Women Usually Stop Respecting The Men They Love When These 11 Specific Behaviors Become Normal
BearFotos | Shutterstock Despite being a necessary part of any type of healthy relationship, respect is relatively elusive in practice, at least according to psychology professor Berit Brogaard. The behaviors and actions that feed into mutual respect revolve around expressing dignity to a partner, whether that’s through specific language, emotional support, or general appreciation and gratitude.
It’s different for every couple, but the things that encourage people to lose respect are relatively clear. Women usually stop respecting the men they love when specific behaviors become normal. From being avoidant to expecting constant praise, it’s clear that respect is often more important than romantic love.
Women usually stop respecting the men they love when these 11 specific behaviors become normal
1. They run from hard conversations
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While running from discomfort and avoiding hard conversations may offer a fleeting sense of comfort for people who believe personal mistakes are weaknesses, in the long run, this type of avoidant behavior in relationships only amplifies tension and stress, much like a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology explains.
Respect is built through trust, and if a woman can’t trust her partner to support her and show up to have hard conversations, their relationship will quickly turn sour.
2. They blame-shift when they feel called out
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Men who lack self-assuredness and healthy coping skills often get immediately defensive when they feel called out. Even if it’s just in the face of a partner expressing her feelings, if it centers on where he needs to grow, he’s not afraid to manipulate the narrative and shift the blame.
According to a Stanford University study, blame-shifting behaviors are also contagious. So, the more time you spend around a man or partner who refuses to take accountability, the more avoidant or defensive you may become when an issue arises. That’s why women usually stop respecting men they love when these specific behaviors become normal, because now their insecurity is putting their personal well-being at risk.
3. They refuse to own up to mistakes
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While blame-shifting behaviors are often associated with defensiveness, men may also refuse to take accountability by avoiding arguments and trying to justify their behaviors. Partners offer respect to each other, even in situations where they may not agree or be on the same page, by emotionally supporting each other. From active listening to offering an apology for unintentional harm, respectful partners put their ego aside for the sake of connection.
However, these men care more about their own comfort and self-image than about compromising or apologizing. They’re working on their own team, trying to “win” and protect themselves, before working together on the same team with a partner to resolve an issue.
4. They invalidate and dismiss her feelings
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As a study from Psychological Reports explains, feeling emotionally invalidated consistently in a relationship is not only associated with lowered relationship satisfaction but also with more psychological distress. When we don’t feel seen or appreciated by our partners, it can chip away at our self-esteem and mental health, especially when there are links between our self-worth and our relationships.
From gaslighting phrases like “you’re so dramatic” to making his partner feel “crazy” simply for expressing how she feels, disrespectful men always make their partners and relationships feel like a complete inconvenience.
5. They make jokes at her expense
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While humor can often help to de-escalate tension and emotional reactivity in conflicts, passive-aggressiveness disguised as a joke can seriously chip away at trust and respect in a romantic relationship. Trust is built through honest communication, not jokes that are actually just an escape mechanism for men to avoid accountability for their cruelty.
That’s why women usually stop respecting the men they love when these specific behaviors become normal. They don’t feel seen or heard by their partners, but they also don’t feel respected.
6. They lose interest once there’s a label
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According to psychologist Diana Kirschner, the reasons why some men fear commitment are nuanced, but they often revolve around a fear of being controlled. After being socialized into believing that their strength and “masculinity” rely on superiority over women and a sense of control in relationships, of course being “tied down” feels like a personal attack.
However, men who adopt this misguided, gendered belief often disrespect their female partners in a number of consequential ways. From treating relationships like a convenience to growing disengaged once there’s a label, and even benefitting from all the joys of having a partner without putting in any effort themselves, women usually stop respecting the men they love when these behaviors become normalized.
These men like the chase, but they don’t like the “work” of maintaining a healthy relationship, and that only negatively affects the women in their lives.
7. They make her feel like a parent
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Considering women already often hold the majority of responsibility in their relationships with men for invisible and emotional labor, it’s not surprising that women who feel like “parents” to their male partners end up losing respect for them. They’re not being respected as an equal or supported in the same ways they’re offering to their partners, so, of course, they’re exhausted.
Whether it’s having to follow up constantly on things she’s asked him to do, feeling pressured to beg for the bare minimum, or taking on emotional labor like regulating his emotions, she’s not interested in being a “parent” when all she wants is a partner.
8. They weaponize their ignorance
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Especially when it comes to personal boundaries in a relationship, men who weaponize their ignorance play “dumb” to avoid taking accountability. They actively disrespect their partners by showing up late, calling them names, and making them feel like an inconvenience, only to turn around and pretend like they didn’t do it on purpose.
Even if it wasn’t a conscious decision to be manipulative, adult men have the brain power to understand when they’re hurting someone. They have the power to set their ego aside and apologize for making their partners feel bad about themselves or the relationship.
So, it’s no surprise that women usually stop respecting the men they love when these behaviors become normalized, especially when they’re consistent patterns.
9. They assume she’ll clean up their messes
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From leaving literal messes in their shared spaces to ignoring obligations he’s taken on in the relationship, women lose respect for men when they assume she’ll “handle” anything he doesn’t want to do. His convenience and comfort always come first, even when it’s his own partner’s happiness and well-being that’s on the line.
Even when he simply refuses to take care of himself, the negative outcomes and experiences that come from that aren’t his responsibility, at least in his mind, but something for his partner to deal with on her own.
10. They stop expressing an interest in her life
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From ignoring her pleas for healthy conversations at home to lacking a general sense of curiosity about the things and people she loves, women usually stop respecting the men they love when they stop caring. Even in long-term committed relationships, it’s this kind of disengagement that experts coin “the point of no return.”
Without effort from both sides of a relationship, someone is going to be left feeling unseen and unimportant, and in these cases, it’s the women.
11. They invalidate her excitement and achievement
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Jealous men, who hold more insecurity in their relationships than respect, are prone to invalidating their partner’s achievements and excitement. They care more about feeling important than offering positivity and praise to a partner after they’ve achieved something.
While jealousy is often tied to insecure attachments, like a man who’s afraid of abandonment or being left by a partner he loves, this kind of envy is related to personal issues with self-esteem. Without regulatory skills or the emotional intelligence he needs to cope, he perceives his partner’s success through the lens of his own inequity.
Women usually stop respecting the men they love when these specific behaviors become normalized, because a relationship where you have to hide joy isn’t a healthy one to be in.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
