If You're Exhausted All The Time, It Might Be Because You Carry These 11 Invisible Responsibilities
You're dealing with more inner turmoil than you acknowledge.
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock If you’re waking up tired every single day, it could be a sign that you’re not prioritizing rest or getting enough sleep, but it could also be a “red flag” that you’re struggling with mental health issues or invisible responsibilities like chronic stress. Mental fatigue is often overlooked in favor of physical illness a lot, but the truth is, the struggles with concentration, mood swings, and lowered productivity you’re experiencing are all rooted in emotional, internal turmoil.
From the struggles of parenthood to the pressure to be someone other than your authentic self, If you’re exhausted all the time, it might be because you carry these invisible responsibilities. All of these things are easily justifiable by an avoidant person, but they only craft a storm of inner stress and resentment that pops up in unfortunate ways.
If you’re exhausted all the time, it might be because you carry these 11 invisible responsibilities
1. Taking care of the cognitive load of the household
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Especially for women and mothers, who tend to carry the “invisible labor” of their households, it’s not surprising that many people feel chronically exhausted, not just managing their own lives and responsibilities, but also those of their households. According to a study from the University of Arizona, the lack of acknowledgement and burnout these tasks provoke can negatively affect every aspect of a person’s life.
Whether it’s planning their kids' extracurricular activities, picking kids up from school, planning parties, managing appointments, or making sure everyone knows what they have to do, if you’re exhausted all the time, it might be because you carry these invisible responsibilities.
2. Keeping the peace
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If there’s turmoil with a partner at home or you’re trying to keep the vibes of a household uplifted with guests over, this people-pleasing can often be emotionally taxing. You don’t have space to feel how you're feeling or work through true issues — you’re always trying to maintain a level of calmness and chaos-free energy.
According to psychotherapist Illene Strauss Cohen, this people-pleasing behavior encourages people to live in response to other people — what they think, how they feel, what they need — rather than for themselves. So, it’s no surprise that the loss of personal identity they experience is often draining and emotionally exhausting.
3. Dealing with guilt and internalized shame
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A study from European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry found that internalized shame and feelings of guilt can often provoke anxiety and depressive symptoms. If you’re holding onto guilt for things you did in the past or shame in your daily life today — around relationships, self-esteem, money, or a million other things — the exhaustion you feel could be rooted in those experiences.
Self-reflection and healthy coping can often help to manage guilt in adults, but acknowledging and addressing it first is key. If you’re not sure where these limiting, exhausting beliefs stem from, it will be much harder to cope with them amid the chaos of everyday life. It’s a practice that takes time, intention, and grace to solidify.
4. Being the ‘therapist friend’
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If you’re always the emotionally intelligent person listening to everyone else and helping people solve problems, often without any acknowledgement or support for yourself, it can quickly become a draining role. The “therapist friend” role in any friend group also often coincides with burnout, especially when there’s no reciprocity or boundaries to govern their intellect.
Of course, emotional intelligence largely adds a lot of value to our lives, according to a study from the Canadian Veterinary Journal, but if you’re never given a break from being “the therapist” or “the healer” at home, it can become a point of resentment quickly.
5. Being the ‘Plan B’ for adult children
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If you have adult children living and navigating the world without a ton of financial or social stability, you could be their “Plan B.” While some parents are open about wanting to help their kids and provide support, without boundaries this can quickly spark constant guilt, chronic stress, and burnout.
It’s not uncommon, especially from a financial standpoint, considering almost half of parents are currently financially supporting their adult children, according to a study from Savings.com. Even if they’re not asking for help right now or feel comfortable, if you’ve been defined as “the back-up plan” when things go wrong, you may always be anticipating an unexpected need, even if it’s subconsciously.
6. Being available all the time
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Whether it’s being available 24/7 for work responsibilities or being “on call” with your families and in relationships, feeling like you never truly have space to unwind and sit with your own company without fear of distractions can be exhausting.
For many people, the alone time these burnt-out individuals miss out on is “pivotal” to their mental health, at least according to an Ohio State University survey. They have the chance to regulate their emotions, reflect on their days, and simply unwind without pressure, but for those who are “always on” or “always available,” that time is always veiled by invisible responsibilities.
7. Pretending to be OK
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If you’re a mother afraid of letting your kids see your struggles or a worker who’s scared of seeming disconnected at work, chances are you’re probably feeling exhausted all the time pretending to be OK. However, this pretending isn’t always the grasp at control we believe it to be, at least according to psychologist Bruce Wilson.
The lack of self-awareness and cognitive dissonance that constant pretending sparks can lead to a disconnection from self-image, leading to less control and grounded energy than they started with.
8. Being the caregiver
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Especially for Gen Xers, who are labelled the “sandwich generation” because of their caregiving responsibilities for aging parents and children, caregiving can become a pillar of emotional exhaustion in a person’s life.
On top of dealing with all the chaos of everyday life and personal struggles, these caregivers also have to be available to support someone in need of support — often, alongside emotional strains and anxiety.
It’s not easy to be a selfless caregiver, but there are ways to take care of yourself to ensure that you’re not helping others at the expense of your own well-being.
9. Dealing with anticipatory grief
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While many experts characterize anticipatory grief in the framework of losing a loved one, it can also be an experience that people have always considered the worst-case scenario. Whether it’s worrying about heartbreak, life changes, or even getting older, if you’re exhausted all the time, it might be because you carry these invisible responsibilities in your household and family.
You feel pressured to think a million steps ahead to fend off the inevitable, even if it comes at the expense of your own well-being.
10. Being in a toxic relationship
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Whether it’s friends that drain your energy or a toxic partner who’s not truly looking out for your best interests, being in a toxic relationship can often be the root cause of emotional exhaustion for many people. Even if you’re not entirely conscious of it or aware of how unhealthy a relationship truly is, being in this kind of draining relationship can lead to a lot of stress and strain.
According to counselor Stephanie A. Sarkis, the emotional and physical boundaries that protect our energy and mental health are often consistently and intentionally disrespected by toxic people. So, it’s not surprising that partners or family members of a toxic person are always reeling from the consequences of their toxicity — even if they can’t verbalize exactly what’s bothering them.
11. Overthinking the worst-case scenario
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People who constantly think about the “worst-case scenario” often throw themselves into a constant spiral of anxiety, fear, and anticipatory grief. They can’t live in the present moment, because they’re so worried about the future or situations where they have no control to do so.
Even if it seems like an element of control from time to time, it often leads to people experiencing less in the long run. The anxiety of being constantly on edge can quickly turn your life into a chaotic, stressful dynamic, where you don’t feel “prepared,” but out of control.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
