When A Man Is Struggling But Doesn't Want You To Know, He'll Usually Do These 11 Things Without Realizing
RealPeopleStudio / Shutterstock Men can be complex. While women are expected to be open about their feelings, men are often told to do the opposite. Women frequently get accused of being too emotional, and men are just as frequently encouraged to keep their struggles to themselves.
Since they are still taught at a young age to bottle up their emotions, it’s not easy for them to admit when they are going through a hard time. They may not want you to know that they are struggling at all. Instead of sharing their difficulties, you may notice their true feelings in their behavior. Is he spending less time with his friends and more time at work? Is he rather distant? These are signs that he may be doing worse than he’d want you to know.
When a man is struggling but doesn't want you to know, he'll usually do these 11 things without realizing
1. He stops socializing
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If a man is struggling more than he wants you to know, you may notice that he socially isolates himself. This means he is no longer prioritizing relationships with his friends and family. Would he usually watch the big game with a group of friends each weekend? Was he a frequent visitor to his parents? If you notice this behavior shift, he may be struggling, but doesn’t want you to know.
If a man is struggling, it may be easier for him to withdraw from the world around him. He likely does not want to talk about what he’s going through. Instead, it’s easier to back away from the people he loves. He may think that distance will help them avoid talking about his problems, when in reality, it can be a sign that he is going through a difficult time.
2. He prioritizes work
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Men can use work as an escape. For some, their work is directly tied to their self-esteem. He may begin to put everything into his work. Instead of balancing life and career, he uses his job as a distraction. He may find satisfaction in the gratification his work brings.
Some psychologists believe that a man must be happy with his career to feel peace in life. If he is not satisfied with his employment, it may take a toll on his mental health. This could be why he dedicates more time to work when he is dealing with struggles.
3. He sleeps less
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Sleep is important. While we all know we need it, it doesn’t always come easily. If a man is struggling, he may lose sleep. It’s something he doesn’t always realize is happening. Sleep helps reset the stress cycle, and without sleep, his stress might get worse.
There is a link between sleep and mood. He may be losing sleep from stress and, unknowingly, worsening his mood as a result. He may stay trapped in this cycle of suffering. If you notice your partner sleeping less, he may be trying to keep his struggles from you.
4. He spends more time in front of the TV
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I don’t know about you, but when I am struggling with something, I am always seeking a distraction. Some men may find solace in the TV. Getting caught up in a show or sports game can take his mind off what is bothering him. He may not realize he is spending more time on the couch than before. However, you may notice.
When someone is stressed and struggling, they may end up wasting time whether they want to or not. They’ll prioritize distractions instead of action. It’s easier than navigating their complex thoughts.
5. He gets irritable
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Irritability can be a side effect of stress and anxiety. If a man is struggling with something, whether it’s a work project or a relationship, he may find himself running low on patience. Things that wouldn't normally get under his skin become a big deal. You may notice he is snappy and on edge. While it’s not always something he sees in himself, this behavior can be difficult to deal with.
One study found that irritability is directly linked to anxiety and depression. If a man is dealing with mental health troubles or an overwhelming amount of stress, you may deal with his constant irritability.
6. He shuts down emotionally
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Sometimes, when a man is struggling, he will do the opposite of what you think he should. Instead of opening up about his feelings, he may bottle them up. If you notice the man of your life is constantly withdrawn, he may be struggling. He might be keeping to himself to avoid showing you what he is going through. He doesn’t want you to know what’s going on, but he may unintentionally show it in his behavior.
It can be easier for him to shut down emotionally and keep his feelings to himself. Opening up about his stress isn’t something he may do naturally. He may not notice he is doing this.
7. He avoids spending time with you
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It’s not uncommon for men to struggle with their emotions. They’ve been taught from an early age to act stoically. It may not come naturally for them to share their thoughts and struggles. Instead, they can pull away from their partner to hide the truth. They may not notice they are doing this, but it happens more than you may realize.
You may notice that they do not call or text you as much throughout the day. Your conversations can come across as surface-level rather than intimate. All he wants is to prevent you from thinking he is weak.
8. He neglects his responsibilities
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We have all been through something difficult. During those moments of pain, it may be easier to disregard everything else in your life. If the feelings are overwhelming, you may not even notice you’re doing it. The same goes for men. When they are in a hard place, things like work and maintaining relationships may fall to the side.
They may begin to act irresponsibly. It could be that they are seeking a temporary distraction from the pain. Whatever they are struggling with, it can be easier to neglect the important things and focus on those that offer a brief moment of happiness.
9. He doesn’t follow through with commitments
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Has someone ever told you that you can count on them for something? Whether it’s completing a task or following through on a promise, you place your trust in them. When someone is going through something, you may notice you can rely on them less. They do not follow through with their commitments and instead, focus on other things to help them cope.
A man may not want you to know he is struggling, but he is unintentionally showing it by not doing what you asked him to do. Completing tasks can be hard when you are going through something. It can also be distracting. He may be forgetful and unaware that it’s noticeable.
10. He stops putting in effort
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Some men are capable of being great partners. They put effort into every aspect of their relationship. From making you feel special to committing fully, these things make a woman feel secure in her relationship. When a man is struggling, it may be difficult for him to show his usual love and compassion to you. It can be a sign that he is going through something he doesn’t want you to see.
When you’re dealing with a struggling man, it may seem like he's quietly quitting your relationship. In reality, he may be distracted by what he has going on in his life. The lack of effort isn’t always personal. He could be dealing with something difficult.
11. He’s eating less
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There is a stereotype about the male appetite. Usually, we picture them eating a lot and often. We’ve all heard the saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If the man in your life is going through something difficult, you may notice his appetite has decreased. He doesn’t eat as much as he used to, and doesn’t get joy from food when he does.
“The body’s fight-or-flight response, triggered by anxiety, can divert focus away from hunger and digestion. This is a primal reaction where the body prioritizes immediate threats over long-term needs like eating,” says Jamie Friedlander. ”Physical symptoms of anxiety, such as nausea and stomach knots, can make the thought of eating unappealing, further suppressing appetite. Increased cortisol levels can also increase stomach acid, leading to discomfort and decreased appetite.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
