Gen-X Girls Were Raised To Follow 8 Unspoken Rules That Turned Out To Be Pure & Utter Garbage
Fortgens Photography | Shutterstock Gen-X girls grew up believing that they could, and should, have it all; it's a nice idea in theory. But as Gen-X knows, reality bites, and many of the things Gen-X girls were taught back then turned out to be completely and utterly off-base.
Gen-X girls were raised to follow a few unspoken rules that don't hold up at all:
1. 'Asking for what you need makes you seem needy'
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Gen-X girls learned that asking for what you need makes you needy, and it turns out that’s completely wrong. Asking for what you need makes you human. Everyone on this earth has needs, and asking for them is part of being a whole-hearted person who honors themselves. As life coach Kira Sabin pointed out, “I feel like I have been spending years gut-checking my beliefs and realizing a bunch of the ideas I was sold were based in old-school misogyny and were keeping me in a fear and scarcity place.” Ladies, no longer.
2. 'Having a bigger body means no one will love you'
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We're all so much more than the bodies we carry, and learning to love ourselves — and our meatsuits —fully means accepting our perceived flaws and imperfections. As writer and editor Rebecca Jane Stokes shares: "We are born into our bodies, which tends to make us think that we don't give them a second thought or care. But what if we treated our bodies the way we would the person with whom we chose to enter into a marriage?” It might take time for Gen-X girls to unlearn the toxic message they received and radically accept themselves, but the journey's 100% worth taking.
3. 'If you’re too successful, men will be intimidated by you'
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Another thing Gen-X girls were taught that turned out to be completely wrong is that being too successful made men feel intimidated and, as a result, they shrank themselves down as a way to cater to the men in their lives, which meant they weren’t living up to the truest version of themselves or letting themselves bloom fully.
As business and life coach Pat Magerkurth explains, “Often, we make choices based on what we think others want us to do, or what we think we should do.” Showing up and being authentic means thinking clearly about what we value, want, and need for our well-being. This doesn’t mean making choices without considering others. It means our needs are a big part of our choices." And in fact, a 2019 study of 3,600 Tinder profiles found zero evidence that men are intimidated by highly educated women, so there ya go.
4. 'Sharing your feelings scares people away'
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Gen-X girls were taught that sharing your feelings scares people away, which turned out to be basically insane. When you pretend you don't have feelings, you lose touch with a vital part of yourself. Well-being expert Tchiki Davis explains that an “important step to being ourselves is showing our vulnerability,” which can be very difficult. “Most of us don’t really want to show the parts of us that we don’t like; the parts that scare us or make us feel ashamed, embarrassed, or weak,” Davis shares. “It’s not so easy to share these parts of ourselves. We worry: What if others change their opinion of us, reject us, or abandon us?”
That fear of rejection underlies the hesitation Gen-X women feel when sharing their true feelings. “It’s scary to be so openly vulnerable,” Davis acknowledges. “It’s like opening up an old wound and telling others right where to poke you. But to fully be ourselves we have to be our full selves.” PERIOD.
5. 'If a boy is mean to you that means he likes you'
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Another thing Gen-X girls were taught that turned out to be completely off is that if a boy is being mean to you, it means he likes you. Buzzer sound ... wrong! If a boy is being mean to you, that means he’s a bully, end of story. When someone genuinely likes you, they're kind and decent. They don’t tease you on the playground or make fun of you in the lunch line. Equating meanness with affection and care is a dangerous concept to teach.
6. 'Men don’t feel their emotions as deeply as women do'
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This toxic mentality basically taught Gen-X girls to settle for less than they deserve when it came to romantic relationships. Men and women may process emotions differently, but that doesn't mean one feels them more deeply than the other. As licensed clinical social worker Terry Gaspard points out, “Self-sufficiency can help us weather the storms of life, but it can also rob us of true intimacy. For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel needed and appreciated for the support they give. Opening up to our partner can make us feel vulnerable and exposed, but vulnerability is the most important ingredient in a trusting, intimate relationship." TLDR: Men who don't emote, ever, are a red flag.
7. 'It’s your job to smile and put on a happy face'
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Gen-X girls were taught it was their lot in life to smile and act happy, no matter what. As adults, this meant they masked their true feelings. Even if everything was falling apart around them or they felt like they were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, they shouldn’t let anyone know. Toxic! Mindfulness coach Moira Hutchinson explains why asking for help is actually an amazing thing. “When you request aid from a friend or relative, they feel emotionally closer to you. Giving and receiving help can enrich your life, and you'll strengthen your relationships and be a better person for it.”
8. 'You can have it all'
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Trying to have it all is a flawed mentality. In their pursuit of leaning in (thanks, Sheryl Sandberg) and having it all, Gen-X women walked straight into total emotional burnout. They lost any sense of balance they had, and they lost their true purpose and true selves while trying to do the impossible. Yet having it all is less important than living a life that’s aligned with who you really are. As life coach Lisa Petsinis advises, “Connect to what matters to you, but before you can do that, you have to spend time getting to know yourself, looking into your heart and connecting to what matters. This means delving into your values, needs, talents, passions, and purpose. Recognize when you feel in alignment and honor yourself by consciously creating your life.”
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
