Man Says Couple Went Ahead And Deposited The Check His Wife Gave Them For A Bridal Shower Despite Calling Off The Wedding

This couple was certainly not following wedding etiquette.

bride being handed gifts at bridal shower Lucky Business / Shutterstock

The etiquette surrounding weddings can be tricky. So much of it is traditional, but as the years have gone by, some rules have slowly started to shift. 

One man was left wondering what to do after the bride and groom deposited his check, even though they called off the wedding.

An engaged couple deposited a check that was a bridal shower gift just one day before calling off their wedding.

A concerned man posted on Reddit to find out if he was in the wrong for wanting his money returned to him after a wedding ended up not happening.

@suzy.says Answer to @icouldcareless12 What do you do with gifts when the wedding is called off? #weddingetiquette #manners #etiquette #mannersstillmatter ♬ Up Beat (Married Life) - Kenyi

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“My wife attended a bridal shower 10 days ago that she drove [about] four hours to get to,” he said. “We gave a $75 check.”

Unfortunately, things didn't work out for the bride and groom. “She found out yesterday that the wedding has been called off,” he said.

But that didn’t stop the former couple from taking their money. “We saw today that they deposited our check two days ago,” he explained. “Am I wrong for thinking that they should have just ripped our check up?”

Under different circumstances, the man wouldn’t be quite so upset. “Maybe if we gave them a physical gift, it would be different (I wouldn’t expect them to ship something back), but to deposit a check a day before calling off the wedding seems shady,” he stated. “I can be petty, though, so trying to get a gauge here!”


The man clarified that this wasn’t going to ruin the friendship between the four of them. It was just something he was contemplating.

“There is no consideration to try and ‘get the money back,’ and no friendships are ending over this,” he said.

group of friends standing around a mirror at a bridal shower Alina Levkovich / Pexels

He also offered his sympathy for the couple and didn’t want his question to take away from their heartbreak. “I am not a psychopath — this is obviously horrible for them,” he stated firmly. “I’m merely posing a question of principle.”


Finally, the man shared his suspicions about what really happened and how their check became a part of it all. “My qualm stems from the fact that I do not believe there was a sudden and unexpected specific event that has recently led to this decision,” he said.

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Wedding etiquette supports this man’s line of reasoning.

According to The Knot, if a wedding is canceled, gifts should be returned.

“You’re supposed to return all the engagement, shower, and wedding gifts you’ve received — even presents that’ve been personalized (like monogrammed towels) — to the guests who sent them,” they said. “If you’ve used any of the gifts, it’s okay not to send them back, but everything else should go.”


One could argue that the money had been used if it was deposited in someone’s account. However, is that argument really valid when it was deposited only one day before the wedding was called off?

camera and signs used as decorations for bridal shower Feyza Simsek / Pexels

Ultimately, as this man pointed out, the likelihood that something urgent and pressing occurred that caused them to call off the wedding with no forethought is low. The couple probably knew that this was coming and simply chose that day to make the announcement.


This does call into question the fairness of what they did. To deposit a check that was a bridal shower gift the day before calling off the wedding, when they likely already knew they were going to do so, does feel “shady.” Commenters agreed.

“Not wrong,” one person said. “No wedding [equals] no wedding gifts. They should return all gifts to the givers.”

“I don’t think you’re wrong,” another agreed. “I think it is extremely tacky to keep the money if the wedding has been called off.”


Ultimately, if a wedding is called off, it’s really not right to keep the gifts received. They were given with the belief they would be used and enjoyed during the marriage. When that situation changes, the gifts should go back.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.