People Who Need Constant Attention Usually Say 10 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Artem Zatsepilin / Shutterstock Speaking with a person who needs constant attention from you can be absolutely maddening. You're having a conversation with your friend, for example, when you realize the focus keeps coming back to them. When you finally do get a word in, it has little to do with what you were just talking about and everything to do with something that is entirely specific to them.
Attention-seekers are always looking for something from other people. They crave the spotlight and loads of compliments. They don't usually do something as obvious as shout, "Ooh, ooh, look at me!" to cue that they want your attention. The words they choose tend to be much more subtle. In fact, you may even be guilty of saying some of these things to get other people's attention without even realizing it.
If someone needs constant attention from others, they'll frequently use these phrases in their casual conversations with you
1. "I'm fine"
Many of us are probably guilty of saying this when we just don't want to talk about something, but we're really not fine at all. It's often meant to clue another person into the fact that we're having a bad day, but we'd rather not unpack it just yet.
For people who crave attention, though, it's a passive-aggressive sign that they want to be doted on. Rather than the person on the other end trying to lift their spirits by moving past the negative, they'd prefer that the other person beg to know what is actually going on.
This becomes even more of a moment when they repeatedly insist just how fine they are, only to finally reveal what's irking them when their friend stops asking.
2. "You wouldn't get it"
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One of the ways attention-seekers elevate themselves to seem more interesting or cool is by putting others down. Particularly in a group setting, they'll embarrass an innocent friend just for the sake of getting some laughs. They not only need to be in the spotlight, but they also need to be better than anyone who may compete with them for it.
People who need constant attention always want to be the leader of the cool club. By saying this, they're wrongfully assuming that the other person isn't smart enough to understand them. They may also mention inside jokes in front of a third party, leaving the third party feeling left out.
3. "I look terrible today"
There are two possibilities when someone says this. They may be really insecure about their looks and need a way to vent, or they may want validation to confirm they look great.
Attention-seekers fall into the latter category. They know that they're rocking their new shirt or that their hair is falling just so. But they also want you to recognize it and compliment them. This is an attempt to boost their ego that can become a vicious cycle of seeking validation and receiving it even when they don't need it, particularly when they say it to someone they know will always tell them how beautiful they are.
4. "Does this make me look fat?"
This goes hand in hand with seeking validation for looks. The person probably knows how great they look, but they need others to tell them so in order to feel good about themselves.
We often seek our friends' or loved ones' opinions because what they have to say is important to us. Those little moments help us make up our minds on uncertain decisions, or confirm what we may already know. In the eyes of an attention-seeker, however, it's a necessity. They crave people fawning over them, and the best way to get it is to put themselves down.
5. "I probably shouldn't say this, but..."
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Attention-seekers live for the drama. They want to feel like they're in on a secret, and it makes them excited to be the one with power over it.
Typically, those who need all of the focus to be on them are especially susceptible to gossip, even at the hands of others. They're not afraid to say something offensive that will get a rise out of people.
Not all attention is necessarily good. Sometimes attention-seekers are okay with being the bad guy if it means all eyes are on them.
6. "Back to my point"
People who constantly need to be in the spotlight don't like to share the stage. In conversation, they struggle to hand the baton so someone else can share. When the other speaker's story is over, they feel the need to take over immediately.
Attention-seekers may lack social cues that would typically allow us to converse in a more back-and-forth manner, or some may just lack empathy. They seem to think that it's all about them, or that the other person isn't interesting enough to lead the conversation. Simply put, they're not practicing active listening that gives the speaker space to be understood.
7. "I'm just so busy"
Whether it's true or not, people who seek attention want their lives to seem glamorous. In this society, the busier you are, the more you're seen as an adult or as part of the upper echelon.
This goes along with saying, "I'm fine." Those who need attention want you to ask about them, and by saying phrases that naturally pique your interest, they're able to redirect the conversation.
This phrase is also often said when it's not warranted as a response. These days, most of us are busy with something, so there's nothing particularly special about it anyway.
8. "No one cares about me"
When someone says this, they don't really mean it deep down. Even if it comes from a place of insecurity, what they really want to hear is a laundry list of names and reasons why they're cared for.
This may be said during a conversation that isn't going their way, or when someone else is receiving all of the attention. Those who need attention want to make their peers feel bad for focusing on someone else. These mind games are an attempt to reprogram their friends' brains so that they always prioritize the attention-seeker over someone who may need extra support.
9. "I'm so bad at this"
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People who crave attention are often called show-offs. The thing about show-offs is that they have to be good at everything and will become easily discouraged when they don't pick up on something right away.
Since even casual conversations are basically competitions for them, the activities that you engage in with them become competitions as well. They need to be the best at everything they do so that they can receive the praise that goes along with winning.
When they put themselves down, they really do feel frustrated. They need to feel validated in all aspects, and it's hard to earn that validation when you aren't good at something. Putting you in a position where you'll feel guilty if you don't respond by denying their negative statements is an effective way for them to make themselves feel better again.
10. "That reminds me of my story"
It's normal to want to relate a story you're excited about when you're speaking to a loved one. Sharing stories that connect you with others can be a great way to build empathy and deepen bonds.
However, people who constantly need to be in the spotlight will push others aside in order to put themselves there. If they see that someone else's story is getting positive feedback from a group rather than theirs, they'll feel the need to step in and steal the kudos back for themselves.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her focus is on lifestyle, wellness, human-interest, and relationships.
