Before You Turn 40, You Should Know These 10 Dark Psychology Tricks Before They're Used On You
dekazigzag | Shutterstock The dark side of emotional intelligence, usually crafted by narcissists and manipulative people, is what defines psychological "tricks." If someone can leverage their own insights, social awareness, and weaponized empathy to create a false sense of trust or affection with someone, they have more power to control them. Even if the signs of these tricks are subtle and hard to recognize, when you understand how toxic people use them, you're more likely to have the skills to stand your ground.
Before you turn 40, you should know these dark psychology tricks before they're used on you. From love-bombing in relationships to dealing with a misguided sense of urgency at work, you're stronger and more self-assured when you know how to recognize manipulation, even in its most subtle forms.
Before you turn 40, you should know these 10 dark psychology tricks before they're used on you
1. Misleading urgency
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Many bosses, peers, and loved ones will rely on a misleading sense of urgency to get what they want immediately — to satisfy their need for immediate attention or gratification. A boss who overuses "ASAP" or a partner who makes a need feel incredibly urgent are probably compensating for a lack of effort or responsibility on their end.
Of course, some things truly are urgent, but when someone makes everything a top priority all of the time, it becomes a "boy who cried wolf" situation at some point.
2. Selective honesty
Many people who leverage the psychological trick of "selective honesty" rely on excuses like "I didn't lie" to justify their misleading portrayals, but if they're trying to justify their lack of honesty, that's a red flag. A healthy person, who's not afraid to have hard conversations, will be open and honest to the best of their ability. They'll own up to being secretive and will never try to justify lying in any capacity.
They won't try to share certain things and hide others, stretching the definition of honesty to fit their needs. They'll be honest in every capacity, in all of their relationships, and even when it's uncomfortable.
3. Playing the victim
While "playing the victim" and trying to deflect responsibility when they've made a mistake is most commonly associated with narcissistic behaviors, many people rely on a chronic sense of victimhood to self-soothe. Especially if playing the victim allows them to avoid the discomfort of accountability, they'll always say things like "it's not my fault" or "I'm always the bad guy" to shift blame.
Before you turn 40, you should know about these dark psychology tricks before they're used on you, because in the moment, we're often pressured to offer sympathy to people we see in a victimized position. But they're not always honest or real.
4. Weaponized chaos
By overcomplicating their language, making things intentionally confusing, and weaponizing chaos, narcissistic and manipulative people can get what they want by creating doubt. If nobody understands what's going on, of course they're going to trust the person who seems to "have it all figured out."
However, truly supportive, intelligent people are always working to make things more understandable and accessible for the people they're around, according to a study from WIREs Cognitive Science. So, if you notice someone overusing corporate speak and making things confusing to boost their own intelligence, chances are they're compensating for something or trying to manipulate people's sense of reality.
5. Constantly shifting goalposts
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If someone thrives on making other people do work for them or weaponizing guilt to get what they want, chances are they don't care about setting clear expectations. Whether it's a boss or a partner, they're constantly shifting and moving goalposts to better suit their needs.
When you accomplish something around these people, it's never enough. When you show up, you're too late. They're always moving expectations and changing standards of success to avoid simply celebrating you and your accomplishments.
6. Guilt-tripping
Weaponizing guilt and shame, two of the most powerful complex emotions we experience, for personal gain, is a psychological trick that you should learn before you turn 40, before people start to use it on you. Whether it's phrases like "after everything I've done for you" or weaponizing someone's empathy against them constantly, guilt-trippers act subtly to undermine respect and appreciation in their relationships.
According to licensed psychologist Lynn Margolies, many guilt-trippers are trying to compensate for and comfort their own fears of rejection, failure, or isolation. They try to make empathetic people feel guilty for not showing up or meeting their needs, even if there's little to no reciprocity.
However, no matter your age, you should feel empowered to set boundaries and express yourself without an external filter. Your friends and loved ones shouldn't make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself.
7. Making things feel scarce
Whether it's an opportunity or a social plan, people often manipulate others into doing what they want by making things feel "scarce." They use phrases like "it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" or "you won't see this again" to make things feel exclusive and fleeting, usually to gain something or manipulate someone in a certain way.
Even if it seems harmless, this kind of perceived scarcity can often harm personal well-being, relationships, and cognition. Even if it's just a friend saying something like "I'm going to be gone for so long" to justify spending time together, the guilt and misleading scarcity they're leveraging are not without consequences.
8. Love-bombing
Love-bombing is when someone bombards you with affectionate language and behavior, usually at the beginning of a relationship or connection, when they don't understand or know you well. Even if it feels exciting and full of positive emotions in the moment, it's a psychological trick and manipulation tactic often used by people seeking control over you.
That's why it's one of the tricks you should learn and be able to notice before you turn 40, so it's not used on you in manipulative ways. You deserve a relationship founded on trust, mutual affection, respect, and honesty, not misleading love and manipulation.
9. Strategic silence
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Otherwise known as the "silent treatment," people who use strategic silence to manipulate people are subtly taking advantage of your bond or empathy. They avoid conversations, withhold responses, and stop speaking to you entirely, usually to weaponize guilt to pressure you into something you don't want to do.
Even though it's typically tied to a person's insecurity, it can often prompt harmful feelings of rejection, shame, anxiety, and fear that linger in a person's mind and relationship, according to psychologist Bernard Golden.
10. Isolation
If someone is talking negatively about your friends, demonizing your sense of individuality, and making you feel alone, chances are they're going to benefit in some way by isolating you. Manipulative people often cling to the most vulnerable victims, because they're easiest to control.
If you don't have friends, supportive loved ones, and general access in your life, these people have more power to manipulate you in whatever way they want.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
