Women Who Do 11 Things When They Are Alone Are Almost Always Living In Survival Mode Instead Of Truly Being Happy
PerfectWave | Shutterstock Being alone can be quite peaceful, but for some women, it's a time that can actually bring more stress than anything else. Instead of actually being able to relax, women might notice themselves doing certain things when no one else is around, which could be a sign of survival mode. Being in survival mode isn't always about being unmotivated; it can also mean your mind and body are always on edge. Women who are constantly living in survival mode might have habits they think keep them safe, even when there's nothing to worry about. A lot of habits women have when they're alone are just their brains trying to cope with the constant stress they may feel.
It's a sign that their nervous system is working overtime. Having a dysregulated nervous system can end up affecting people in more ways than one, including impacting their decision-making skills and even increasing anxiety levels. When that happens, it can just be exhausting. Living in survival mode doesn't necessarily make you weak; it just means you've been through quite a lot, and your brain is just trying to protect you the best way it knows how. But those habits that might've kept you safe once upon a time might actually be doing the complete opposite now. In fact, it could be the reason why you feel quite drained.
Women who do these 11 things when they are alone are almost always living in survival mode instead of being truly happy:
1. She constantly scrolls social media to escape reality
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Women might spend hours scrolling on their different feeds, but they're not really looking to connect with anyone. In fact, she's actually using it as a way to distract herself from her own uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. This constant habit means she never has to sit alone for too long and actually process her emotions. It might be harmless at first. She's simply looking for a break from her stress. But that little break can quickly turn into a crutch.
"Social media use can also lead to increased feelings of loneliness and social anxiety. Prioritize active use on social media, set boundaries, and focus on in-person connections to avoid loneliness," said scientist Gary Goldfield, PhD., C. Psych.
That's also what social media is designed to do. It's designed to pull us in and keep us stuck in this endless loop. Before you know it, your brain starts to crave the feeling that comes with constantly being on social media. It gets to the point where you're mindlessly scrolling just to feel something different from the reality that you're actually experiencing. It becomes a form of avoidance that keeps women stuck in survival mode all of the time.
2. She over-plans everything
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Even the smallest of decisions can feel like some sort of crisis. So, she ends up creating these long and extensive lists and mapping out all of these various scenarios for every single possibility. At first, it might come across as just being organized, but in reality, it's her coping mechanism to feel safe in unpredictable moments. But, no matter how many lists or schedules women in this predicament create, there's always going to be something left that's uncertain.
"Of course, motivation has its place, and growth is something to celebrate. But I've come to realize that growth and improvement are not the only paths to happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes, the greatest joys can be found in simply being present, appreciating what we have, and accepting ourselves and our lives just as they are," insisted psychologist Julia Englund Strait, Ph.D.
As much as you may want to, you can't really plan out every single detail all of the time. When everything is constantly being planned, there's absolutely no room left to actually relax and enjoy your time. You're actually just hoping that you won't make a mistake or have to sit in the discomfort of the unknown. But the attempt to feel even more secure will just end up leaving you feeling way more tense.
3. She suppresses her emotions instead of expressing them
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Rather than actually acknowledging the strong emotions that they feel, women who are living in survival mode instead of just being happy tend to bury their feelings and avoid feelings of discomfort. To them, it feels so much safer to just bottle them up than actually confront them because of how much they fear vulnerability.
"When we try to suppress our emotions, not only do they not just go away; they can even grow stronger and fester in our bodies and minds. Ignoring emotion is, thus, like tuning out essential signals to and from our body and brain, obstructing your success and ability to take care of yourself and act wisely and intentionally," explained licensed therapist Jason N. Linder, Psy.D., LMFT.
But, constantly suppressing feelings can end up taking a real serious toll on both their mental and physical health. Emotions show up for a reason. We're supposed to let them pass through the body rather than putting a wall up. It doesn't mean the emotions go away. Instead, they fester and eventually boil over.
4. She binge-watches shows to avoid being alone with her thoughts
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A woman who is living in survival mode rather than being happy might turn to TV shows that can protect her against her own thoughts and feelings. For some women, it's less about wanting entertainment and more about looking for a way to escape. Rather than actually getting that alone time to recharge, relying on their favorite or comfort show becomes a shield against having to sit on their own.
"Self-reflection is an important exercise. It helps you locate and orient yourself. Practicing self-reflection on a daily basis can reduce anxiety and promote self and other awareness," said psychology expert J. Ibeh Agbanyim, Ph.D.
While the show might actually be captivating, their own thoughts and emotions are getting pushed to the backseat. Avoiding introspection might feel safe in the moment, but over time, you start to feel disconnected from yourself. Silence may be uncomfortable, but actually reflecting can reap so many benefits when you're actually able to sit in the uncomfortableness of quiet time.
5. She rehearses arguments that haven't happened
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It might feel productive in the moment, but actually preparing or rehearsing arguments before they've even happened is just putting yourself in defense mode when you don't need to be in it. A woman's mind often does this because she wants to stay in control. If she can anticipate what someone might say, she'll be able to craft the best response and avoid feeling embarrassed or caught off guard.
But, instead of actually being able to protect yourself, this habit just keeps you feeling tense. A lot of the time, the scenarios that we imagine in our heads don't actually end up happening in real life. You end up robbing yourself of just being able to stay present rather than worrying about what will happen in the future.
6. She obsesses over her physical flaws
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What might start off as just quick glances in the mirror can quickly turn into a full inspection. She'll start picking apart her appearance, and instead of being able to see her whole self, she'll zoom in on one tiny feature and let it define how she feels about herself.
Her brain immediately starts scanning for the first imperfection she can find and treats it as a problem that needs to be solved. But perfection doesn't exist, and a lot of the flaws that we harp on aren't even noticed by other people. Obsessing over your flaws can steal moments of actually feeling happy as well.
7. She avoids deep emotional conversations
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It might feel a lot easier for women to just stick to surface-level topics rather than actually delve deeper. For them, deep conversations require a level of honesty and vulnerability that they just don't feel safe enough to participate in. Their brain is terrified of being misunderstood or even judged when they decide to engage in deep moments with people.
So instead, they stick to unserious conversations that don't veer off into deep territory. But by avoiding deep conversations, women can never be truly happy. They won't be able to form actual connections and relationships with people because they're not peeling back the layers to actually get to know them.
8. She takes extra precautions with routine tasks
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It might be the women who are always double-checking the stove before they leave the house or triple-confirming an appointment they've just made. At first, it can just seem as if they're being responsible. But underneath it, it's actually their brain treating the smallest of tasks as a high-stakes situation.
The thing about being in survival mode is that it doesn't always show up in the most dramatic of ways. Sometimes it's just feeling this tension in your body from doing something as simple as locking the front door behind you. Your body just feels slightly on edge, as if making one mistake during this simple task can lead to something bigger.
9. She over-analyzes past mistakes
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Rather than actually getting closure and accepting the past mistakes you've made so you can move on, you're stuck just replaying them over and over in your mind. It usually means that you end up feeling heavier and more frustrated about the mistake, rather than feeling grateful because it means you won't make that mistake again.
"While critical thinking is a valuable skill, overthinking can lead to excessive stress, indecision, and a distorted perception of reality," said psychology expert Kevin Bennett, Ph.D.
Most of the time, you're not even gaining any new insight into the experience. You're just reliving the discomfort. Every time you're just replaying the past mistake, your nervous system is forced to be in that stress for longer than you need to be in it. We should take mistakes as something that might've needed to happen, but we don't need to hold onto them forever.
10. She avoids asking for help, even when she needs it
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It might be difficult for her to even think of asking for help, even when she feels quite overwhelmed. She might tell herself that she's independent and can handle it all herself. But it's just her trying to bury the fear of being seen as needy. For a lot of women, that habit may start early. As a young girl, she might've been conditioned that asking for help is usually met with being dismissed.
"Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. It takes strength to tell other people that you don’t have all of the answers, that you’re struggling with something, or that you need help. And the support you receive as a result of asking for help will often lead to your desired outcome, which surely makes you stronger," pointed out relationship expert Andy Lopata.
If that's the environment you're growing up in, your brain quickly learns that it's much better to struggle silently than risk feeling rejected. But carrying everything yourself is just exhausting. You end up feeling resentful towards the people in your life because they're not noticing you're struggling, but at the same time, you haven't vocalized that either.
11. She doesn't enjoy surprises
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When a woman is used to being in control all of the time, the thought of being in an unpredictable situation can feel anxiety-inducing. Even a small, harmless surprise, like your friends coming together to throw a surprise party for your birthday, can be the worst feeling.
Their brain immediately starts scanning for what could go wrong. Rather than feeling curious and even happy, they just end up feeling tense. Surprises just feel overwhelming. So, women who feel this way will avoid spontaneous invitations or new experiences where they don't know what the outcome will be.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
