Being A High-Value Woman Isn’t About Looks, It’s About These 11 Quiet Standards
It's about emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and grace.
matsiukpavel | Shutterstock Despite patriarchal expectations and societal norms that tend to diminish women to their appearance, the characteristics and behaviors of high-value, intelligent, successful women are internally motivated. They’re more emotionally intelligent — setting boundaries, advocating for themselves, and embracing intentional vulnerability. They’re also socially aware of all the stigmas and standards they’re misguidedly held to.
Being a high-value woman isn’t about looks. It’s about the quiet standards women set for themselves, outside societal expectations and pressures. They can advocate for their own needs while still finding success amid the chaotic societal standards they’re held to in places like the workplace.
Being a high-value woman isn’t about looks; it’s about these 11 quiet standards:
1. High-value women don’t tolerate disrespect
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High-value women don’t tolerate disrespect — period. Whether in the workplace with a boss, in a relationship, or amongst friends in a social setting, they set boundaries and advocate for themselves when someone disrespects them.
While it may be a quiet standard they hold themselves to personally, research from Stanford suggests that this kind of disrespect, when left unmitigated or acknowledged, can promote self-isolating behaviors, especially when it’s targeted based on a social construct like gender or race. So, refusing to tolerate disrespect, high-value women aren’t just protecting their wellbeing, they’re actively pushing back against societal oppression that’s tried to pressure them into isolation and self-doubt for decades.
2. They avoid saying bad things about others
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Although gossip can help people bond and create connections in some contexts, high-value women try to avoid drama and negativity in their discussions. They don’t talk badly about other people for no reason, and they refuse to spread rumors or drama. These women distance themselves from situations or discussions dominated by negativity.
High-value women aren’t just self-aware and externally charismatic; they tend to craft a thoughtful and positive energy that acts as a safe and grounding space for everyone in their lives.
3. High-value women are kind — to everyone
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Being a high-value woman isn’t about looks or appearance — they’re characterized by how they treat other people and the values and standards they hold to. For instance, high-value women prioritize empathy, engaging in compassionate dialogues, and embodying a warm spirit, even when facing disagreement from others.
Of course, many high-value women set boundaries around empathy and respect when advocating for respect, but they’re never rude or mean to gain misguided superiority or diminish someone else’s opposing beliefs.
4. They’re reliable
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According to psychology expert George S. Everly, reliability is the key to relationship success, which is why high-value women tend to hold themselves to a high standard when it comes to showing up for the people in their lives.
They don’t cancel plans at the last minute — they show up for their friends physically and emotionally, and they’re not afraid to sometimes put other people before themselves when it’s needed. They’re consistent and stable in other people’s lives because they know how to take care of themselves. They give advice when prompted, help other people in adversity, and lean into vulnerability in ways that craft safe spaces for the people in their lives.
5. They stay calm under pressure
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According to the World Economic Forum, the most successful people and leaders know how to manage their emotions in highly emotional or stressful situations. Whether it’s a conflict at home or a discussion in the workplace, high-value women lead with grace, regulating themselves in the moment before showing up to guide and advise their peers.
Staying calm under pressure is a common trait of high-value women with the self-awareness and emotional intelligence to excel at it. While other people cope with their stress and overcompensate for anxiety, they remain calm and resourceful, crafting a grounding space for people to feel heard and supported, even in the most chaotic moments.
6. High-value women love a challenge
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While it may be subtle and unsuspecting to others, high-value women hold themselves to a standard of personal growth that allows them to embrace challenges, change, and mistakes. They don’t perceive their mistakes as “failures,” but instead take accountability and learn from them in a way that propels their personal growth.
They’re not afraid to dive headfirst into something they’ve never done before or seek guidance from someone when they don’t know something—they hold themselves to a comfortable and confident standard of open-mindedness that not only allows them to succeed but also provides opportunities for education and growth.
7. They own up to their mistakes
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Despite societal pressures that urge women to adopt shame-driven mindsets about mistakes and shortcomings, high-value women embrace the art of making them. They know that taking accountability is a foundational element of living a happier and healthier life.
Whether they own up to misbehavior in a relationship or seek guidance when they don’t know something at work, high-value women accept discomfort and challenge with grace. Without getting out of their comfort zone or accepting responsibility for their mistakes, they know they’ll never truly grow, which is why it’s one of the quiet standards they hold themselves to.
8. They set boundaries and advocate for themselves
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Of course, it’s not always comfortable or exciting to set boundaries in any aspect of your life, but high-value women embrace the discomfort of advocating for themselves, knowing it will pay off in the end. They’re not just adamant about setting them either, they make an effort to maintain them in every aspect of their lives — having open and honest conversations with other people to ensure they’re met and respected.
With the emotional intelligence to unpack and learn what they need internally, high-value women can set boundaries when they feel unheard or disrespected, allowing them to craft healthier dynamics and connections without compromising their needs.
9. High-value women end relationships that don’t serve them
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According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, many people wait until their relationship satisfaction level is much lower before deciding to end a relationship, when they’re at a place where vulnerability, healthy conversation, and emotional expression feel like a waste of time.
However, high-value women tend to recognize “red flags” in partners and friends before they actually build a relationship. They’re willing to put in the work with partners and friends because they know they’re on the same page — they’re not jumping into relationships with people who don’t add value to their lives.
When they feel like they’ve outgrown a friendship or are misaligned with a partner, they have that conversation early and often, trying to pave a better path forward with empathy before completely ending a connection.
10. They find purpose and meaning in their lives
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According to a 2009 study on psychological well-being, people who seek out purpose and meaning in their lives tend to be happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. Whether they find shared experiences with strangers on the street, pursue a career that adds value to their lives, or find meaning in the mundanity of their everyday lives, high-value women set a quiet standard with themselves to intentionally find purpose.
Even if it’s doing chores or watching their kids after work, they find purpose in little things that add value and satisfaction to their lives. This not only improves their psychological well-being and health but also allows them to show up better for other people in their lives.
11. They embrace (and enjoy) time alone
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A study published in the Scientific Reports journal found that solitude can have several benefits, like promoting better mood, self-reflection, and emotional intelligence, for people who best leverage their alone time. High-value women, despite being societally pressured to be constantly social and available, set boundaries to protect their alone time in ways that help them maximize these benefits.
Whether they spend this alone time indulging in hobbies, reflecting on their day, or regulating unresolved emotions, they make time for themselves in a way that society tends to dismiss and disregard.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
