The Art Of Getting Over Someone: 12 Cold-Turkey Habits Of People Who Choose Peace Over Closure
Here's how people who truly move on let go of the past and find peace.
Dean Drobot | Canva We've all experienced that moment when you realize a chapter in your life has closed, but you're still holding onto the book, hoping for a rewrite. Struggling with thoughts of an ex who isn’t around anymore can leave you thrilled they're gone, troubled about ending the obsession over them, and just plain bad about your breakup.
Letting go isn't just about accepting it's over. It's about actively choosing to move forward. Here's what most people get wrong: they wait for closure. These are the cold-turkey choices, you have to make. The ones where you stop hoping for a different ending and start building a different beginning.
Here are 12 cold-turkey habits of people who choose peace over closure:
1. Go no-contact
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
Getting over your ex can be an obsession. The best way to break most obsessions is to go no-contact. Don’t call, text, email, live chat, or communicate by carrier pigeon. Avoid them on all social media. Don’t telegraph them subliminal messages with your profile updates. Better yet, delete them from all of your networks so you don’t see their newest status updates and get thrown into a funk.
No contact means zero interaction. This includes no texts, calls, social media engagement, or contact through third parties. Any slip-up can restart the cycle of emotional entanglement.
2. Stop stalking them online
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock
Tell your friends who are still connected on social media with your ex that you don’t want to hear about anything your ex does or says online. A 2012 study found that 'social media surveillance' was associated with greater distress, negative feelings, desire and longing for an ex, as well as lower personal growth. This suggests that 'out of sight, out of mind' can be a powerful healing tool.
3. Learn something new or renew a hobby
Kinga / Shutterstock
This is an excellent time to pick a new hobby or start something up again that you haven’t done in a while. What have you always wanted to try but never had time for? Have you been neglecting your hiking boots, guitar, or commitment to narrative poetry? Dust off your old hobbies and master classical guitar. Do whatever you need to do to stay distracted.
4. Get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex
SeventyFour / Shutterstock
If you can’t bear to throw these items in the trash yet, box them up and put them deep in a dark closet or give them to a trusted friend.
Removing reminders is a form of prioritizing yourself and creating the necessary space for healing and growth. Research suggests that it allows you to build new neural pathways by introducing new experiences and focusing on the present and future.
5. Call all of your friends
ShotPrime Studio / Shutterstock
Renew your friendships with your best friends. Once you get the breakup story out of the way, shut up about your ex and enjoy your friends’ company. Don’t forget to ask about their lives, also.
You don’t want to be the friend whose calls get ignored because she always prattles on and on about her ex. Your friends who love you will listen to a significant amount of complaining about how devastated you are, but this leads us to the next tip.
6. Don’t say their name
PeopleImages / Shutterstock
Make your ex’s name forbidden. After the first three weeks of a bad breakup, stop talking about your ex. Tell your close friends you don’t want to talk about your ex or hear about them at all. If they’re good friends, this shouldn’t be a problem.
After a breakup, you go through a period of grief and loss, one study found. Repeatedly using the name can reinforce the ghost of that person in your life and mind, making it harder to establish a new identity separate from the relationship.
7. Take yourself out on a date
Pavle Bugarski / Shutterstock
You’re going to have to adjust to single life again. Sometimes, a single life involves doing things alone. Take yourself to dinner and a movie. Go to a place you love with a good book, and you pick the movie for once. Focus on feeling nurtured and positive rather than scared and lonely. Focus on the self-nurture aspect of spending some time and money on yourself.
"Dating yourself" is recognized as a powerful self-care and healing mechanism that is often practiced by those moving on from relationships without a clear ending. This practice is not to seek a replacement for a lost partner but to provide the internal validation that closure failed to offer.
8. Take a spa day
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
Zone out and get a massage or a facial. While this can get pricey if you do it all the time, sometimes there is no better way to soothe emotional wounds than to improve your exterior. If you can’t afford a trip to the spa, make your bathroom into an oasis and take a long bath with candles and a good book.
A study on spa therapy efficacy explained that engaging in an intentional act of self-care reminds you that you are worthy of care and attention. This prioritizes your own well-being and fosters self-compassion, both of which are crucial for healing.
9. Join a gym
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
This is a great time to get in shape. Have a few lingering New Year's resolutions you've never really met? There’s no better time than the present to start working on yourself.
Joining a gym after a breakup is beneficial because it provides an outlet for stress, improves mental health through endorphin release, and builds self-confidence and a sense of control. According to one study, the gym environment can also help decrease feelings of loneliness by providing social connections and a shared sense of purpose.
10. Turn on a comedy
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock
Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine. Humor is a powerful coping mechanism for stress, and turning to comedy provides a simple, direct way to alleviate pain after a breakup. A 2024 study explained that finding the ability to laugh, even in a difficult time, is a sign of resilience and can promote a more positive long-term outlook.
11. Do not 'accidentally' run into your ex
kitzcorner / Shutterstock
There’s no one better acquainted with your ex's daily routine than you are. Avoid places they hang out, avoid places on their daily route, avoid, avoid, avoid anywhere you might see them. Even months later, it will still feel uncomfortable to see him. Similar to going cold turkey, but very important.
After a breakup, especially if the decision wasn't mutual, a person can feel powerless. By choosing to ignore an ex and focus on their own life, they reclaim control over their own healing process and life narrative.
12. Dip your toe into the dating pool
Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
You may not feel ready to date anyone new seriously, and this is okay. Remember, there are other people, and some of them are wonderful. If you don’t trust yourself to come home from a date and miss your ex-boyfriend even more, leave the toe-dipping alone until you’re ready. You know who you are and what stage you’re in.
The bottom line is that getting over a breakup is a two-step forward, one-step backward process. One day, you feel wonderful and ready to move on. The next day, you wake up with that ball of ice in your stomach and feel like you couldn’t possibly miss your ex more than you already do.
Let this emotional process be okay. The more you do the things on this list and stay positive about yourself, the easier it will be to get over your ex.
Elizabeth Stone is a love coach and the founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self. Her work has been featured in Zoosk, PopSugar, The Good Men Project, Bustle, Ravishly, SheKnows, Mind’s Journal, and more.
