The Art Of Being True To Yourself: 3 Simple Habits Of People Who Know Who They Really Are
They don't pretend or people-please.
David Hurley | Unsplash How important is it to be true to yourself? In a world that's constantly telling you who to be and how to live, knowing yourself might be the most revolutionary act there is. The people who truly know themselves stand out.
Occasionally, we meet people who couldn't care less what we think of them. They just live their life. They didn't unlock this knowledge through some mystical revelation or years of soul-searching in isolation. They simply cultivated a few powerful habits that keep them connected to their authentic selves.
Here are 3 simple habits of people who know who they really are:
1. They know what's best for themselves
Even your parents, teachers, or coaches don’t know what’s best for you, really. You can get their help in identifying what that may be, but that job is ultimately yours alone to decide, declare, and live.
Succumbing to what others want you to do robs you of your power, robs the world of your greatest contributions, and, unless stopped, will be the biggest regret of your life. By "being the rain," you cause others to have to deal with and make adjustments to you, rather than the other way around.
Internal self-awareness is the ability to clearly see your own values, passions, aspirations, strengths, weaknesses, and emotions. Studies confirm that this knowledge is an important first step toward making positive changes in your life and pursuing meaningful, fulfilling goals.
People will respect and admire you for being true to yourself. When you live your truth as authentically, kindly, and straightforwardly as you possibly can, everyone benefits.
2. They don’t chase approval
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And you won’t seek it, either, because you approve of yourself. Others won’t feel manipulated into having to like you, or else you’ll break down and cry. People don’t realize how much pressure they put on others to like them. Those on the receiving end of that pressure feel trapped, like they have no choice. They end up resenting us for it.
Also, we don’t realize how much pressure we put on ourselves to have others like us. We end up resenting ourselves because we’ll do things that aren’t something we really want to do.
Research has shown that external validation can hinder personal growth, damage relationships, and contribute to anxiety and depression. On the other hand, developing internal validation supports a stronger sense of self, competence, and meaningful connections.
We end up sacrificing our own sense of integrity and selling out our values to be liked. That doesn’t work.
3. They have their own back
Put another way, you won’t let them like you or love you more than you like or love yourself. If they do, then you basically will be calling them a liar because you'll be thinking, "If they really knew me, they wouldn’t like me," or something like this.
You don’t want to be wrong about how "right" you are about how messed up you are, so you end up making them wrong instead. This leaves them with only four options:
- They agree with you and leave because they want to be with a better partner than you.
- They agree with you and stay because they want to beat up on someone like you.
- They disagree with you and leave disappointed because they see you as greater than you see yourself, and they can’t bear to watch you hurt yourself anymore.
- They disagree with you and leave after continuously feeling invalidated by you because you won’t let them make a difference with you, or they care more about your happiness than you do.
Ultimately, no one can do for you what you won’t do for yourself. Self-esteem and self-love are inside jobs. Whenever I’m faced with tough choices, I listen to my heart and then look to the sky as I think about the rain. I do this because I want to identify my truth and then live it.
Self-love reduces anxiety and depression by promoting self-compassion and can encourage healthier behaviors and positive interpersonal relationships. One study explained that self-love serves as a foundation for setting boundaries, achieving personal goals, and maintaining a strong sense of self-worth.
If you’re nervous or don’t know if some of your thoughts or ideas will work, trust your heart. If you sell yourself out, everyone loses, especially you. So, "rain" your blessings down upon us. Some of us may not like getting wet, but all of us like drinking water.
Tony Vear is a coach, writer, program creator, and workshop leader with over 30 years of experience in the fields of relationships, communication, and personal development, along with 10+ years of coaching and leading educational programs.
