The Art Of Aging Beautifully: 8 Ways To Gently Outgrow Habits That No Longer Serve You
Curated Lifestyle | Unsplash Sometimes, you need to take a break. When you do, depending on what you do, new habits may form, and they may not be the healthiest. Emotions run higher than usual. You self-soothe with food, adult beverages, online shopping, doom-scrolling, or binge-watching TV.
Some people try to control everything around them, only to become mentally frustrated and emotionally spent as they age. Others worry about everything and get nowhere, or complain and feel unheard. As you grow older and age more beautifully, will the way you’ve chosen to spend your time interfere with your life going forward?
Here are 8 ways to gently outgrow habits that no longer serve you:
1. First, be aware of the habits you want to change
Do you recognize any patterns in your daily activities? You may be practicing habits that seem harmless, but could change the course of your life.
- Are you putting your goals on hold?
- Does your dream feel like it’s unattainable now that your life has changed?
- Is your day spent just going through the motions?
Give yourself time to reflect on why you do it, what reward you get, and what you’ll gain by giving it up. This process can take some time. You’ll be more successful when you're ready to make the change.
2. Choose to do something about it
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Make a decision and stick with it. Relapses happen, but you can always choose to get back on the bandwagon. Giving yourself grace and having patience will come in handy.
What causes you to fall back on bad habits? The first culprit is boredom. When bored, you usually gravitate to something that will pass the time. Next on the list of usual suspects is stress. Many things make you feel anxious, pressured, or hassled these days.
When boredom or stress sets in, finding ways to take yourself away from it all mindlessly is a go-to strategy for many of us. In this unconscious state, it’s easy to fall back into bad habits. They can take hold without you even realizing it.
3. Replace each lousy habit with one that serves you better
- Are you eating more chocolate, even though you’re not hungry?
- Is a trip to the back patio for another cigarette what satisfies you at the moment?
- Do you pour yourself that "it's 5 o’clock somewhere" cocktail a bit too often or earlier than usual?
- Is your couch gaining a permanent impression of your form?
When you take candy from a baby, you’d better have something that tops that to give them instead. You're no different. For instance, I traded salty, buttery macadamia nuts for sweet and crunchy green and red grapes.
4. Avoid your triggers
First, you have to determine what sparks the habit. Then, you have to avoid them. Is it a particular place, time of day, or emotional state? Perhaps certain people or an event can initiate the craving. Take yourself out of those situations as much as you can to make it easier for yourself.
Does the bad habit address a particular need? Bad habits are coping mechanisms. And our habits — both good and bad — shape who we are, what we believe, and how we behave. There's a pattern of behavior for every habit we engage in.
First, we get a cue. Then, we get a craving. Next comes our response to that craving. And finally, we receive the reward. James Clear, in his New York Times bestselling book Atomic Habits, explains it this way:
"You do not crave smoking a cigarette; you crave the feeling of relief it provides. Similarly, you are not motivated by brushing your teeth, but rather by the feeling of a clean mouth. You do not want to turn on the television; you want to be entertained. Every craving is linked to a desire to change your internal state."
So, if you want to learn how to change bad habits, you'll want to understand the need it fulfills.
5. Hang out with people whose good habits rub off on you
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This piece of advice is the one that helped me the most years ago when I decided to quit smoking. When I stopped being around smokers, I thought less about lighting up. It was easier for me to make progress when I changed my environment.
A study of breakfast eating habits of college students showed the positive impact of having peer support in changing poor eating habits. Peer support helped create changes in awareness and behavior of bad habits.
6. Find a habit-breaking buddy
Neurologically-based research helps explain how habits persist even if there is no longer a reward. "Habits are sticky. They come back despite our best efforts to suppress them, often when we are at our weakest point."
Whenever you’re trying to do something hard, it’s always easier when you have someone who cares to keep you on track when you are at your weakest. Let at least one person know what you’re working on, so they can help you. It’s an excellent way to stay accountable to your goal of changing bad habits.
7. Think about the positive outcome
Imagine that you've succeeded in breaking bad habits. Think about how you’ll feel when you can get into that outfit you haven’t been able to wear in a while. Research supports the beneficial role of positive thinking in overcoming stress, and overcoming stress is a huge part of changing habits.
What will it feel like to take yourself out for a run or walk, instead of watching TV? How proud will you be when you pay off the credit-card balance because you stopped binge shopping? Imagine the outcome of changing bad habits, and you’ll be motivated to stick with it.
8. Be patient with yourself
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What do you gain by getting rid of bad habits? Once you get a handle on why you engage in the habit and, assuming you want to change it, you might want to think about how you will benefit. When the reason for changing the bad habit is bigger and better than the reason for doing it, you’ll find the motivation to move in that direction.
I’ve had my share of bad habits over the years, some of which were extremely hard to break. One of them was snacking mindlessly on macadamia nuts. My reward was the pleasant crunch, the buttery flavor, and the salty aftertaste.
I read somewhere they are healthy for me, too. However, I didn’t read the fine print on how calorie-dense those delicious little nuggets are. When I started to gain weight, I realized what the culprit was. So, I decided it was a bad habit I wanted to break.
Change — of any kind — is a test of your desire, willpower, and resolve. Changing bad habits is no different. When bad habits take hold, they can interfere with making the right decisions for your life and career. Think about the newest bad habits you might have acquired in the recent past.
How many of them do you want to take into the future? Now is the time to start with the first step to take notice and choose what you want to do instead.
María Tomás-Keegan is a certified career and life coach for women, transition expert, and founder of Transition & Thrive with María.
