Kids Raised By Emotionally Explosive Parents Carry 8 Unconscious Habits Into Adulthood
Irina WS | Shutterstock Emotional support is a major aspect of growing up. Parents who model positive emotions at home often raise children who regulate their emotions. This sets them up for success in adulthood.
Unfortunately, not everyone is raised in an environment like this. Some people struggle with their emotions and lash out at others as a result. This can bleed into their family life, even if they have no intention of hurting their children. As people raised in this situation grow up, they often develop habits they may not realize they developed as coping mechanisms from the emotional trauma of their childhoods.
Unconscious habits kids raised by emotionally dysregulated parents carry with them as they grow up:
1. They can sense when the attitude in the room is changing
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Growing up with emotionally volatile parents can change how people see the world around them. Often, they were always on edge, waiting for someone to get angry with them. As children, they were hypervigilant, hoping they could calm them down before a big explosion happened.
As adults, they constantly read the room. They are waiting for the worst-case scenario to unfold. Hypervigilance can become a coping mechanism for those who never had emotional stability in childhood.
2. They try to please everyone
If their parents were upset, some children would do anything possible to calm them down. They knew how things could escalate and were fearful it would become a seriously scary moment. People-pleasing became their way to create calm. Into adulthood, they often feel like it’s the only thing they can do to keep the people around them happy.
People-pleasing is a symptom of childhood trauma. It’s driven by the need to make everyone around them happy because they never knew when their parents would explode next. Keeping others content can feel like the only way to prevent problems.
3. They shut down during conflict
A study found that people who endured childhood trauma can struggle with social anxiety as they grow up. This can be because they were never comfortable at home or around their parents. Now, it’s hard for them to form close bonds, and it can be especially difficult when conflict occurs.
They were likely raised around frequent conflict. Their parents were always on edge, and anything could set them off. When arguments or extreme punishments unfolded, they may have found it easier to shut down and remain quiet. The same can happen in adulthood. Whether it’s social anxiety that conflict will occur that keeps them from connecting with people, or doing anything they can do to avoid an argument, they may not realize these behaviors are directly linked to what they endured in childhood.
4. They never ask for help
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It’s hard for most people to ask for help. It takes vulnerability to admit things aren’t going well and you could use a hand. Even for people who weren't raised by emotionally explosive parents, their pride may hold them back from seeking support. This can be especially difficult for those who did endure this trauma because they never felt like they had support at home.
This type of person can become hyper-independent. They believe they can rely on themselves. Likely, their parents were too caught up in their own problems to be there for them, causing them to bottle up their emotions and do anything they can to avoid seeking help from others.
5. They are always waiting for bad news
When someone is always on high alert, they may find a calm environment stressful. They grew up around parents who could snap at any moment, and when their life seems relatively conflict-free, they may find themselves looking over their shoulder. They catastrophize, wondering when the next big blow-up will occur. Whether it’s a fight with a significant other or the end of a friendship, they are guarded and always waiting for bad news.
When things seem to be going well, they often feel like something will ruin that feeling. They feel like something bad is around the corner, which makes it hard to feel comfortable in their everyday lives.
6. They constantly over-explain themselves
Emotionally volatile parents are not easy to be around. Sometimes, something that wasn’t an issue before can lead to a serious punishment if you catch them at the wrong time. Discipline could come out of nowhere. Kids raised in that environment overexplained their thought process in the hopes they could avoid problems.
They may have thought that if they had a good reason for their actions, their parents would have been easier on them. However, when everything can become explosive, it doesn't always work. That doesn’t stop them from still trying to make people understand them when they’re worried a conflict will follow.
7. They always ask if people are mad at them
I can be guilty of having this habit. I worry the people I love are upset with me, even when they’re not. I know it can feel embarrassing, especially when they assure me they aren’t mad, but it’s something my brain defaults to doing. Sometimes, this habit can develop because of childhood trauma. The experience of being raised by emotionally unstable parents can leave lasting impacts on their children’s confidence.
It was likely that this type of parent was easily set off. Whether it was because of work stress or a tantruming kid, they could flip on a dime. Suddenly, they were mad at their children, and the kids had no idea why. This can leave them feeling unsure in relationships, constantly wondering if they did something to upset the people they love.
8. They apologize even if they did nothing wrong
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Keeping the peace in a household with explosive parents was never easy. Conflict could occur at any second. Children in this situation constantly apologized to keep the people around them happy. They always felt like they were doing something wrong and would instantly apologize to prevent an outburst. Into adulthood, this habit stuck.
When any little thing happens now, they apologize, even for things that weren’t their fault. It’s a sign of deeply rooted issues. They may lack confidence and self-esteem, or they want to prevent conflict; constantly saying how sorry they are can feel like the easiest way to smooth things over.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
