Anxious People Who Eventually Find True Inner Peace Do These 7 Things To Find A Happier Inner Self
The happiest people don't wait for all that stress to build up.
Jb Jorge Barreto | Unsplash We're all very human. Sometimes we have stress and want to ease our heart, mind, and body. If we believe it's doable to go there, guess what? We can! Here's how.
Anxious people who eventually find true inner peace do these 7 things to find a happier inner self
1. They do regular check-ins ... with themselves
I believe everything we do is meant to meet a need of ours, whether we're in touch with that or not. So checking in is the most important step to inner and outer harmony.
Set your timer to 30 or 60 minutes; the more out of sync and unconnected you feel, the longer time you may need. Ask, "What need am I wanting to meet right now?" This can be an accomplishment, comfort, support, consistency, integrity, or many other needs that all humans share.
Recently, I found myself feeling inner resistance as I sat at my desk. I wasn't sure why I was restless. Only when I stopped to ask myself what I was missing, wanting, or needing did I identify that I had a strong need to feel free!
When I stopped working on what was a "should" and identified what felt rewarding, my resistance was gone. I know we don't always get to do whatever we feel like at any given moment, but even if I had committed to handling that "should," I could connect with my pleasure when I got to the place of completion.
If my check-in reveals that I'm needing calmness, I'm likely to take a 15-minute nap or walk around the block, meditate, or read quotes I like. If instead, I crave accomplishment and am feeling scattered, I focus on the one most important task I've been working on and commit to completing it.
2. They change their surroundings
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Usually, a change of scene will draw me into a state of calmness. When I've noticed that I'm not feeling peaceful, and don't have any deadlines, I get up from my desk and put on music to dance to. If dancing isn't an option, I think of where I can walk to get something I already need, like food, exercise, etc.
A new focus will usually help sweep out the feeling of stress. So there are two options: you can sit with mixed feelings and dread about a specific situation, or you can pick from a list you make and keep of places that get you to a new perspective. What's your choice?
3. They write it all the way out of their system
If you're feeling dismay or fear about a situation you're dealing with any other person involved, that's out of your control. So you might write a letter expressing your feelings and needs. Identify what you see as the other person's feelings and needs.
When you finish, notice whether sending the letter would be useful or not. If you don't think it would be welcomed, don't send it. Rather, ask yourself what you might say to the person that would help them feel heard and understood.
Sometimes a good start is to say, "I'm wondering if you're feeling frustrated (scared, angry, sad), and if there's anything you'd like from me to make it easier to deal with." Connect with what you think they're feeling and wanting.
4. They take a short detour
Sometimes taking on something new can be unsettling. Recently, I did a similar nonviolent communication-based program for 6 hours on both Saturday and Sunday. I had solicited and received suggestions and support to make those 12 hours beneficial to attendees.
I noticed I was distracted by less important tasks when I thought of 12 hours! So I allowed my attention to go to those distractions for perhaps 15 minutes at a time. The method is comparable to reassuring a hungry child, "Here's an apple. We'll eat in 15 minutes."
With the small amount of time offered to your own or another's needs, you are more able to get back to your higher priority. It's much more satisfying to take on a challenge when you know there's leeway for those short detours.
5. They amuse themselves
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For those of us who are curious about many things, one thing that soothes me when I'm overextended or hyper is to browse for blogs on a particular subject or read humor sites. I think it's important to have breaks that either amuse, stimulate, or settle me down.
You might prevent those hyper times by adding 10-minute breaks each hour you're at your desk or on a project. When I hear the bell or timer, it feels as good as when recess was called as a child. Take all the time you need to understand what kind of breaks are soothing, motivating, or enlivening for you.
Be sure there are no "shoulds" operating when you notice you are overextended. Ask yourself, "What do I want now?" Let the answer come to you in its own time. You will come back refreshed for the task at hand.
6. They pretend to be on vacation
There's nothing wrong with pretending you're on a vacation. On days when you're stymied, an hour or two of free time and a different perspective can make a huge difference. Some ideas are: walk, bus, or drive to a coffee shop, park, trail, a new grocery store, or even a drugstore.
You could use the "vacation" to do an evening stroll at a neighborhood art walk. You might go to a local gym and try a new class. Try writing "When I'm on vacation, I..." and see where that leads you, literally and figuratively. I guess there would be far fewer regrets as we grow older if people were gentler and more accommodating with themselves.
7. They prioritize doing what makes them happy
Finally, remind yourself that variety is the spice of life. Make a long list of at least 20 activities you enjoy. This list could include reading, dancing, baking, gardening, festivals, hot tubs, walking, tennis, swimming, volunteering, eating out, and many other things.
Don't wait for stress to build up so that you need a solution. Be proactive and build in enjoyable activities, so that calmness and peacefulness are an everyday part of your life.
Morah Vestan is a life coach, communication trainer, and author. She has an M.A. in Adult Education and was a relationship columnist for 16 years for Seattle's Active Singles Life.
