Bridesmaid Receives Surprise Invoice From Bride’s Mom To Help Pay For The Expensive Bridal Shower
She didn't even help plan the event.
Traci Beattie | Shutterstock Weddings tend to bring out both the best and worst in people, especially when it comes to the cost of these ceremonies. It seems, despite the purpose of weddings being a joyous occasion, between the planning and organizing, that joy can quickly turn to stress and complications, at least that was the case for one bridesmaid in particular.
Sharing her dilemma with 'Miss Manners,' she questioned how she should respond after the bride's mom sent her a surprising bill following the bridal shower. She claimed that contributing to the cost of the party was not something they had ever discussed.
A bridesmaid received a surprise invoice from the bride's mom asking to help pay for the bridal shower.
In her submission, the anonymous bridesmaid explained that all the bridesmaids received an invoice from the bride's mother stating that they owed a "substantial sum of money" to help pay for the upcoming bridal shower. She claimed that compared to prior bridal showers she's been to in the past, the one for this wedding is a lot more lavish and expensive.
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"The shower has ballooned in size and scope to rival some weddings I’ve attended in the past, so I am not surprised it is proving to be expensive," she recalled. "But I had no input as to how big this shower has become, and being asked — no, told — to pay for it strikes me as inappropriate. Am I wrong?"
Considering the bridesmaids weren't involved in the planning or given even an inkling that they would be contributing to the affair, the fact that the bride's mom is trying to pass off some of the costs onto them is unacceptable. None of them should be responsible for paying for the wedding shower, especially when they didn't even have a say in the cost or budget.
The bridesmaid was encouraged to politely bow out of being a part of the wedding.
In response to the bridesmaid's dilemma, the advice columnist encouraged her to send a message back to the bride's mom informing her that, since she wasn't aware of any costs that came with the role of bridesmaid, she would no longer be able to fulfill her duties moving forward.
"All of you should respond by asking the bride’s mother to give her daughter your love, along with your profound regrets that you are unable to serve as bridesmaids after all, having been unaware of the cost," she insisted. "Bridesmaids are supposedly chosen because they are the dearest people to the bride. Why, then, are they considered exploitable for both labor and money? This calls for a strike."
Since the bride's mother is the one sending out the invoices, it's possible the bride doesn't even know about it, and once her entire bridal party bails on the big day, someone will have to answer for it. This would be an entirely different conversation if the wedding party were tasked with planning the shower, but that was not the case.
Most newlyweds end up going into debt because of their wedding.
Weddings are expensive. Even small, understated affairs add up. Many of the costs are difficult to justify, especially for a young couple just starting out, and many newlyweds find themselves scrambling to pay for an event that meets their vision.
In a survey from U.S. News, newlyweds were asked a series of questions about their wedding expenses, including how they paid for the wedding and why they chose certain funding methods. Researchers found that over half of newlyweds (56%) took on debt to pay for their wedding, using credit cards (39%), bank loans (18%), family loans (18%), or a combination of them. Among the couples who borrowed money, 48% said they weren't expecting to go into debt when they were initially planning their wedding, and 42% regret going into debt over wedding expenses.
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It makes sense that they would be upset. A one-day party is not worth risking financial stability. One bride turned to Reddit to share that social media has made the whole process that much worse. She wrote, "I feel like every wedding I see on social media now is like a celebrity one — and I don’t think I’ll be able to live up to that! It’s making me really anxious about the day itself."
With everything else that newlyweds have to worry about, like making sure they have enough money to start their lives together, going into debt over a wedding that really only lasts one day just doesn't seem necessary. There are plenty of options where a couple can still have a memorable and exciting ceremony without risking their future. The same goes for bridal showers and the other mini-celebrations before the big day. There's no reason to burden anyone else with those costs.
And most importantly, stop throwing weddings for social media posts. Your wedding is about you, your partner, and the loved ones invited. Why does it matter if strangers on social media think it looked lavish?
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
