People Who Replay Conversations In Their Head At Night Usually Have These 11 Traits
NakoPhotography / Shutterstock I am guilty of replaying every conversation for the day in my head before I go to sleep. I have an anxious mind. I always second-guess the way I handled certain conversations. Heck, I’ll probably overthink about how I wrote this article tonight.
If you’ve found yourself tossing and turning, unable to get conversations from the day out of your head, you’re not alone. It’s a common habit. We want to review everything that unfolded. Whether it’s positive or negative can impact our sleep quality. Unhelpful thoughts can take a toll on our mental health. They can keep us up at night. People who replay conversations in their heads before going to sleep, whether positive or negative, usually share similar traits.
People who replay conversations in their head at night usually have these 11 traits
1. They are reflective
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People who replay conversations in their head at night may be reflective. They are looking back on the day with an open mind. Sometimes, this reflection can be positive. They could be applauding how they handled a situation, or giving themselves credit for sharing their feelings with someone else. It’s not always a negative experience.
However, some reflective people are overthinkers. They may be dissecting every word they said, wondering how they could be so stupid. The truth is, people do not care as much as we think they do. While you may be tossing and turning, the person you spoke with likely hasn’t given it another thought.
2. They are self-aware
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Being self-aware is often viewed as a positive trait. People with this trait see the big picture. They are confident in who they are and what they want. When a self-aware person stays up replaying conversations, they may be reflecting on how they handled them. Did they explain themselves clearly? Did their point come across properly? They knew their intentions, but they’re wondering if they were said the way they wanted.
Self-awareness can be a negative trait in some situations. If someone is replaying conversations in their head, looking for every fault, they could be self-critical. They may be unhappy with what they said, or fear they upset the other person.
3. They are anxious
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If you struggle with anxious thoughts, you know how terrible they can be at night. Your mind feels like it’s moving a mile a minute. You are reflecting on every little thing you said. Before you know it, you are spiraling and have convinced yourself that everyone is mad at you. I know I have been there. If you are naturally anxious, reflecting on your day can be overwhelming.
If you deal with anxious thoughts, you may be reviewing conversations to help ease your anxiety the next time you find yourself in the situation. This is the concept of ruminating thoughts. It’s a tactic our brains use to self-soothe, making us feel prepared for the next situation.
4. They are perfectionists
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Perfectionists can be hard on themselves. They set unrealistic expectations for themselves and struggle when they do not achieve them. If a perfectionist stays up replaying conversations in their head, they may be critical of how they unfolded. Whether it was a project at work or a text exchange with a friend, if they feel they did not live up to their potential, they can be hard on themselves. It can damage their confidence.
Holding yourself to perfect standards sets you up for failure in many situations. We are imperfect beings. If someone is replaying conversations in their head to see whether they lived up to their high standards, they could end up feeling more overwhelmed.
5. They are empathetic
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Empathetic individuals may replay conversations in their heads to better understand the person they were talking with. They may even take on the emotions they were feeling themselves. People with high levels of empathy can put themselves in the other person’s shoes. They are compassionate and can become overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions. It can leave them tossing and turning at night.
This type of person may be worrying about the person. They might replay the conversation to further dissect it. Is this person okay? How can they help? These are some of the questions they may have when looking at the day’s conversations.
6. They are emotionally intelligent
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Emotional intelligence is one of the most important traits you can have. It allows you to be introspective. Instead of pretending you did nothing wrong, an emotionally intelligent person can reflect on their own behavior. They can admit when they are wrong. If they are replaying conversations at night, they may be looking at their responses. Could they have been better? Did they handle the situation correctly?
This type of person holds themselves accountable. They also check in with the people around them. If they are looking into the day’s conversations, they are possibly analyzing everything that happened.
7. They are imaginative
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Have you had a conversation where you wish you could go back and change how something happened? Maybe it’s a small way you feel you could take control of a situation. We have all been in this position at some point. If someone is imaginative, they may replay conversations in their heads. Possibly, it’s to practice a different scenario.
“Replaying conversations often gives us a semblance of control, as if analyzing them could change their outcome. This illusion helps alleviate feelings of unsuredness, particularly in unpredictable social situations,” says Mark Travers, Ph.D. "The more we dwell on these conversations, the more we convince ourselves that understanding them will grant us power over them. Yet, the reality remains: No matter how deeply we analyze, the past is unchangeable and resistant to our attempts at manipulation.”
8. They are conflict-averse
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I don’t know about you, but I am the type of person who reflects on what I would have said in a conversation had I not been afraid of conflict. Sometimes, you know you should hold your tongue, but you don’t actually want to. Before bed, you might picture that conversation. In replaying it, you might say what you intended to but kept yourself from saying.
If you were dealing with a conversational narcissist, you may not have been able to get a word in. You may have had a snappy comeback, but they filled the space. If this happens, you may reflect on the conversation and come up with new comments, or rethink what you did say. In person, you want to remain conflict-averse, but in your mind, you can rethink the scenario.
9. They are sensitive
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I am a naturally sensitive person. I can dwell on how conversations unfolded at night. It’s not easy to reflect on moments when I felt upset. However, my brain seems to have no trouble running through it as I am about to fall asleep. If you can relate, you may be naturally sensitive. It’s not easy to shut your mind off at night.
If you are sensitive, you are likely prone to taking things personally. Repeating conversations in your head at night may happen because you felt upset by something. By replaying the conversation, you may further dissect what the person said.
10. They need closure
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Has a conversation ever left you hanging? It’s like an episode of your favorite TV show that ends with a cliffhanger. How long will you have to wait to get answers? For some of us, this can be overwhelming. I am the type of person who needs to know where I stand with everyone in my life. If I had a conversation with someone that didn’t end clearly, I can find myself replaying it over and over again before going to sleep.
Some events in life do not come with closure. It can be frustrating and painful. If replaying a conversation to fill in the end helps, it’s something people who need to know where they stand with others may use as a coping mechanism.
11. They are creative
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Creative individuals have an energetic mind. When they think about conversations they had that day, they may imagine what would have happened if it turned out differently. They could fill in the gaps with their ideas. It could be a way for them to exercise their creative juices. This can stimulate their mind and possibly encourage more creative ventures.
A creative mind can be imaginative. They could be replaying the conversation as if it were a movie. Or, they’re using it as inspiration for something they are going to paint or write. We may not realize how much our conversations can inspire someone who is deeply creative.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
