If You Feel Drained After Seeing Certain People, Your Gut Is Trying Hard To Tell You These 11 Things
Don't overlook your intuition.
Lopolo | Shutterstock Whether they’re a narcissist, a manipulator, an insecure peer, or just a bad friend, if someone pressures you to be anyone other than your authentic self, chances are you’re going to feel more drained and emotionally exhausted after spending time with them. According to a study from the Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior, constantly monitoring how other people perceive us and how we’re presenting to others can spark emotional burnout and instability quickly.
Of course, there are ways to protect yourself from this exhaustion and dysregulation, and it starts with your intuition. Chances are, if you feel drained after seeing certain people, your gut is trying hard to tell you these things already. It’s sparking a feeling of nervousness or anxiety, making your heart race, and pushing you to avoid spending time with them — those things aren’t a coincidence.
If you feel drained after seeing certain people, your gut is trying hard to tell you these 11 things
1. You’re taking on unnecessary negativity
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Whether it’s cruel gossip about others, complaints from someone who never takes action, or self-doubt from a gaslighter who wants to take advantage of you, if you feel drained after seeing certain people, your gut is trying hard to remind you of the negativity you’re absorbing.
These toxic people can be harmless in small doses, but when you’re consistently making and spending time with them, you’re slowly adopting their mannerisms and digesting the negative energy that they cultivate.
2. You’re overlooking your own needs
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If you’re people-pleasing to protect the peace all the time, chances are your needs are going consistently unmet. Whether it’s emotional support, trust, or unconditional love, the more you minimize your own needs, the more unbalanced and unhealthy your relationships and personal health become.
Authentic self-expression is necessary to live a healthy life, at least according to a study from the Journal of Research in Personality, which is why people-pleasing undermines well-being. You’re living for the approval or validation of others, without realizing that a truly good friend or partner would love you for you.
Even if you’re not consciously aware of these people-pleasing tendencies, if you feel drained after seeing certain people, your gut is trying to tell you these things.
3. You’re not around the right people
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The people you surround yourself with are about more than entertainment or fun. According to therapist John Kim, they have a lot of power to influence your mood, energetic vibe, mental health, and routine.
If you’re surrounded by people who have little self-awareness and need to be the center of attention, chances are you’ll feel more drained, insecure, and negative in every aspect of your life. However, if you’re around people who take accountability, care about your needs, and pull creativity, curiosity, and joy from you, you’ll shine — even when they’re not around.
Sometimes, the environments we put ourselves in and the routines we call into make it hard to notice when a friend or partner isn’t right for us. But if you feel drained after seeing certain people, your gut is trying hard to tell you these things.
4. Your friends are jealous
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If your friends are constantly minimizing your accomplishments, bringing down the vibe when you’re excited, or finding small things to critique when you’re talking about the future, chances are they’re not “being honest” or “protecting you,” but harboring their own sense of envy or jealousy.
It might be hard to spot a fake friend who’s jealous of you, especially if you’ve never had solid, supportive friends before, but your gut instincts will guide you if you’ll listen. These friends are not only emotionally draining, taking away the excitement about life, but they also have the power to sabotage your goals and plans if you’re not careful.
5. You’re not being heard
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If someone in your life is convinced that you’re “needy” or “clingy,” but you feel consistently unsupported and drained, chances are they’re actually a gaslighter, not a “brutally honest” person. They’re trying to make you feel insecure and doubtful of your own needs, so they can put in less work and effort in a relationship.
If you feel drained after hanging out with someone or generally unsupported in a relationship, your gut is probably trying to tell you that you’re not being heard. Either a gaslighter is trying to break you down to make it easier to take advantage of you, or you’re in the wrong friend group to support your needs.
6. Your energy isn’t being reciprocated
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If your body always feels tense or your mind is racing with anxious thoughts when you’re around someone, it could be your gut trying to tell you that you’re in the wrong space. When we’re caught up in a manipulator’s web of lies and being told that we’re “needy,” chances are we don’t see all the ways a person isn’t meeting our needs or reciprocating our effort and warmth.
Feeling drained after a social interaction is normal, especially if you’re an introvert. But being consistently tired, anxious, and drained after spending time with a friend or partner can also be a red flag that they’re not actually the right person for you.
7. You’re losing sight of your identity
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Many people feel a loss of identity that’s incredibly disillusioning when they’re faced with a big life change, like experiencing a loss or grappling with grief, according to a study from the Journal of Psychopathology and Clinical Science. However, other small moments and relationships you choose to keep in your life should boost and reaffirm your identity, like a close circle of friends or a partner.
If someone makes you question your identity in harmful ways or pushes you away from routines, hobbies, and joy that build your identity, chances are you’re with the wrong person. That’s why you feel consistently drained after spending time with them — your body’s self-preservation instincts are working overtime trying to urge you to leave.
8. You’re being talked about behind your back
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If you feel drained after seeing certain people, your gut is trying hard to tell you that they’re not right for you. Whether you feel lonely in the crowd of “friends” or notice that they’re laughing behind your back, these are not the right people for you.
Most of the time, chronic loneliness in a person’s life doesn’t have to do with their solitude or the number of friends they have, but the quality of the interactions and relationships they make space for. For example, a person with bad friends who talk poorly behind their back or make them feel misunderstood is likely to feel more lonely than someone with no friends at all.
It’s scary to consider walking away from friends, especially if you’re an extrovert or fear being alone, but to harbor unhealthy friendships and relationships at the expense of internal well-being is far worse than facing the internal healing you need to enjoy your own company.
9. You’re bracing for judgment
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Even in casual conversations, interactions, or the moments leading up to hanging out with a “friend,” if you’re bracing for judgment, rather than warmth or support, your gut instincts are probably trying to warn you.
Of course, all relationships and friendships go through rough patches, but if you’re constantly walking on eggshells with the people in your life, chances are they’re not the right people to keep around.
10. You need more alone time
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Even if it seems counterintuitive, sometimes we need intentional alone time to make our relationships healthier. If we’re not taking time to unwind, reflect, regulate our emotions, and grow our own personal identity, it’s our well-being that’s at stake — making it harder to show up as our best selves in our relationships.
Chances are, if you’re an introvert, you understand the feeling of this drain all too well. But if you don’t, there are a few ways our gut instincts remind us to prioritize alone time: anxiety, racing thoughts, a lack of energy, and even avoidance of things we typically enjoy.
11. Other people are asking for things you can’t offer
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Even if someone is relatively healthy in your life, if they’re asking for things that you can’t offer or for attention that comes at the expense of your own well-being, they’re probably not the right friend or partner for you.
Overlooking our own needs every once in a while to support someone is often necessary to cultivate healthy relationships, but feeling an obligation to do it all the time is toxic.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
