11 Subtle Differences Between Men Who Want Real Relationships And Those Who Don’t
Halay Alex / Shutterstock Dating isn’t easy. It can be hard to tell someone’s true intentions at first. It can be difficult not to be convinced by someone’s ulterior motives. How can you tell the difference between men who want a real relationship and those who don’t? The way they approach certain subjects can tell you all that you need to know.
How does he show up for you? Is it consistent, or is he wishy-washy? Does he plan for the future with you, or does it feel more temporary? You may be convinced that someone who isn’t ready for a relationship may change their mind, but that isn’t always the case. Instead, focus on finding a guy who checks all the right boxes for a real relationship.
These are 11 subtle differences between men who want real relationships and those who don’t
1. Consistency
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The way men who want a real relationship view consistency will be completely different than someone who doesn’t. If you’re dating someone and you can rely on them, they likely want a real relationship. This type of person will be in touch with you during the day and often makes plans with you. They likely value spending time with you and do everything they can to be there for you.
When someone isn’t interested in a real relationship, you’ll notice they are wishy-washy. They’ll text you often one day, and ghost you the next. They might pop in and out of your life. This is a sign that they are looking for fun, not commitment.
2. Conversation depth
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We’ve all had those awful surface-level conversations. It feels like you can’t get to know the person you’re talking to. Without depth, we struggle to form connections. If a man keeps everything surface-level, it’s likely he doesn’t want a real relationship. He may not make much of an effort to get to know you.
On the other hand, someone who is willing to engage in deep, meaningful conversations is likely ready for a real relationship. Having meaningful conversations is important for commitment. Someone who wants to get to know you deeply may be the one to pursue a relationship with.
3. Future plans
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Looking ahead strengthens your relationship. By planning for the future, you have something to look forward to. A man who is excited to spend time with you will likely keep you included in his plans. This is the type of person who wants a committed relationship. Whether it’s as simple as asking you what’s for dinner or as serious as planning a move with you, someone who sees a future with you will include you in their plans.
If you can’t get a guy to lock down plans with you for tomorrow, you likely can’t rely on him to keep you in mind moving forward. Someone like this is not looking for a real relationship. They may see you as a temporary fling.
4. Effort
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It takes effort to have a strong relationship with someone. If a man isn’t willing to put in the effort, it’s clear he isn’t ready for a real relationship. This doesn’t mean he needs to do extravagant gestures. Sometimes, all it takes is consistent texts and quality time spent together. If a man isn’t willing to put in even the bare minimum to keep you happy, it may be a sign that he isn’t serious about a relationship.
Effort in a romantic relationship goes a long way. It can show how much someone cares about you. A man who is willing to do anything he can to make you happy is more invested in the relationship than someone who is not.
5. Inclusion
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If a man is serious about you, he wants to include you in his everyday life. He’ll likely introduce you to his friends and family. He may also invite you to work events or social gatherings. You’ll likely know most things about his life and feel included on every level. Men who are not interested in a real relationship may come off as mysterious. You can’t seem to figure out what goes on in their lives.
A man who isn’t interested in anything serious may keep you at a distance. Instead of including you in his social life, he’ll likely choose not to introduce you to the people in his life. If you’ve ever been in a relationship where a man refused to introduce you to his parents, you know that’s a serious red flag.
6. Accountability
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We need our partners to take accountability. The truth is, we are all going to hurt each other at some point. It’s part of life. Things get lost in translation, and arguments break out. How a man chooses to approach these moments shows whether or not they are interested in a real relationship. A man who can take accountability and apologize shows he cares, while someone who refuses to acknowledge his bad behavior is telling you he isn’t worth your time.
"When a person wrongs another, the trust between them is compromised," says Darius Cikanavicius. "Depending on the relationship and the severity of the wrongdoing(s), it is sometimes possible for the perpetrator to make restitution with the aggrieved party, sometimes it can only be achieved partially, and sometimes it is impossible to restore any substantial level of trust."
7. Intentions
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We’ve all been in relationships with people who didn’t have our best interests at heart. It can be frustrating when they let us down often. Men who have no desire to be in a real relationship may try to hide their true intentions. Instead of actually being a supportive and kind partner, they’ll play it off as if they are, though their true actions prove otherwise. This is a red flag and a sign that a man doesn’t have pure intentions behind his relationship with you.
A man with good intentions shows it from the start. You feel comfortable around him, and trust likely comes easily. This type of person wants a real relationship, and he will likely do what he can to make it happen. Behavior like this has a better impact.
8. Emotional availability
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An easy way to tell if someone wants to have a real relationship is how they show up emotionally. If a man is willing to open up and reveal parts of his soul to you, you may be able to trust that he is in it for the long haul. It’s not always easy for men to share their feelings, and if one is willing to open up, it’s a good sign. Although not all men make themselves emotionally available, those who try are interested in pursuing a long-term relationship.
A man who does his best to keep you from getting to know him on an emotional level is likely not ready for a real relationship. He may not want to let someone else in yet.
9. Patience
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Patience is a virtue. However, it seems difficult for many people to provide it. If a man is rushing you along, wanting you to do certain things you’re not ready for, he likely has bad intentions. It’s a subtle sign that may seem like a positive trait, when in reality, he’s acting selfishly to get what he wants. A man who is truly interested in pursuing a real relationship will show patience. He’ll want to move at whatever pace works best for you.
He will also show patience when working through disagreements. He’d like to approach moments of conflict calmly.
10. Compassion
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Compassionate men are special. They know how to show up for the people in their lives. Often, they’ll meet you with deep understanding. They want you to feel comfortable with them. A compassionate man is more likely to want a real relationship. He wants to provide love and support. Alternatively, a selfish, self-serving man isn’t looking to provide compassion to anyone but himself.
"Compassion allows you to acknowledge someone's struggles and respond with kindness, care, and support. It's empathy in action. Showing compassion to yourself and others can strengthen relationships, increase happiness, and lower stress," says Kendra Cherry, MSEd.
11. Security
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Men who are interested in a serious relationship approach emotional security differently from someone who is only in it for a good time. If a man makes you feel safe, it’s a sign that he cares deeply for you. If you feel comfortable being yourself and feel accepted by him in the process, he’s likely worth pursuing a relationship with. If someone makes you ashamed to be yourself, and you have to act differently around him, he is probably not interested in having a true relationship with you.
Security matters in a relationship. If someone makes you feel comfortable and you know you can rely on them, they’re likely in it for the long haul. However, someone who comes in and out of your life and expects you to behave a certain way shows their immaturity.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
