You Can Usually Tell Someone's Extremely Emotionally Intelligent By 8 Phrases They Say To People They Actually Care About
bodnar.photo | Shutterstock We often categorize our friends for fun, whether it's the mom friend or the peacemaker, and even the therapist. While this may be a joke amongst a group of friends, they didn't earn their titles for nothing.
When someone knows how to regulate their emotions, it's because they're extremely emotionally intelligent. They're not afraid of recognizing how they feel and staying in control of the way they express themselves. And while their mannerisms may give them away, so do the phrases they say around people they hold dear.
When someone uses these phrases with people they actually care about, they're extremely emotionally intelligent
1. 'Do you want advice, or do you just need to vent?'
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When we're feeling down, we sometimes just want a space to complain. Advice is helpful, but it can be difficult to receive it when we're spiraling and can't get a grip on how we're feeling. An emotionally intelligent person is likely able to recognize when a person is overwhelmed and will ask what they need, rather than assuming.
It's not healthy to always vent, as it can make people more upset, but having a person to lean on can help lower your cortisol levels and give you a sense of calm. Emotionally intelligent people won't spew out advice unless you ask for it, because they know that the best way to use any advice is by being ready for it.
2. 'Tell me more'
Emotionally intelligent people want to get to the root of the problem without pushing you too much. They'll say "tell me more" when they recognize a small detail that may lead to a bigger issue. They also notice when people aren't dealing with their emotions.
The perception of emotions is linked directly to how we present the way we feel through our body language, particularly on our face with our eyes and mouth, as well as eyebrows and nose. While bottling up your emotions has become normalized, emotionally intelligent people are breaking this pattern by addressing uncomfortable topics to guide you to the next step of acceptance.
3. 'It's okay to feel that way'
Admitting that you're not okay can be hard. You don't want to feel like other people will judge you. But highly emotionally intelligent individuals don't judge, choosing instead to validate. Rather than saying, "You're taking things way too seriously" or encouraging them to let it go, they offer space to grieve.
Friends who don't do well with others' emotions may try to cheer you up with distractions. And while it may work for some people, it's better to feel your emotions and understand that it's fine to not be happy all the time.
4. 'Thank you for telling me'
Emotionally intelligent people understand that not everyone is fully comfortable with sharing how they're feeling. When someone is vulnerable, a high-IQ person wants to recognize how hard it was to say that. By saying "thank you for telling me," the other person may realize that they're making good progress.
One of the first steps to working out a problem is naming your emotions, but some people don't ever get that far. So, someone rewarding you for the little wins indicates how much they are about your feelings.
5. 'That makes sense'
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Emotions can leave us in a state of confusion or have us saying "I feel crazy for feeling this way." But emotionally intelligent people won't ever make you feel guilty for experiencing normal emotions, good or bad.
Having the ability and willingness to handle other people's emotions with no ulterior motive comes from a place of deep understanding and care. Maybe they've never been through this situation themselves, and are able to comprehend it because of their empathy. They want to make people feel normal for having emotions.
6. 'Let's focus on what we can control'
If you're an anxious person, having an emotionally intelligent person in your circle is extremely helpful. They can talk you out of a spiral by breaking down the problem and tasking you with small things to work though.
By focusing on what you're able to control, it gives you a sense of order and allows you to release a huge weight off your shoulders. Letting yourself experience doubt is actually a good thing, too. Sitting with uncomfortable feelings can make us more comfortable with them in the future.
7. 'I was wrong'
You can almost always tell someone is extremely emotionally intelligent when they admit they messed up or made a mistake. They aren't always going to get it right, but they're also learning and growing.
Rather than getting frustrated at you for being upset, they'll admit they were wrong, and take steps to improve in the future. They're also able to take criticism humbly, rather than deflecting.
Having this type of person in your life leaves you feeling more satisfied in your relationships, creating one less thing you have to worry about. A good friend or loved one will want to minimize the amount of stress you're experiencing by doing everything they can to help.
8. 'This is tough, but we'll get through it'
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Maybe the situation has nothing to do with them, and you just chose to open up. But dealing with something by yourself is overwhelming, so knowing you have someone in your corner motivates you to grow.
Supporting someone going through a tough time means helping them with the little things, while they work on the bigger things. It may not seem like much, but bringing over a cooked meal so they remember to eat or texting them to check in keep them feeling supported.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her work focuses on lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationship topics.
