You Can Tell Someone Has Actual Self-Respect By 9 Phrases They Say In Casual Conversation
Anfisa Che | Shutterstock People with actual self-respect aren't afraid to show it in the way they speak.
It's easy to mistake humility for putting yourself down, but constant negative self-talk often sends the message that you don't value yourself as much as you should. People with self-respect wear it like a badge and believe their feelings and needs matter. They speak honestly and give themselves the same consideration they offer the people around them. You can often hear that self-respect in the phrases they use during conversations.
You can tell when someone has self-respect by these 9 phrases:
1. 'I'm proud of myself'
Learning to respect yourself can take time, which is why putting yourself down may feel much easier. In difficult moments, we're quick to focus on our mistakes and overlook all our smaller successes. The best way to start treating yourself with kindness is by taking baby steps and reciting positive affirmations, acknowledging the good work you've done even when things go astray.
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According to research published in the American Psychologist, self-affirmation exercises may offer modest benefits for well-being and encourage a more positive view of ourselves. Data from 129 studies were pulled to compare results, with studies being conducted globally, all of which had a common denominator of including a self-affirmation exercise during research. Across the studies, self-affirmation exercises were associated with small but promising benefits, including improvements in self-image.
The more you repeat this positive self-talk, the more you'll begin to take it in and believe it. Individuals who have a good sense of self-respect still have moments of insecurity, but they're willing to show themselves grace and set a mental reminder that growth is not linear. The idea of practicing positive self-talk until it feels more natural may hold some truth.
2. 'I'm not comfortable with that'
If you're a people pleaser, you've likely sacrificed your own comfort in order to make the rest of the group happy. But setting boundaries doesn't have to put a damper on the fun. Boundaries are a key element in the difference between conformity and true self-respect.
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You may not know how to set boundaries because you haven't discovered your triggers. To identify triggers, mentally flag the things that make you uncomfortable, either personally or interpersonally, for future reference. These situations may cause a strong emotional reaction or discomfort, sometimes because they touch on a fear or painful past experience. People who recognize what makes them uncomfortable are more likely to respect themselves by communicating how they feel.
When these boundaries are clearly set, it can actually reduce the number of triggers and anxiety you have. When somebody crosses a line either verbally or physically, those with a good sense of self-respect will let them know and stay firm. This allows for stronger relationships with yourself and your loved ones.
3. 'I'm still working on it'
We can all benefit from a growth mindset, and self-respecting people are great at living by this. While a growth mindset typically accounts for your learning abilities, it can be applied to self-growth as well. A growth mindset is a way of thinking that recognizes a starting point and, instead of believing it will stay that way forever, acknowledges that we can learn and adjust. This is a very human way of thinking that allows room for error and uses mistakes as feedback.
When talking about your wrongdoings or progress, using growth mindset language can help you set goals and establish an end target. Fixed mindset language revolves around phrases like 'I can't' or 'I'll never be able to', whereas the positive counterpart emphasizes words like 'yet', 'still', and 'I'm working on...'.
If you're constantly striving for perfection, you'll always be under the impression that you're not good enough. Self-respecting people are cognizant that they make mistakes, too, and are just as forgiving to themselves as they are to others.
4. 'I want this'
You've heard about the importance of communicating your needs, but it's also important to speak up about the things you desire. They may not be necessary, but they contribute to your happiness, and that's what makes it crucial.
People with self-respect value their own happiness just as much as they value everyone else's. Instead of viewing this as selfish, they know it's important to achieve a balanced life; you can't pour from an empty cup, so try to sustain your well-being by treating yourself and allowing others to do the same.
To communicate your wants, use direct and honest language that won't get lost in translation. Using 'I' statements instead of finding a roundabout way to get what you want will result in more opportunities and satisfaction in life. When your heart is pulling you in a certain direction, trust your gut and advocate for yourself just as much as you'd advocate for the needs of your loved ones.
5. 'What you said hurt me'
Those who value themselves don't take disrespect from anybody. When somebody is being rude, whether it be a stranger or a friend, they'll communicate how they feel. Respecting yourself also means making sure the people around you carry out that same level of respect. Instead of letting a degrading joke slide, they'll address it head-on so that the person knows they've crossed a line.
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Expecting basic respect from other people isn’t the same as seeking their validation. "Respect is crucial for interpersonal relations as it improves self-worth and facilitates understanding. Respect from other people confirms [one's] worth and enhances good self-views," says Sean O'Neill, the clinical director at Maple Moon Recovery.
When others bring you down, it can be hard to maintain that sense of self-respect. When someone violates your boundaries, you may start blaming yourself or questioning whether your feelings are valid. Expressing that you didn't like someone's negative, directed behavior communicates that you're someone who should be taken seriously, and that your feelings and opinions are just as important as theirs.
6. 'I'd rather not talk about that'
Individuals with a lot of self-respect have learned this lesson: you don't have to share personal details, even if it's with the people in your inner circle. It's easy to feel like your friends or family need to know everything going on in your life, especially if they have a tendency to share these details with you. Just because someone else is opening up about struggles or drama happening in their everyday life does not mean that they deserve to know what's happening in yours.
While sharing may be a good way to communicate understanding or give advice, you don't need to step outside of your comfort zone just to form a healthy relationship. When a friend or relative presses you for details, politely ending the discussion can help you feel more in control of what you share.
Remember that you get to decide which conversations you're willing to have. Choosing what you discuss with your loved ones can help you keep a mindful balance between honest communication and positive talk.
7. 'I need some space right now'
Among the verbal boundaries self-respecting people set, they also create physical ones. When self-respecting people feel overwhelmed by a relationship or situation and need time to think, they advocate for themselves.
According to Charlotte Fritz, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at Portland State University, taking a step back when stressed is a great way to look out for your mental health. "Taking regular breaks helps us to be more resilient when stressors arise, and they function as an intervention to help us deal with the daily grind," she explains.
Instead of viewing breaks as a bad thing, self-respecting people know that it's crucial to give themselves time to recharge. It's hard to put effort into things when your energy is low; self-respecting people prioritize time alone just as much as time spent socializing.
8. 'My worth isn't based on how I look'
This is another belief self-respecting people express both in conversation and in the way they talk to themselves. It may sound like they're trying to convince themselves, but they actually do believe it. People with self-respect have separated their inner dialogue from their outer shell. Instead of feeling inferior when they notice something they don't like about their appearance, they try to view it without judgment and move on.
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You don't necessarily have to love all the parts of your body. It's unrealistic to love the features that once made you insecure. However, you can avoid the negative talk about your appearance and simply acknowledge that your body isn't going to look like everyone else's.
Self-respecting people have come to terms with this, and they're entirely okay with it. These individuals don't feel the need to compare their appearance with their friends' appearances or a celebrity's; they respect themselves no matter how they look, whether their outfit, hair, or makeup is cute or not.
9. 'I'm actually not okay'
The same individuals who are great at recognizing their emotions when they feel them are also the ones who respect themselves the most. Addressing feelings can be a form of self-respect. Admitting that something is wrong and that you need help is a way of taking care of your mind and showing respect through self-care.
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Being vulnerable can deepen your connections with the people around you and put you on the path to a happier life. Self-respecting people find themselves in times of depression, too, but they don't let this spiral go on forever. They show respect to themselves by taking action and addressing the problem before it can get out of hand.
When they’re ready to open up, they may choose a private setting where they feel safe speaking honestly about what they’re going through. Setting aside a time to discuss with a loved one helps you and your loved one prepare mentally. Respect may take the form of advocacy, self-help, and honesty.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her focus is lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationships.
