8 Small Behaviors That Intimidate Weaker People But Are Actually The Path To Happiness
Some people look past the negativity and into what can truly be.
Insta_photos via Shutterstock As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you believe you can or you cannot, you are right." And this simple message is still true today: You hold the key to your happiness and success. The problem is, the process of reaching your goals can be intimidating to some.
It can be intimidating to do the work of figuring out why you aren't happy and why you aren't living your dreams. You have to dig into what holds you back — and if you're not feeling strong, that can be scary.
The good news? If you're interested enough to read this article, you are strong enough! Getting started now, while you're feeling the momentum, is a great first step.
1. Write down or voice memo negative thoughts
Start to capture the thoughts and feelings you have. Listen for any and all inner negative talk such as "I can’t", " it's not possible", "not good enough" or "it won't help". Identify the feelings you experience, from excitement to stomach aches or feeling anxious. Then, you can focus on solutions.
As Stanford Professor and growth mindset pioneer Carol Dweck, has said, "Focusing on solutions instead of problems fosters creativity, innovation, and collaboration." This isn't just an opinion. Research shows that, "thinking about solutions rather than problems during a self-coaching writing exercise increases both people’s immediate affective states and their goal-directed motivation," according to a report in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.
2. Identify how negative thoughts hold you back
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For example, if you notice you are telling yourself something is not possible for you, question why it’s not. Is it due to a past experience when something didn’t go your way? Is it something someone has told you? Is it the fear of trying and failing?
Recognize how that belief limits you. When you tell yourself something is not possible for you, how does that stop you from experiencing life and bringing what you want in to your life?
Most people can identify what they don't want, but who wants to waste their energy on those things?
3. Identify what exactly you do want in life
Getting to the root cause of the beliefs will help you unpick them. We forget how the spoken word (and thoughts and written words, too!) influence us and how our experiences hardwire us. They can help us or hold us back.
However, change is possible when you decide to learn new ways of thinking, being and doing, and new neural pathways develop through your consistent efforts. A report from Colorado State University explains that there are three steps to "rewiring" our brains so that we can start thinking differently:
"First, there is a cue that triggers the brain to immediately and automatically perform a behavior. Then there is routine, which represents the behavior itself, whatever the habit might be – this is where the routine is performed. Lastly, there is reward where the brain recognizes something it likes and remembers the loop of events for the future."
So start shifting away from "this is what I don't want" to "this is what I do want" and gently start reshaping your inner (and outer) dialog.
4. Decide how you want to feel in your life and describe it
Don't stop with your career or love goals. After all, these are all external. Shift focus into what you would like to feel, as well. If you say you want a better job, how would that job make you feel? Secure, appreciated, fulfilled by your daily work? Write those things down and work to remember them.
More examples: You may want to feel full of energy or to feel like your health is the best it has ever been: vibrant, awake, joyful, alive.
5. Create beliefs that support what you want
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For example, start thinking, 'I will appreciate how alive I feel when I'm in the moment" and "I will observe how loved I feel when I'm with someone who truly appreciates me".
Then, try to shift focus onto those things. You an even say outloud (or write down) "My wife makes me feel so loved" or "My children bring me so much joy."
6. Reinforce new beliefs throughout your day
Your old beliefs may surface. Don't fight them. Acknowledge them for what they are — old — and focus on the new, shifting the negativity slowly. You can journal or say out loud (or even just think to yourself) something like, "I have felt unlovable in the past, but now I am able to appreciate the love I have around me."
Most importantly, allow yourself to feel good!
7. Take small steps every day toward what you want
Always stretch yourself just enough to push your comfort zone. As the old cliche advice goes, "Do one thing out of your comfort zone per day".
If once a day is too much, that's OK! There may not be that many opportunities. But offer yourself the option to do one thing outside of your comfort zone daily, even if that is just a new way of thinking about an old problem.
8. Never give up
Live the life of your dreams. You will need to be persistent ... stubborn, even! But you can keep your focus on what you want to feel, the beliefs you want to hold, and the joy you want to surround yourself with, and your goals will grow closer and closer.
Bottom line, you have to identify what's getting in the way and work through it in order to move on.
Limiting beliefs are not the easiest things to unpick, but unpick them you must! It's time for change. Believe it, create it, and ultimately, stop getting in your own way!
Yvonne Bignall is a personal development coach living in the United Kingdom. She hosts Permission to Thrive online.
