Kids Whose Parents Have Zero Impulse Control Often Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Keeping your emotions in check isn't always easy. Life is stressful, and even the most patient parent can sometimes lose their temper or act irrationally. However, there's a difference between occasionally losing your cool and having impulse control issues that affect your kids.
Growing up in an unpredictable environment is developmentally stifling. It can significantly change who they are and can cause them to learn unhealthy coping mechanisms. Over time, these habits follow them into adulthood and may show up as these habits.
Kids whose parents have zero impulse control often carry these habits into adulthood:
1. They check their bank account every day
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Growing up around explosive parents would put anyone on edge. One minute they were happy, the next minute they were going on an angry shopping spree. Especially when it comes to finances, children who grew up with unpredictable parents often become adults who compulsively worry about money and spend way too much time in their banking app.
They know it isn't healthy, but their anxiety won't let them be. Even if they're wealthy, they're often afraid of living how their parents did. As psychotherapist Joyce Marter, LCPC, explained, "Financial trauma may stem from experiences like poverty, job loss, bankruptcy, childhood instability, or systemic marginalization."
That's why these adults are obsessed with their bank account. Not because they're diligent with their finances, but because of their childhood.
2. They never buy anything new
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Children whose parents often behaved impulsively were often made to tiptoe around their parents' feelings. As adults, they're often older and more reserved, and they may struggle with the habit of never buying anything new. They may also resist any sort of change in their homes, too.
This is partially because they crave stability, but it's also because they've always catered to others since they were kids. Constantly putting their parents' needs first, they don't know how to do anything for themselves, at least not without feeling super guilty. If it isn't benefiting others, they can't bring themselves to swipe their card.
3. They become hyper-independent
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Everyone needs a solid support system. Yes, even the wisest and most successful people need someone to lean on occasionally. But while others need a helping hand, children who grew up with chaotic parents are built differently. Rather than reaching out for help, they become hyper-independent.
Whenever they're struggling, they never rip the band-aid and ask their friends or family for help. Because they were treated like adults from a young age, they've become used to handling everything on their own. That's why they suffer in silence, their childhoods affect their identity and resilience.
4. They overthink small decisions
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People who grew up with explosive parents were terrified of stepping out of line. From a young age, everything they did was likely to be used against them or over-analyzed. Even their minor mistakes were blown way out of proportion.
Now, as an adult, one habit they can't let go of is overthinking small decisions. They want to throw caution to the wind and live freely. But deep down inside, they're deathly terrified of hurting others. Scared of the criticism, they get in their head and overthink. That's why it's important to seek help. It isn't a quirky trait, but it is a sign of unresolved trauma or anxiety.
5. They have a backup plan for their backup plan
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There's nothing wrong with having a backup plan. As much as we might want to go with the flow, real life demands a little caution and a lot of planning. That said, being cautious doesn't mean we have to always plan for the worst. It's okay to leave some things up to chance.
Unfortunately, children who grew up with impulsive parents didn't have that luxury. They were forced to have an answer for everything. Now adults, they have a habit of having not just a plan B but also a plan C, D, and E.
They know It sometimes borders on unhealthy, but their need to control overwhelms them. And, in reality, they like it that way. If it makes them feel a little more secure, is it really that bad?
6. They apologize constantly, even when they're not at fault
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Over-apologizing isn't a sign of politeness. As American psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D. writes, "Reflexive apologizing is rarely about the other person at all. It’s a bid for safety, a way of managing anxiety about being seen as difficult, needy, or too much."
This is probably why kids who grew up with chaotic parents apologize way too much. They know it isn't their fault, but they can't help it.
Even if it isn't genuine, they still do it anyway because it just feels natural. Being raised by impulsive parents means having to apologize for their own parents' wild behavior and they're just used to it.
7. They avoid taking risks
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People whose parents had zero impulse control often become the exact opposite: they avoid risks of all types and shun any twinge of impulsiveness that pops up.
Often, they know it isn't healthy. As the old saying goes, "You miss 100% of the chances you don't take." But they disagree. They take chances, they're just extremely measured. It makes them feel safe.
To an extent, their childhood is to blame. According to psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW, "Many survivors [of unstable childhoods] end up struggling with feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy due to experiencing constant criticism or emotional neglect."
But just because their parents weren't the greatest doesn't mean they can't change. With professional help, they can take back their life one step at a time.
8. They finish tasks immediately and never procrastinate
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The worst thing about anxiety is that you feel like everything is doomed. That last-minute plan got scheduled into your calendar? You feel like the world is ending. Someone asked you to do an extra assignment? You're out for the count. These things can be challenging for lots of people, but for those who had impulsive and unpredictable parents, it feels ten times worse.
That's why adults raised by chaotic parents finish tasks immediately. They're also almost never late and rarely forget to write appointments on their schedule.
These are actually fantastic habits, even if they are a gift from an uncomfortable past. But perfectionism and anxiety can dangerous combination, so it's important to not let these things get out of control.
This combination doesn't just create a storm in your head, it starts to color all your everyday habits. That's why it's important to find ways to manage it. Otherwise, little habits like these eight can slowly take over your life.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
