Single Women Today Have These 11 Standards That Would Make People In The 90s Roll Their Eyes
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock While there's no denying that singlehood is still stigmatized in our modern world, especially for women, the reality is that romantic partners are no longer a "necessity." Like social scientist Bella DePaulo suggests, it's more "doable" today to be a single woman — with technology, convenience, growing equality, and access, women don't need to rely on a partner, physically or emotionally.
White traditional people often paint a narrative about single women as desperate and unhappy, a study from Social Psychological and Personality Science found that these individuals are often happier and healthier in their lives. There's a reason why single women live longer than their married counterparts. Single women today have certain standards that would make people in the 90s roll their eyes, but they have the power and access to be "picky."
Single women today have these 11 standards that would make people in the 90s roll their eyes
1. They refuse to 'parent' a partner
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There's a reason why many women today are embracing the single life — they have the kind of autonomy and space to protect their inner peace in ways that previous generations of women were forced to tie to marriages and relationships. It's a cultural shift that's empowering women to choose, whether that choice is to be in a relationship or not.
They don't have to "fix" someone to be a good partner or "parent" someone through bad habits. They can choose to be single. While many people in the 90s, when marriage was an indisputable fact of a woman's life, may roll their eyes, it's the choice that offers women much more personal, authentic lives.
2. They prefer to wait for the 'right' person
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According to a Morgan Stanley study, experts predict that nearly 50% of women will be single by 2030. Despite modern technology and access to things like dating apps and "endless" choices, many women prefer to wait for the "right" person rather than settle for someone simply because they're available.
Many women in the 90s were expected to get married no matter what. It wasn't a question of "if," but a question of "when?" Today, women can choose to prioritize other things. Even if they eventually do want to be in a marriage, they have the space to wait.
3. Shared values are nonnegotiable
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While research today, such as a study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, acknowledges that shared values are an important pillar of happy, healthy relationships, many women in past generations have been pressured into marrying people who don't necessarily align with their personal beliefs.
Whether it's politics or personal beliefs, modern women today have the choice to wait for someone who truly shares their values and meshes well with their personal lifestyles. They don't have to tolerate arguments about basic beliefs or compromises for a lifestyle that doesn't meet their needs — they can instead choose singlehood.
4. Therapy is a 'green flag'
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While stigma around mental health is still present in nuanced ways in our broader culture, just a few decades ago, it was the main reason why people struggling with things like depression remained isolated without any kind of support or resources to heal. Whether mental health problems were caused by poor relationships or a lack of knowledge around caring for personal well-being, many people felt stuck, tolerating the symptoms of their struggles.
However, in today's world, where therapy is now framed as an act of self-care that lots of people indulge in, rather than simply a treatment of any one struggle, it's not surprising that this influences the standards single women have today that would make people in the 90s roll their eyes.
Not only are these women intentional about boosting emotional intelligence through therapy themselves, but they often expect that their partners will be open to therapy. They don't perceive mental health support as a "bad thing," but as a "red flag," especially for men who have been socialized to suppress complex emotions and run from vulnerability.
5. They need balance in gender roles
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Many modern women today, who are not only working but often earning more than their husbands, are exhausted by household labor expectations in their relationships. Even if they're careful about feminist principles and living their lives through those values, many women still find themselves picking up traditionally "feminine roles" at home — from household labor to childcare.
That's why they're often rigid about new relationships and gender roles, when they have the power to choose. Especially considering they're working, and society supports their career and personal dreams, it's important for them to find a partner that's willing to balance it all.
6. They prioritize respect
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While disrespect was often something women were socialized to accept and tolerate in their relationships, as a result of misguided gender norms pressuring women to be "quiet" and "agreeable," women today have standards in relationships that entirely prioritize respect.
Mutual respect with their partners is the foundation of their healthy relationships — not just with romantic partners, but with everyone in their lives. Many single women today have unlearned unhealthy, traditional norms and instead step into a more empowered version of themselves that has too much self-assuredness to let another person disrespect them.
7. They seek emotional safety over lust
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While the "excitement" and "chemistry" of a relationship are often romanticized for women in culture and media, even today, the truth is that any healthy relationship has a foundation of emotional safety at its core. According to relationship expert Sheva Rajaee, even seemingly harmless things like "butterflies" around someone could actually be a symptom of anxiety, rather than connection.
Single women today have standards around their relationships, like expecting emotional safety, that would make people in the 90s roll their eyes. Of course, attraction and chemistry are important, but lust won't cultivate the kind of healthy relationship that many modern women are looking for today.
8. They need financial responsibility and security
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While some modern women today are still embracing gender norms in relationships, like expecting their male partners to be a financial "provider," many modern women today expect some level of financial independence.
Whether it's making their own money, managing finances, making financial decisions, or waiting for their own career to blossom before getting married, money is no longer a shameful, stigmatized concept for women to intentionally craft boundaries and standards around.
Especially considering women's happiness in a relationship often grows with financial independence, it's no surprise that modern women have standards around money in their marriages that might make the average person from the 90s roll their eyes.
9. They need alone time
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Despite being largely stigmatized and unfairly criticized in past generations, alone time is an essential part of well-being, even for people in long-term relationships. Even if it seems counterintuitive, embracing solitude and alone time is how we combat loneliness — it offers space for us to get to know ourselves, craft our personal values and routines, and even boost self-esteem.
Single women today have these standards that would make people in the 90s roll their eyes, but it ensures that they don't lose their personal identity for the sake of keeping a partner around. They refuse to change themselves for a partner — recognizing that the right person will celebrate them in taking alone time and caring for their own needs.
10. They want the choice to become a parent
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For many young women today, "childlessness" is on the rise, at least according to U.S. Census data. Whether it's tied up in personal beliefs, a new sense of independence, or financial barriers, more women than ever are not only choosing to remain single, but also to go childfree. Some long-term relationships even thrive in the dual-income lifestyle without children, popularly coined the "DINK" lifestyle.
Single women today have these standards around choice and children that would make people in the 90s roll their eyes, but they're important. Women shouldn't feel pressured to make decisions affecting their entire life or to become a parent when they don't want to, no matter what lingering, traditional stereotypes suggest.
It's a standard more women today are embracing than ever, at the sake of their personal well-being and authenticity, rather than "fitting in" with social norms.
11. They want a friend before a partner
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While traditional dating and relationship expectations often place "chemistry" and "lust" at the core of marriages, modern women today expect their partners to be "best friends" before they're romantically involved. They want someone who they not only feel comfortable around, but who they also have fun with navigating the mundanity of everyday life.
Especially considering that many single women have female friendships and women-centric social circles that provide social resources, vulnerability, and support, many refuse to cultivate a romantic relationship that doesn't have that same kind of intentionality at its core.
That's why men often need relationships with women more than they do — women already have the kind of supportive, fulfilling relationships they need to value their lives in other women, so why sacrifice all that time and effort for someone that doesn't necessarily do the same?
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
