100 Science Jokes That Will Make You Chuckle Harder Than Laughing Gas

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.

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Everyone has a corny science joke or two up their sleeves. Whether your love of science came from solving problems with your science teacher, or episodes of "Bill Nye the Science Guy," it is safe to say that there is something about how the physical and natural world work that is titillating.

There are so many topics to talk about within the subject of science and they open a world of jokey possibilities to play with. With that said, here are some of the funniest, cheesiest, and nerdiest science jokes for your laughing pleasure.


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100 Funny Science Jokes & Puns

1. Why did the chemist read the book on helium so fast?

Answer: He couldn’t put it down.

2. How do you cut the sea in half?

Answer: With a sea-saw.

3. How do geologists ask each other out?

Answer: They say, “Are you a carbon sample? Because I’d love to date you.”


4. Why did the physicist break up with the biologist?

Answer: There was no chemistry.

5. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?

Answer: Because he has no-body to go with.

6. What is a pirate’s favorite element?

Answer: Aaaaaargon!

7. Why can you never trust atoms?

Answer: They make everything up.

8. What do computers like to eat?

Answer: Chips.

9. Why do plants hate algebra?

Answer: It gives them square roots.

10. What kind of hair do oceans have?

Answer: Wavy hair.

11. What is a cation afraid off?

Answer: The dogions!

12. Where does bad light end up?

Answer: In a prism.

13. What do you call a bunch of iron atoms at a carnival?

Answer: A Ferrous wheel.


14. Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?

Answer: He was released without charge.

15. Why are men sexier than women?

Answer: You can’t spell sexy without XY

16. Why is the pH of YouTube very stable?

Answer: Because it constantly buffers.

17. What do you call acid with an attitude?

Answer: A-mean-oh-acid.

18. Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

Answer: He wanted to win the no-bell prize.

19. Why are chemists great for solving problems?

Answer: They have all the solutions.

20. Two blood cells met and fell in love.

Answer: Alas, it was all in vein.

21. I lost an electron.

Answer: Are you positive?

22. What do protons and life coaches have in common?

Answer: They know how to stay positive.


23. Why did the cloud date the fog?

Answer: Because he was so down to earth.

24. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

Answer: You may have graduated, but I have more degrees.

25. Where did the chemist have his lunch?

Answer: On a periodic table.

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26. What did the protesters in front of the physics lab chant?

Answer: What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? Irrelevant!

27. What did the dog say to his owner?

Answer: “My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz but you’ve probably never heard of that.”

28. What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?

Answer: Sorry, my fault?


29. Which type of books are the hardest to get through?

Answer: Friction books.

30. Since light travels faster than sound...

Answer: People may appear bright until you hear them speak.

31. What do you call a biologist’s self-portrait?

Answer: A cell-fie.

32. How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Answer: Shocked!

33. Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?

Answer: They always ended up with X equals 10.

34. What runs faster: Hot or Cold?

Answer: Hot because you can catch the cold!

35. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

Answer: The food is great but there is no atmosphere!

36. How much room does fungi need in order to grow?

Answer: As mushroom as possible.


37. How often do I make chemistry-related jokes?

Answer: Periodically.

38. What is an astronaut's favorite key on the keyboard?

Answer: The space bar.

39. Why did the germ cross the microscope?

Answer: To get to the other slide.

40. What did one ion say to another?

Answer: I’ve got my ion you.

41. What kind of music do planets dance to?

Answer: Nep-tunes.

42. Why don’t magnets have mates?

Answer: Because they are polar opposites!

43. Do you know the name Pavlov?

Answer: It rings a bell.

44. How easy is it to count in binary?

Answer: It’s as easy as 01 10 11.

45. What is the least interesting element?

Answer: Bohrium.

46. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to 40 different countries and learned to speak seven languages?

Answer: He was a man of many different cultures.


47. What was the first animal to go into space?

Answer: The cow that jumped over the moon.

48. Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?

Answer: At the parking meteors.

49. What kinds of books do planets usually like to read?

Answer: Comet books.

50. What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe?

Answer: Ouch! That’s mitosis!

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51. What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their date?

Answer: We have potential.

52. Want to hear a joke about potassium?

Answer: K.

53. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?

Answer: You rocket.

54. What did the Earth say to the other planets?

Answer: You guys have no life.


55. What is a nuclear physicist’s favorite snack?

Answer: Fission chips.

56. How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space?

Answer: On flying saucers.

57. What type of a dog do chemists own?

Answer: A lab.

58. What should you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?

Answer: Keep trying until you get a reaction.

59. What did the photon say to the hotel clerk when asked if he needed help with his luggage?

Answer: No, I’m traveling light.

60. Why were oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wearing suits and ties?

Answer: They were a formyl group.

61. What did the volcano say to his beautiful wife?

Answer: I lava you.

62. How do we know Saturn was married more than once?

Answer: Because it has too many rings.


63. What was the name of the first Electricity Detective?

Answer: Sherlock Ohms.

64. What did the dung beetle say when it walked into the bar?

Answer: Excuse me, is this stool taken?

65. What do you call an educated tube?

Answer: A graduated cylinder.

66. Why didn’t the sun go to graduate school?

Answer: Because it already had a thousand degrees.

67. Why is electricity the perfect student?

Answer: It conducts itself so well.

68. Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?

Answer: Omg!

69. Why is ice so edgy?

Answer: Because it was water before it was cool!

70. No matter how popular antibiotics get, what’s one thing they can never be?

Answer: Viral.


71. Did you hear about the girl who got cooled to absolute zero?

Answer: She's 0K now

72. What do you call an accountant for the biology department?

Answer: A buy-ologist.

73. What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium?

Answer: Its CoRn Y

74. What did the stamen say to the pistil?

Answer: I like your style.

75. What did the biologist wear to impress his date?

Answer: Designer genes.

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76. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, what would that make them?

Answer: Alloys.

77. Why is it so hard to wake up in the morning?

Answer: Because of Newton’s First Law: A body at rest wants to stay at rest.


78. What do you do with a sick biochemist?

Answer: If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.

79. What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meter long?

Answer: A Pi-thon.

80. Why isn’t the proton speaking to the other proton?

Answer: He’s mad atom.

81. What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?

Answer: Pull down its genes.

82. What did the proton say to the electron to start a fight?

Answer: I’m sick of your negativity.

83. How do you throw a party in space?

Answer: You planet.

84. Why is combining a proton and an electron to make a neutron so popular?

Answer: It’s free of charge.

85. Why did the chemist hang up periodic table posters everywhere?

Answer: It made him feel like he was in his element.


86. What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection?

Answer: Is there antibody out there?

87. Why is the dieting advice to 'eat light' so dangerous?

Answer: That’s how you become a black hole.

88. Why do researchers look forward to Fridays?

Answer: They can wear genes to work.

89. What sound does a subatomic duck make?

Answer: Quark.

90. What type of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

Answer: 2Na.

91. What did the science book say to the math book?

Answer: You’ve got problems.

92. What did the scientist say to the chemist whose lab smelled like eggs?

Answer: Sorry for your sulfuring.

93. Why did the amoeba cross the road?

Answer: It was time to split.


94. Do you want to hear a chemistry pun?

Answer: I am in my element!

95. Why don’t geologists like scary movies?

Answer: Because they’re petrified.

96. What do phlebotomists say before they take your blood?

Answer: B positive!

97. What do you call it when your science teacher lowers your grade?

Answer: Bio-degraded.

98. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?

Answer: Twister.

99. How does a scientist freshen her breath?

Answer: With experi-mints.

100. What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Answer: Don’t take me for granite.

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NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.