If Someone Feels Safe With You, They’ll Show It In These 11 Subtle Ways
ShotPrime Studio / Shutterstock It’s not always easy to feel comfortable around people. This is something that I have struggled with before. Sometimes, it’s hard to gauge how someone feels about you. These moments can make you feel insecure. However, finding someone you instantly feel a connection with can bring safety and love.
Whether it’s romantic or platonic, feeling safe in a relationship is important. If someone feels comfortable with you, it will show in their behavior. Sometimes, it’s subtle. You’ll notice how they slowly start opening up to you. They’ll let their guard down and ask you for your advice. This person will reach out to you when they are struggling and find comfort in talking through their problems with you. If you keep your eyes open for these subtle things, you’ll be able to tell if someone feels safe with you.
If someone feels safe with you, they’ll show it in these 11 subtle ways
1. They ask for your advice
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Life is hard. Sometimes, we find ourselves navigating difficult situations. When someone truly trusts you, they will come to you when they are struggling. They value your advice. You are the person whose opinion they value most. They will ask you for advice when they need it.
Clinical Counselor and Multicultural Specialist Avary Lin-Ye, LPC, explains that an emotionally safe person is someone you can trust. When someone trusts you deeply, they know you’d never intentionally lead them astray. They value your guidance.
2. They share their problems with you
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Trust means everything. When you truly feel safe with someone, you are comfortable sharing your problems with them. Trust issues are common and prevent people from feeling safe with one another. If you notice someone comes to you with their struggles, it’s a sign they value your friendship. They know that by telling you about what they’re going through, they will be listened to. You provide them the space they need to vent, and that’s why they feel safe around you.
If you notice someone is coming to you more often with personal conversations, it’s a subtle way to tell that they feel safe with you. They do not share that information with just anyone. It’s not easy to open up about things like mental health or relationships. They have found someone they trust in you.
3. They show you their emotions
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Showing emotion takes vulnerability. For many, myself included, opening up to the people around you isn’t always easy. Sharing your most personal feelings with others is overwhelming. It is not something that you feel comfortable doing with just anyone. If someone is willing to show you vulnerability, they’re subtly showing you how safe they feel in your presence.
Being vulnerable allows you to connect. Opening up about your deepest thoughts with someone is special. When you are a safe person, you’ll notice others feel comfortable telling you anything.
4. They aren’t afraid of showing imperfections
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When someone isn’t completely comfortable around you, their behavior will show it. They’ll want to appear perfect. Their downfalls or faults will be covered up. It’s the exact opposite when someone feels safe with you. They know they aren’t perfect and don't try to hide it. It’s something they can sense. They know that you won’t judge them, which brings them comfort.
From the media we consume to the behavior we model, society has never been openly accepting of our flaws. I know that I have tried to hide my own. However, being around someone I trust fully takes the pressure off. It allows you to show up as yourself because you know you’ll be accepted. Imperfections are authentic. They can actually strengthen a bond.
5. They feel relaxed with you
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Have you ever hung out with someone and felt tense? You likely had to pretend to be something you were not, or put on an act to please them? Some people are not a safe space. It may not be intentional on their end, but their energy brought to conversations is not comforting. When someone truly feels safe with you, they instantly feel relaxed.
The conversation is fun and light, but at the same time, it can get comfortably vulnerable. You can subtly tell how they feel even by their body language. If they feel truly safe, they will be relaxed physically and mentally in your presence.
6. They can agree to disagree
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I had a friend I considered close, but I knew I could never disagree with her. She was passionate about pop culture things, and if anyone thought differently, it was grounds for a heated debate. While I enjoyed time with her when she wasn’t in that mindset, I never felt safe to share my true opinions on silly things like musicians and fashion. If someone feels safe with you, they aren’t afraid to share their true feelings with you. They know that if they disagree, it doesn’t matter. You will still stay a positive force in their lives.
“A society without disagreement is not a stable or free society. In order for our ideas to be strong, they need to be able to be challenged,” says communication expert Melody Stanford Martin. “When someone takes the time to disagree with us in a respectful way, we should work to welcome it as a gift and an opportunity to sharpen each other. When we learn to be less threatened and more welcoming of disagreement, many times the quality of our conversations improves.”
7. They respect boundaries
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Boundaries are complicated. While they are difficult to create and enforce, they are important. There are certain topics and efforts we want to avoid. Whether it’s keeping a conversation off-limits or allowing space to regroup to prevent overextending others, boundaries keep our relationships healthy. We have all had friends who had no issue ignoring our boundaries. It’s hurtful to be around people who clearly do not take our feelings seriously. When someone feels truly safe around you, they respect you fully. They would never take advantage of your kindness.
On the other hand, they will also feel safe enough to enforce their own. They know they can trust you to follow them without being upset or taking it personally. These people feel safe around you, no matter what.
8. They are genuine
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When someone feels safe with you, it will subtly show up in how they treat you. They are genuine friends. When trust and care are mutual, they feel comfortable. In return, they will provide you with the support you give them. They will mirror your trustworthiness and kindness. Since you serve as such a selfless friend to them, they will genuinely do the same for you.
“Our friends who are the most happy and positive are the ones who are grounded, who care, and who do not always think about themselves. They are able to understand their own life experience but are not consumed by their own problems. Instead, they take action to help solve the problems of others,” says Greta Gleissner, LCSW.
9. They aren't afraid to ask you for help
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Let’s be honest, it can be terrifying to ask for help. Sharing that you are struggling is never easy. Add asking a favor from someone to it, and it feels nearly impossible. If you are someone’s safe space, they will never be afraid to ask for help. They trust you. It’s clear to them that you are always there when they need you. They can count on you to help them at no cost. It’s easy for them to let their guard down and share the deepest pieces of their soul.
If someone is struggling with their mental or physical health, they can feel lonely. When they can sort through their own emotions, it is helpful for them to turn to friends and family for support and guidance. You’ll be able to tell that someone is safe around you when they start to confide in you. If they ask you for help, know it’s because they trust you.
10. They can be their true self with you
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You may notice someone is especially silly or goofy when they are around you. They’re not uptight. It’s the opposite. They’re hilarious and unafraid to say what they think. They can let their guard down when they spend time with you. It’s always a good time, and they are not afraid to let loose. This is a subtle sign that they feel safe around you.
It’s common to be self-conscious in social situations. It can feel like everyone around you is passing judgment. When someone is truly comfortable with you, they are not struggling to impress you or say the right thing. They know that you like them for who they are.
11. They take what you say to heart
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Vulnerability is everything when someone feels safe in your presence. These friends want to hear what you have to say. Whether you are giving them advice or opening up about your own feelings, they listen. They practice active listening, making sure you feel heard. Often, they’ll reference what you talked about in other conversations, which shows they retained it. When they are safe with you, they want you to feel the same.
They will check in with you often. They want to make sure that you have the same support you give them. Someone feels safe around you when they take what you say to heart. They not only listen, but they also implement the things you tell them.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
