People With Seriously High Standards Almost Always Avoid These 11 Low-Value Conversations
Gush Photography | Shutterstock Setting high expectations for yourself can be healthy, giving you goals to strive toward and motivation to achieve; however, unrealistic, perfectionist expectations may isolate you from others. The same goes for personal standards. If they’re high, but reasonable, they serve as healthy boundaries and protection mechanisms, but if they’re unrealistic, they isolate you from healthy people and relationships.
However, people with reasonably high standards typically use them as reminders of what they’re willing to tolerate. They don’t allow people to treat them with disrespect, and don’t waste their personal time tailoring to people who drain their energy. Even in small and seemingly subtle interactions, people with seriously high standards almost always avoid these low-value conversations.
People with seriously high standards almost always avoid these 11 low-value conversations
1. Gossiping about people not in the room
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Not only is gossip, in general, draining and negative for people who choose not to feed into it, but talking about people who aren’t in the room behind their back feels like a betrayal.
People with high standards don’t keep people in their lives who are worth talking badly about. They don’t keep toxic friends around or give second and third chances to bad partners — they walk away and feed into themselves.
So, while they might vent to people they trust about personal issues in their relationships, they’re never talking negatively behind someone’s back for the sake of bonding or feeding into a gossipy conversation.
2. Complaining with no action
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People with high standards for themselves understand that personal growth and accountability often take a certain level of discomfort, as a study from Psychological Science explains. They don’t expect the world to throw change and success into their laps — they know they have to take charge themselves.
That’s part of the reason why they almost always avoid conversations with chronic complainers, who vent about the world and their lack of achievement, usually without taking any personal action. They’d prefer to shift responsibility onto everyone else, and that kind of immaturity is draining and contagious.
3. Entertaining people who always play the victim
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Many narcissistic, deeply insecure people are more likely to perceive themselves as “the victim,” even when they’re the perpetrator of harm. They’d prefer to lie and change the narrative to avoid accountability and protect their self-image, even if it comes at the expense of the people around them.
However, people with standards for themselves and others almost always avoid low-value conversations with these kinds of people. They don’t tolerate blame-shifting behavior, won’t be gaslit into taking accountability for their own hurt, and refuse to make space for people who lean to make others feel worse to support their own superiority.
4. Superficial drama
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Many insecure, attention-seeking people rely on drama in their conversations to seem important or “real,” but they often drain the energy from well-intentioned people and spark an exhaustive cycle of negativity for the people in their lives. That’s why people with seriously high standards almost always avoid these low-value conversations.
They’re protecting themselves from the contagious nature of negative energy, but they’re also protecting the people who are most at risk by feeding into these conversations. That’s why they’re not just commonly walking away, they’re also shutting down these conversations and the performative drama that comes from superficial topics.
They’re sticking up for people who don’t know how to distance themselves from this drama, even if it’s not always easy or comfortable.
5. Passive-aggressiveness masked as humor
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According to marriage and family therapist Phil Stark, many passive-aggressive people use humor and jokes to mask their cruelty and mean remarks. They overuse phrases like “it’s just a joke” and leverage sarcasm to avoid taking accountability for hurting other people, but someone with high standards is always cognizant of their ploys for attention and self-indulgence.
Someone who cares about making conversations feel safe and protects their own personal peace in social interactions won’t tolerate this kind of draining language. They expect the people in their lives to take accountability for mistakes and to be intentional about their language, and if they’re not willing to lean into the discomfort of taking responsibility, they’re not worth keeping around.
6. Overcomplicated, inaccessible work topics
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Many intelligent people, who have high standards around leadership and accessibility, will work to make things understandable and simple, especially at work. They don’t rely on corporate speak to make themselves seem more important, and they don’t try to overcomplicate simple topics just to inflate their own perceived intelligence.
People with seriously high standards almost always avoid these kinds of conversations, not just for their own personal well-being and productivity, but also to make their workplace environments and conversations more accessible for everyone to feel comfortable in.
7. Forcing intimacy by oversharing
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When people feel uncomfortable or awkward in social interactions, they’re often more likely to overshare to cultivate a misleading, misguided sense of intimacy and closeness. They think that being vulnerable will always allow people to feel more attached and comfortable, but in these kinds of conversations, they usually leave people feeling weird and put off.
That’s part of the reason why people with seriously high standards almost always avoid these low-value conversations. They’d prefer to cultivate true, deep, and meaningful bonds and conversations with the people in their lives that they trust. They don’t try to bypass small talk with misguided vulnerability — they prefer to cultivate that on their own terms.
8. Replaying old conflicts and grudges
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Part of what makes people with high standards healthier and happier is their ability to resolve conflict in the moment. They’re set up for long-term health and well-being because they don’t hold onto negativity or grudges that consistently drain their energy.
That’s why they don’t replay old conflicts and talk about grudges in a low-value conversation — when they have a problem with someone or a concern in their relationship, they bring it up directly and resolve it in the moment.
9. Bragging about goals before achieving them
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Being around people who are always trying to “one-up” your goals and invalidate your excitement is draining to be around. They’re always sabotaging their own progress by bragging about goals before achieving them, and they usually make you feel worse about yourself every single time you chat.
These people thrive not on personal growth and development, but by feeling more important than others. Every relationship in their life is transactional, every goal is simply something to brag about, and every change they make in their life is intended to be something they’ll inevitably be praised for.
However, people with high standards often craft their goals, lives, and relationships around what brings joy and security to them, which is why they almost avoid these kinds of low-value conversations.
10. Pressure to compare themselves
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If someone is constantly pressured by peers to compare themselves or to change their personal standards to better suit social expectations, chances are they’re going to be unhappy. They’re not crafting relationships, habits, and conversations fueled by their own sense of authenticity, but rather by what makes them more appealing to the people around them.
Social comparisons don’t just sabotage your mental and social health — they can also have severe health impacts. You’re lonely, isolated, and constantly crafting unrealistic expectations when you’re trying to be everyone but yourself. It’s draining, which is why people with high standards avoid these low-value conversations in favor of ones that amplify their authenticity.
11. Circular arguments
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If someone’s arguing just for the sake of expressing their inner turmoil or trying to “win,” rather than seek a shared resolution, these kinds of conversations will never go anywhere. They’re circular, meaning they’ll continue over and over again until one person is too drained to continue.
People with seriously high standards almost always avoid these low-value conversations. They’d prefer to have intellectual debates, resolve conflicts, and craft healthy arguments with their loved ones that feel productive, rather than egotistical and exhausting.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
