11 Behaviors People Think Make Them Look Confident But Actually Signal They’re Avoiding Something
Josep Suria / Shutterstock We all know someone who comes across as calm, cool, and collected at all times. It seems like nothing fazes them. They appear composed at all times.
However, if you look closely, there are signs that things may not be as solid as they seem. Certain behaviors can give away how they truly feel about things. They may think they make them look confident, but they may actually be avoiding their true feelings. Take a closer look at your friend you think is always collected, there might be something hiding under the surface.
These are 11 behaviors people think make them look confident but actually signal they’re avoiding something
1. They seem defensive
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Sometimes, you can tell someone is on edge. They may have a short fuse. Their snappy responses may seem like they are know-it-alls, but in reality, this behavior may show they are secretly avoiding something. Being defensive can be a coping mechanism. They may try to defend themselves or show off their confidence, but there can be more to the story.
When someone jumps to their own defense, it can appear confident. Almost like they know better than you and can’t believe you would criticize them. In reality, they may feel self-conscious about their intelligence or behavior, and feel they need to jump to their own defense.
2. They apologize often
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If someone apologizes often, they may think it makes them look confident. Almost as if they are so caring that they constantly feel empathetic towards others. In reality, constant apologies can be a sign that someone is less confident than they want to appear. They may not feel firm in their opinions or behaviors and use apologies as a buffer. It can also be that they feel like a burden, and want to apologize in advance for what they say.
If someone is constantly apologizing, they may be avoiding their true feelings. They have confidence issues that they may not be ready to face. I can be a way for them to avoid something.
3. They keep conversations surface-level
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Instead of having open, honest, and vulnerable conversations with people, someone who may be avoiding something may keep things surface-level. They may think it makes them look confident to keep themselves mysterious. There is an allure to people who don’t give away too much information about themselves. However, if they never allow themselves to be vulnerable with others, they may be hiding something.
Vulnerability allows us to form close bonds with others. When someone is closed off and keeps their conversations on the surface, they may be avoiding genuine connection. While they may think they look confident and mysterious, people may see through the facade.
4. They always want to appear busy
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Hustle culture has changed us as a society. We view people who are always busy as the most successful and confident people. They are always making moves, whether they be financial or social. They seem like they have it all figured out. In reality, they may be avoiding something. Keeping themselves busy can be a distraction from what is really going on in their heads.
We picture people who are always on the move as confident and happy. However, they may be struggling with something we can’t see. If you notice someone moving a mile a minute, they may be avoiding something. Whether it’s relationship struggles or inner turmoil, they can use their busy schedule to avoid thinking about them.
5. They avoid confrontation
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Avoiding confrontation may make you think someone is confident. They don’t feel the need to defend themselves. They’ll let the other person think they are right because they know who they are deep down inside. However, this may not always be a sign of confidence. It could be a behavior someone is using to avoid what they actually need to tackle. They may keep things civil because they are afraid of hurting others or being proved wrong.
"Some people avoid conflict at all costs — even when the conflict is necessary. These people can be described as conflict-avoidant. To avoid rocking the boat, conflict-avoidant people might bottle up their feelings and sidestep discussing important issues with others," says Sian Ferguson for Psych Central. "Conflict avoidance can damage your relationships and harm your mental health. This people-pleasing behavior can also make it difficult to set and maintain boundaries."
6. They brag often
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When someone is bragging, we may assume that they are confident. Clearly, they must think they are better than everyone else by the way they speak. However, it can be a sign that they are avoiding something. It could be that they are not as confident as they appear. They hide behind bragging to make them seem confident, when in reality, something more may be going on under the surface.
Confidence can be easy to fake. When someone wants to come across as proud of themselves, bragging can make it easy. In reality, they may be avoiding their true feelings about themselves.
7. They interrupt often
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Some people think they always have the best things to say. They’ll interrupt because they want to get their thoughts in quickly. It can be that they believe they know more than everyone else. It may look like confidence. However, it may be a sign they are avoiding something.
Interrupting can be more harmful in conversations than we may realize. They may use interruptions as distractions. They may think it makes them look confident, when it is likely a signal that they are avoiding something in their minds.
8. They appear passive
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Passive people tend to avoid conflict and conversations that may put them in hot water with others. Being passive can make it seem like they are confident in who they are. They don’t need to be the loudest voices in the room. They are comfortable enough in who they are. However, when someone is overly passive, they may be trying to avoid something. Maybe they want to avoid having a conversation that could hurt them.
Avoiding tough conversations is something we have all done at some point. Whether we do not want to hurt someone else’s feelings or make a serious change that puts our future into perspective, avoiding these conversations feels like the safer choice. Their passiveness may be a way for them to keep their life the same, rather than an expression of confidence.
9. They use complex words improperly
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Have you had a conversation with someone who kept using big words in the wrong context? They deliver these comments with confidence. They appear to think their vocabulary is impressive. Using these words, even if they are doing it improperly, may make them look confident. It’s almost like they think they know it all.
However, using these words can buffer what they are avoiding. They may try to hide that they feel inferior behind words like this. Unfortunately, this is often a failed attempt.
10. They are emotionally disconnected
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Some people are emotionally detached from others. It may make them appear too cool for everyone else. This behavior can give off confidence. However, it may be a sign that they are actively working to avoid something. It could be that they feel they are not good enough, or they are afraid to connect deeply with others.
"Emotional detachment is a complex issue. For some people, being emotionally detached is a coping mechanism — a strategy that is used to protect them from stress or getting hurt," says Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.
11. They avoid small talk
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When someone refuses small talk with you, it may look like they think they are better than you. They are so confident in themselves that they hold their conversations to a different standard. It can be hurtful when you want to start a conversation with someone, and they turn you down. You may think they are full of themselves, but this behavior can be a signal that they are actually avoiding something. They may not be as confident as they appear.
Some people are naturally introverted. While they may come across as rude for refusing small talk, they may actually feel self-conscious in conversations. It’s not that they think they are too good for you. They are just not as confident as they appear.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
