11 Things Parents Wish Their Adult Children Knew They Do That Seriously Hurt Their Feelings
Karola G from Pexels via Canva Our parents might not be perfect, but they likely did all they could to make sure we felt loved as children. The things they did when we were young impacted us. We might forget that now that we’re older, our behavior takes a toll on them as well.
Once we become adults ourselves, we can get caught up in our own everyday lives. We may find that we’re not spending time with our parents. Some adult children may dodge their parents' calls or forget to update them on their everyday lives. Even if these things are not intentional, it still hurts their feelings. Some parents may not want to make a big deal about these things and let things go when they genuinely upset them. Likely, they wish their children knew how much their behavior hurt their feelings.
These are 11 things parents wish their adult children knew they do that seriously hurt their feelings
1. Ignoring their calls
Halfpoint via Canva
We’ve all been there. Our phone rings, and we are hopeful it is someone we’re excited to hear from. Maybe you hope it's someone you’re dating, or the boss at a company you recently interviewed for a position at. Instead, it’s one of our parents. They may have called the day before, too.
Sometimes, it can be annoying to answer the phone, especially when you are busy or are waiting for another call. You’re just looking for some independence, but to them, this behavior is deeply hurtful. They’ve probably been thinking about you all day. They want to talk to you and see how you are doing.
When you ignore them, it breaks their heart a little, and they wish you knew how much this behavior hurts. They may feel they have to nag to get their adult children to call them. Otherwise, they may feel lonely.
2. Leaving them out of plans
Becoming an adult can change our priorities. When we were younger, our parents were often at the center of our universe. We rely on them for everything, so they are always kept in the loop with our lives. Often, because we needed them to give us a ride somewhere. As we get older, we may create our own families. The hustle and bustle of marriage and children can cause us to forget to keep our parents involved.
This deeply hurts them. They want nothing more than to be included, especially when grandchildren are involved. Whether you forgot or didn't want to invite them, leaving your parents out of your plans on a regular basis can deeply hurt their feelings.
3. Speaking to them in a snippy tone
I’ll be honest, I’ve snapped at my parents before. Sometimes, it’s hard to find patience for them. I always feel bad after this happens and wish I had used a kinder tone, but getting caught up in the moment can make tensions high. I know it hurts their feelings, but I may not realize the extent of it.
Parents want to be treated with respect. That doesn’t change when their children get older. Using a sharp tone with your parents can make them feel like they don’t matter to you, which is understandably deeply hurtful.
4. Making them feel you no longer need them
It’s not always easy for parents to let go of their children as they get older. Although they understand that their children are adults and have lives of their own, it’s still not easy to accept. Feeling needed goes a long way.
It may seem forced or like you are somewhat less of an adult if you still need your parents' help, but asking them to take care of you in some small way from time to time can actually mean a lot.
5. Canceling plans with them
fizkes from Getty Images via Canva
It can be hard to spend enough time with our parents. Life is busy, and we can get caught up in work, our social lives, and our own families. Sometimes we overbook ourselves, or we don’t have the energy to keep our plans. When this happens to our parents, it hurts them more than it would a friend. They likely look forward to all of your visits, and when you cancel, it can affect their entire day.
While it’s important to keep boundaries with your parents, they shouldn’t be canceled often. To them, spending time with their adult children and their family is likely their favorite thing to do. It hurts more than you know, and they wish you knew the full extent of how hurt their feelings get when you cancel plans.
6. Not putting any effort into maintaining a relationship with them
It’s no secret that our parents sacrificed everything for us. Many parents went without so their children could have more. Understandably, they may want that type of effort reciprocated in adulthood. When they feel like they are not getting enough of your time and attention, it’s painful to them. They want you to know that all it takes is a little quality time to make them feel like mutual effort is being made. When they feel like you’re not there for them, it might leave a lasting impact on their mental health.
Of course, there can be an unhealthy balance here. Parents and children alike shouldn’t guilt one another into spending time together. In most situations, they just want their children to know how hard it is when they don’t see or talk to them often, especially when they put in a lot of effort.
7. Not understanding how much they understand you
How many times have you thought to yourself, ‘My parents just wouldn’t understand.’ If you’re being honest, it likely came up more than once. When we are growing up, it can be hard to think that our parents know what we’re going through. Sometimes, it can be hard to escape that feeling. Even as adults, we may find ourselves assuming our parents would never understand what we’re going through. The reality is different.
Likely, parents want to be there for their adult children. When their child struggles to drop their guard around them, it can be difficult for them. It hurts their feelings to be assumed they wouldn’t understand, or wouldn’t care. While you may be protecting yourself or uncomfortable talking to your parents, they likely want you to know how much this hurts your feelings.
8. Not being involved in your big life moments
aquaArts Studio from Getty Images Signature via Canva
As we get older, we may appreciate making our own decisions without talking them through with our parents first. Growing up, we had to run everything by them. They were involved in everything from what we wore to where we went. When we get that first taste of independence, it can feel good. What we don’t realize is that we are hurting them with our need for space.
Your parents probably don’t want to make decisions for you. They just want to be involved. By leaving them out of your dating life or your career opportunities, they often feel like they don’t matter to you anymore. They wish you knew how this hurts their feelings.
9. Making them feel unimportant
Most parents understand that their adult children have lives of their own. However, that doesn’t mean that moments where they feel unimportant don’t hurt. Most of us have gone longer periods of time than we’d like without contacting our parents. Even if it isn’t intentional, and we are just genuinely busy, it still hurts them. They want you to know how feeling like they aren’t a key figure in their life hurts their feelings.
While making your parents feel important shouldn’t be a burden, it’s something you should put effort into where you can. To them, you are the most important person in the world. It hurts them greatly when you don’t make them feel like a priority, and they want you to know that it affects them.
10. Distancing yourself from them.
I don’t know about you, but I do not do well with change. When I first moved out of my parents' house, it was a big adjustment. While I enjoyed my freedom, I missed my typical routine. For adult parents, I imagine this is how they feel. They’re likely proud of their children for the strides they've made to become independent. However, it doesn’t make it easier for them to accept that their children don’t need them the way they used to.
Sometimes, parents want to feel like their adult children still rely on them. When it seems like the relationship has changed too much and there is no snapping back, they can be deeply saddened. It can change the meaning of their lives, and they wish you knew how much it actually hurts their feelings.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
