People Who Dread Phone Calls From Their Parents Usually Have These 11 Reasons
They never feel seen and heard, even over the phone.
Boryana Manzurova | Shutterstock Parent-child relationships are some of the longest bonds we share in life, which is why it’s not surprising that many adult children still struggle with tension in their family dynamics — the relationship is ever-changing. Like a study from Psychology and Aging suggests, these tensions are often unique to people and manifest differently between families, but they do have the power to influence each person’s life quality, happiness, health, and depressive symptoms.
Even in the small moments, like getting a text or phone call from a parent, these tensions can arise. In fact, people who dread phone calls from their parents usually have these reasons. They may feel disconnected, struggling with unresolved childhood trauma, or feeling unseen amid the chaos of adult lives by the people who once knew them best.
People who dread phone calls from their parents usually have these 11 reasons
1. They often receive unsolicited advice
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A 2020 study found that unsolicited advice offered from parents to their adult children is often seen as unwarranted and intrusive, amplifying disconnection and tensions already present in their relationships. Sometimes, when an adult child calls their parents, they just want to vent and feel emotionally supported, without having someone trying to “fix” what they’re feeling.
Of course, this advice doesn’t usually come from a malicious place, but from parents who want to help but aren’t sure how to. People who dread phone calls from their parents may simply have this reason — there’s a constant misunderstanding on the phone of what someone needs and what they’re getting in response.
2. They feel forced to ‘perform’
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Adult children who feel forced to be something they’re not and “perform” for their parents to be accepted often dread unexpected phone calls from them. They feel like they have to shift into an inauthentic version of themselves just to receive the kind of love, affection, or attention that they’re yearning for.
Of course, feeling accepted by parents as children is fundamental to our adult identity and, in some cases, can really alter the way we form relationships with others. According to a study shared by the University of Connecticut, feeling accepted by parents growing up can actually be a predictor of a willingness to forgive others — an unexpected link that reveals the power of feeling loved and heard.
However, it’s just as important for adult children to feel this kind of acceptance from their parents later in life, which is why it’s not surprising that those who don’t dread phone calls and interactions with family members.
3. They’re hiding something
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If they’re hiding a new job or relationship from their parents, an adult child may feel a sense of anxiety or unease every time they get a phone call from them. Whether it’s rooted in feeling unaccepted in their authentic identity or being pressured into making life choices that align with their parents’ values, rather than their own, people who dread phone calls from their parents may simply be hiding their lifestyles and choices.
Even if they don’t agree with their kids’ choices, the key to a healthy relationship is mutual respect, like pre-licensed psychologist Stacey R. Pinatelli argues. They have to be able to operate on shared feelings of understanding, respect, and support for one another, even if they don’t align on everything; otherwise, there’s a sense of disconnect constantly undermining their relationship.
4. They end phone calls feeling worse
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Whether it’s a lack of fundamental respect, a feeling of being unaccepted, or emotional manipulation disguised as care, people who dread phone calls from their parents do so because they’re left feeling worse.
Talking to their parents doesn’t bring them a sense of security, joy, or support, but instead adds more anxiety and irritability to their everyday lives. It’s no wonder they prefer not to answer when they call.
5. They’re always guilt-tripped into visiting
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Like a study from Aging & Mental Health found, phone calls are often a coping mechanism for older adults and parents to grapple with loneliness. They catch up with friends, connect with people on social media, and even call their adult kids to deal with the isolation they experience in their everyday lives.
So, it’s not surprising that when lonely parents call their kids, it sometimes comes with an element of guilt — phrases like “Why don’t you ever come see us?” or “You must be too busy for your parents.” While a parent’s guilt trips might pay off in the short-term, their kids come to visit or pick up the phone, in the long-term, they only end up causing more disconnection.
6. They always feel judged
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A parent's perception of their adult child’s success, whether in relationships, money, or in their careers, is often associated with how healthy and forgiving their relationship is as a whole, according to a 2013 study. Especially if their life choices as adults don’t directly align with the ones their parents desired for them at a young age, a perceived lack of “success” can often prompt resentment and unnecessary judgment.
People who dread phone calls with their parents may feel judged because of their choices or the current position of their lives. Even if they’re personally happy, the judgment of their parents may spark self-doubt and urge them to consider living in accordance with a lifestyle that doesn’t add value to their personal lives.
7. They never get to talk about themselves
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Parents who only ever call their kids when they need something or want attention often leave them feeling unheard and unappreciated after every single interaction.
Of course, growing up with a parent who has narcissistic tendencies like self-centeredness isn’t just a foundation for childhood trauma — it tends to affect adult children in their own lives later on. From sparking self-doubt that crafts insecurity to sabotaging their ability to form healthy relationships, having a parent who only talks and cares about themselves can suck the energy out of a family dynamic.
That’s why many adult children dread phone calls with these kinds of parents. They’re never asked “How are you doing?” or “What’s going on in your life?” because they’re expected to be fully engrossed in what their parent is doing.
8. Their parents don’t respect their boundaries
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Mutual respect is the foundation of any relationship, especially the ones we craft with our parents as adults. Even if they were our caretakers growing up, they don’t have the power to control our lives today — and certainly don’t have the power to overstep our boundaries and make decisions for us.
People who dread phone calls from their parents often fear having their boundaries overstepped. Even if it’s taken them a lot of strength to set and communicate them in the first place, being faced with guilt or shame for upholding them in the hands of their parents can be a struggle in itself.
9. They need time to mentally prepare for interactions
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If they regularly don’t feel heard or understood by their parents, adult children probably need a lot of time to mentally and emotionally prepare for interactions together. They need time to boost their own confidence and set their internal boundaries, so when they are on the call together, they’re regulated enough to stand up for themselves.
That’s why many people dread unexpected phone calls from their parents — they don’t have any time to prepare and are often thrown into a conversation that completely derails their whole day, if they’re not careful.
10. Their parents are chronically negative
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According to a study from the Journal of Consumer Research, negativity is often a contagious feeling — spread by people who live their lives under the veil of pessimism and judgment. If a person’s parents are always harping about what’s “wrong” in their lives, blame-shifting toward their kids, and focusing on what’s “missing,” chances are that negativity can quickly spread to the people around them.
People who dread phone calls with their parents may have these reasons. They’re tired of being emotionally dragged down by their parents, who complain all the time without accepting help or changing anything.
11. They never feel like ‘enough’
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If they’ve spent their whole lives begging their parents for attention and craving a kind of unconditional love that their family overlooks, chances are adult children will dread any kind of interaction with them now. Especially if they’ve found a grounded sense of peace in their own lives and relationships without their parents, getting an unexpected phone call can often throw them out of alignment.
Never feeling like “enough” isn’t just about not being accepted or heard — it’s about always feeling a pressure to shapeshift and meet their parents’ needs without getting anything in return.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
