Men Who Secretly Don’t Like Themselves Always Use These 11 Phrases When Talking To You
LightField Studios / Shutterstock When we think of insecurity, women are likely the first to come to mind. Society has been cruel to us. Constantly comparing and critiquing the way we look. It’s like we’re never good enough. While women’s self-esteem struggles are always in the spotlight, we may forget that men struggle to.
Men may secretly dislike themselves for many reasons. Some are likely being hard on themselves for previous mistakes. It’s not easy to cut yourself slack and forgive the version of you from the past. They may also struggle with masculinity and the pressure society places on them to show up and be a ‘macho man.’ It’s outdated and can lower their self-esteem if they fall outside of the traditional category. When they feel this way, they may show it through the phrases they use when talking to you.
Men who secretly don’t like themselves always use these 11 phrases when talking to you
1. ‘I’m fine’
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Everyone has been guilty of telling people they were fine when in reality, they were struggling. We say everything is okay because we may fear opening up to other people. If a man secretly struggles with his confidence, he may be afraid to open up to the people in his life. The stereotype that men can never appear weak can make it hard for them to open up. It’s not easy for them to be vulnerable.
The pressures that society places on masculinity can cause men to dislike themselves. When they feel they’re not meeting society’s standards, they may feel self-conscious and try to mask it. When they say ‘I’m fine,’ they could be covering up their true pain.
2. ‘Let’s be realistic’
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Our expectations affect our experience. When a man secretly doesn’t like himself, he may try to intentionally lower your expectations. Instead of giving his all to a situation, he may say something like, ‘Let’s be realistic.’ In this situation, he wants to set the tone. He doesn’t want you to expect too much from him, as he doesn’t believe he is capable of giving it.
Since he lacks confidence, this is an easy way to avoid disappointment. He may think he is a disappointment. Instead, if he exceeds your expectations, he hopes you’ll be happy with him.
3. ‘It is what it is’
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If someone dislikes themselves, they may say something like, ‘It is what it is.’ Instead of trying to improve the area they struggle with, they may blow it off as part of their life. No matter how badly this area impacts his confidence, he may have no desire to change. It can be frustrating from your standpoint. When he’s talking to you, he might try to pull at your emotions with this comment. He’s hoping you will settle for less than you may deserve.
Confidence can be a serious issue that holds people back. Whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship, these issues can arise and affect it. When a man dislikes himself and is fine staying how he is, it’s not healthy for either of you.
4. ‘I don’t care’
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Sometimes, someone who cares deeply will play it off as if they do not care at all. It’s a way to protect themselves. They’ll try to play it off as if something is meaningless to them. In some situations, a man secretly doesn’t like himself, and this can show up in many different ways. He could try to say he doesn’t care about the person he’s with or about the world around him. In reality, he may be struggling to come to terms with his feelings.
Men can struggle to share their true emotions. When they lack self-esteem, it might be easier to say they do not care instead of verbalizing their true feelings. He may say this to you about your relationship, or about a stressful situation in his life. It could be a way to protect himself.
5. ‘I’m just joking’
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If a man secretly dislikes himself, he may try to make himself seem superior to you. One way he can do that is by bringing you down. He may make a vicious statement, and when you show emotions, play it off as a joke. This is a painful way he may try to boost his own self-confidence. Bringing others down can make them feel better about themselves temporarily.
He may say something to get under your skin. His goal could be to make you feel as low as he does. When he says, “I’m just joking,’ he’s playing it off as if he didn’t mean what he said.
6. ‘I’ll survive’
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We’ve all dealt with stressful situations. Life throws curveballs at all of us. Some experiences are more difficult to handle than others. If a man secretly dislikes himself, he may endure different struggles. It could be due to his low self-esteem. Instead of opening up about his true feelings, it can be easier to blow them off. Instead of putting work into overcoming them, they may say, “I’ll survive.’
In reality, their mental health may be weighing them down. In those situations, it can be hard to bounce back. He could say he will survive, but in reality, he feels he may be at his breaking point.
7. ‘I’m not good enough’
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Men can feel inadequate. Whether it’s the pressures society places on them, or their own struggles with self-esteem, finding confidence isn’t always easy. When they say they are not good enough, they could be trying to get attention from you. It could be a way to boost their morale. However, it can also be a genuine call for help. They may feel like nothing they do will ever be good enough.
“The problem for many men is that they are at risk of feeling inadequate overall, as people. Why is that?” asks Iskra Fileva, Ph.D. “It is due to gender norms, or so I wish to argue. While these norms are highly variable and differ both from subculture to subculture within a society and from country to country, some general features can be discerned.”
She explains that because society places these pressures on men, they may feel not good enough if they struggle to meet them.
8. ‘I doubt you’d like it’
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If a man secretly dislikes himself, he may look down on his opinions and interests. He may feel that he isn’t smart or good enough for the people in his life. When he’s explaining something he cares about, he may say something along the lines of, ‘I doubt you’d like it’ to try to avoid embarrassment. He likely thinks that he is under constant judgment.
Saying, ‘I don’t think you’d like it,’ can lower expectations. Whether it’s a show they watch or art they created, by downplaying it, they may be able to protect their feelings. They might be afraid of being judged and easily embarrassed by their interests or work.
9. ‘I’m better off alone’
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It’s not surprising that men who secretly don’t like themselves may fear rejection. With low self-confidence, they may believe they will not be accepted for who they are. Instead of putting themselves out there, they may keep to themselves. They hope to protect themselves from that painful rejection experience, but they are also settling for less than they may deserve.
Whether it’s choosing to stay out of the running for a promotion or never asking the woman of their dreams out on a date, rejection can keep men back from experiencing joy. It often comes down to their secret dislike of themselves.
10. ‘I ruin everything’
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We’ve all heard someone say this. When they claim they ruin everything, they are secretly sharing how little self-esteem they have. They are hard on themselves. This phrase can mean that they are struggling with their mental health. They do not feel good enough. He may think he ruins everything he comes in contact with.
“Ultimately, 'I destroy everything’ doesn’t come from the logical part of our brain. It comes from the emotional part. We say things like this about ourselves when we’re feeling a lot of emotions but don’t know how to describe them,” says Mental Health America.
11. ‘That’s just how I am’
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For some men, it’s easier to say ‘That’s just how I am’ in conversations with you than to thoroughly explain themselves. It might be easier to chalk it up to nature than to dig deep to understand the root cause of our emotions. Since it can be considered taboo for a man to address his feelings head-on, making excuses for their behavior feels like the easy way out. This can be especially relevant when someone has low self-esteem.
Secretly disliking themselves can make them feel vulnerable. It’s not easy to show vulnerability to others. With this, they may play it off as if they are who they are without any attempt to change or work through their feelings.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
