Exceptional Grandparents Do 7 Unspoken Things Their Grandkids Only Appreciate When They're Grown
Weston | Shutterstock While grandparents contribute to the well-being of their grandkids in many ways to support their grandkids’ well-being, their most powerful skills are emotional. The best grandparents make their grandkids feel safe and loved in ways they often don't appreciate until they're grown, showing up as an emotional safety net for life.
Things exceptional grandparents do that their grandkids only appreciate once they’re grown:
1. They fully support their own kids
Amnaj Khetsamtip | Shutterstock.com
The best grandparents show up when their kids need them, even if it's inconvenient. They support their career goals and their personal goals, and help with the grandkids whenever possible. They don't undermine their kids' parenting or rules, even when the grandkids beg, because they want to be a consistent support for their kids and grandkids alike.
It’s the kind of support that grandkids often don’t realize is there early in life, but can’t help but notice and appreciate in adulthood when they get closer to their parents or start families of their own. Of course, being a grandparent can also improve their own cognitive well-being and health, but it’s this partnership and supportive family dynamic that everyone truly benefits from.
2. They pass on family traditions
Regular rituals and family routines give kids a sense of belonging and reinforce their identities. However, even annual gatherings and the kinds of traditions that grandkids overlook as typical in childhood can leave lasting impressions on kids for life.
Grandparents often take on the role of passing family traditions them down and keeping them going, creating big events that become like tentpole events that kids remember for life, special events to look forward to (and back on) that bring them joy.
As adults, when their grandparents are gone, or they don’t spend a ton of time with their families on a daily basis, these traditions are what they still have around to appreciate.
3. They make an effort to learn
Learning a new modern skill to support their grandkids or putting in the effort to understand the kinds of hobbies they enjoy is so well worth the effort. Sometimes it's as simple as downloading a fun drawing or learning app on your tablet to play with them when they're small or sharing your Wordle score daily with them. These little things show grandkids that they're loved for who they are.
Not everyone, especially older generations with tons of wisdom and life experiences, is open to learning new things, but the best grandparents make an effort to make their families and grandkids feel seen and valued.
4. They only talk positively about their grandchildren's parents
This seems like it should be easy, doesn't it? After all, the parents in question are their own children! However, sometimes in-law relationships can be more challenging. This goes double (maybe triple!) if their grandchild's parents are divorced or if they're co-parenting with someone who is more challenging to like.
But exceptional grandparents hold back and don't criticize their grandkids' parents or badmouth them, ever. Think your ex son-in-law is a deadbeat? Keep it to yourself. Think your daughter-in-law is too controlling? You can feel that way, but don't let your grandkids hear you say it.
Why? Well, kids consider themselves half of each of their parents, and they naturally love and adore them, even when they're imperfect. It hurts them to hear someone they love bad-mouthed.
When Grandma or Grandpa talks badly, the child may feel a need to pick a side, defend one against the other or just stay silent. Instead, grandparents can become a safety net for kids when they feel they cannot talk to their parents about a problem.
When a grandchild is upset because Dad broke a promise, instead of joining in and complaining about that son-in-law, wonderful grandparents may say something like, "That sounds like it was really hurtful to you, I'm so sorry that happened" or "I can imagine that would be disappointing, is that how you felt? These statements show empathy but don't take a side. This makes grandparents a safe place to talk and find support.
5. They cultivate safe spaces
Many kids with strong relationships with their grandparents felt safe around them, no matter what. Yes, they had boundaries and were disciplined, but at the end of the day, they knew their grandparents or their grandparents’ homes were a safe space for them.
As kids, they may not have the words to describe this kind of safety, but in adulthood, when they’re starting their own families or reminiscing on their childhoods, it’s clear that these people were pillars in their lives. Whether they were parented by them or not, exceptional grandparents make it clear that they’re always welcome and will always be unconditionally loved, no matter the circumstances.
6. They pass down stories
On top of cultivating a sense of belonging and shared identity, storytelling in families helps everyone to make sense of the present moment. While kids might’ve just been enthralled by their grandparents’ lives and their humanity revealed in old stories, in adulthood, they can appreciate how these moments secured their own sense of community.
Anyone can tell stories, but when we hear them from a grandparent, it gives meaning to both our relationship and our personal identity within a family unit. We appreciate it more with age, especially when these stories and memories are what we have left to appreciate our grandparents with.
7. They advocate for their grandkids
PeopleImages | Shutterstock.com
Whether it’s with our own parents at home or out in the world, the best grandparents are strong advocates. Even if they’re not speaking on behalf of their grandkids, they empower them to stick up for themselves and to honor their best interests.
Good grandparents might step in to support their grandkids, but exceptional ones equip them with the personal and emotional tools to do it themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
