Highly Respected Introverts Use 10 Simple Behaviors To Command Respect
Soft-spoken doesn't mean overlooked.
Bailey Mahon | Unsplash Some of the most respected people you'll ever meet are the ones who say less, listen more, and choose their moments carefully. Introverts have a quiet power that, when used intentionally, commands attention without demanding it.
You don't have to fake extroversion or force yourself into the spotlight to earn respect. These simple behaviors come naturally to introverts who've learned to lean into their strengths rather than fight against them.
Highly respected introverts use 10 simple behaviors to command respect:
1. They know what they like and don't apologize for it
Allow yourself to go for, have, and even flaunt what you believe society thinks is odd or unacceptable. You must be careful here because it would be so easy for me to say, ‘Yo, introvert! Go and do what you want, and ignore the rest! Of course, do those things that gel with you, but use your instinct as a guiding accomplice.
Research in 2022 found that the real secret to being a happy introvert isn't learning to "come out of your shell," it's simply accepting yourself as you are. Constantly forcing yourself to act out of character or viewing your personality as some kind of flaw doesn't lead anywhere good.
96% of people believed that extraverted traits are more valued in society than introverted ones. That means most introverts grow up absorbing the message that who they naturally are isn't quite right, and that they should somehow be different.
If it feels right, and healthy and nourishing, do it. But you may also need balance. For example, if you choose to live in a cabin in the woods for a while, make sure you get some social interaction, too.
2. They nourish their extroverted side
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Sorry to break it to you, but none of us is 100% introverted. ‘Introvert’ is a label and an indicator and shouldn’t be taken as a guide for how to live your life. We all have parts of us that enjoy (and need) social interaction, getting ourselves out there, and being heard.
So don’t let that part of you atrophy through a misguided belief that, because you’re introverted, you should become a person who never leaves their apartment.
Research from the University of California found that when introverts pushed themselves to be more assertive and spontaneous for a week, their moods lifted and their overall well-being improved. Being introverted doesn't mean you don't need connections like everyone else.
3. They make peace with their past
“Accept the past as it was and let go of the emotional attachment to it.” — Lao Tzu
To what degree would you say your past has a say in how you behave today? It’s easy to continually reflect on past events with regret, seeing what happened as a reason for your present struggles. But this is just a thought.
Thoughts can be dropped the minute you realize the past does not influence who you are today. Start by questioning your beliefs. If you believe you’re a ‘shy’ or ‘boring’ person (like I did for a long time), ask yourself if this is strictly true, and whether there are examples to disprove these thoughts. You will find them.
4. They don't chase praise
We all want to be liked. It feels good to get a jolt of dopamine from a liked post or a pat on the back of support. This need is also subtly working against you. Why?
If we rely on validation to feel good and get ahead, it means we also become avoidant of rejection by default. This keeps us anxious and on edge. We must be willing to attract disagreement and to feel the pain of that poke to the ego. This is the secret of those who get far.
When you need that dopamine hit from a compliment or a liked post to feel okay about yourself, you also become terrified of criticism, and that fear starts running the show. Research backs this up and states that people who build their sense of worth from within tend to have steadier self-esteem, even when they face rejection.
But those who depend on approval from others? Their self-esteem becomes a roller coaster, rising and crashing with every interaction.
5. They make like a sloth
I get it: It seems the only way we can even attempt to compete in this chaotic world is by going fast. But most people are jacked up on caffeine, doing meaningless busy work. Slow down, ditch the stimulants, and you’ll make more intelligent decisions that go further. Then you’ll go faster than most anyway.
Research found that people who slowed down to think things through were way more accurate in their decisions (61.6% accuracy compared to just 52.2% for those who rushed). Taking your time literally makes you perform like you're getting paid more to do it.
6. They shift the spotlight off themselves
I once tweeted that ‘the real pandemic is self-obsession.’ People are overly self-conscious, worried about what others think, and continually immersed in a world of personal doubt and insecurity. Happy introverts look outward. They think about contribution and service. Their energy is high, and their outlook is bright because they aren’t trapped in themselves.
They're not wasting mental energy obsessing over how they came across or replaying awkward moments on a loop. They point out that focus outward instead. And it pays off because while money and nice things can make you happy in the moment, studies show it's compassion and service that bring the kind of happiness that sticks around.
7. They regularly write down their thoughts
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As an introvert, I’m very familiar with my tendency to think hard about things for long periods in an attempt to gain a sense of control over my life. I’m an INFJ, meaning I can entertain myself for hours in my thoughts, but often this leaves me quite exhausted.
This is why I love writing as an outlet for my ideas. Even if I don’t publish what I write, I find the process cathartic, and it helps me straighten out my thoughts.
8. They give themselves grace
Finding compassion for ourselves comes naturally when we stop self-berating via our thoughts. A stiller mind creates the perfect environment for compassion. We can encourage this by looking for evidence to support the truth that we are worthy of compassion.
We can also regularly treat ourselves like we’re our motivating life coach. We’re often good at coaching others, but can we coach ourselves?
According to research by Dr. Kristin Neff, 78% of us are more compassionate toward others than ourselves. We'll comfort a friend through their worst moments with patience and kindness, then turn around and speak to ourselves in ways we'd never accept from another person.
9. They operate with a strong sense of ownership
We lose greatly when we see ourselves as victims. When we blame others, all we’re doing is draining our power. Instead, we must own our choices. Taking ownership of both your wins and your losses reflects a mature mind.
Note that you can’t own your wins without owning your losses, too. But when you do, you feel better. You aren’t at the mercy of externalities. You’re your person.
Studies consistently show that people who feel in control of their own lives tend to be more successful, healthier, and happier. When you own your choices, you stop handing your power over to everyone else.
10. They steer the ship
We all can lead others in some way. We can lead as parents, teachers, guides, writers, and organizers. Adopting a leadership position in something where others follow your guidance and are inspired by your example lifts your spirits and sense of aliveness. This is doubled up when you lead in line with a deeper purpose or cause that excites you.
Introverted leaders tend to really hear people out and champion their ideas, and that kind of receptive leadership actually drives better outcomes. Meanwhile, a long-running study out of the University of Wisconsin-Madison discovered that having a sense of purpose is one of the core pillars of psychological well-being, linked to everything from better health to a longer life.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
