter, and deep breathing. Remind your nervous system that it can trust you to be there, and that you will get through your stress and panic.
Ingrid Helander is a marriage and family therapist helping people who suffer from insecurity, doubt, impossible communication patterns, and overwhelming stress.
