If Your Adult Child Still Does These 11 Things, You Raised Them Well
Maryna Brohovska / Shutterstock While a balance between parental warmth, strictness, and expectations all play a role in your adult children’s well-being, according to a study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, the true key to being a great parent starts with intentionality. Can you be intentional with communication and quality time? Can you show up when it really matters and support your kids with a positive intention?
It can be chaotic and challenging to understand whether or not you’re doing a good job as a parent, but if your adult child still does some specific things when they're grown, you raised them well.
If your adult child still does these 11 things, you raised them well
1. They come to visit without expectations
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One of the easiest ways to tell if you raised your child well is how they treat you now. If they love coming over, spending quality time together, and turn to you when they need support, chances are you’ve cultivated a positive dynamic and relationship.
Of course, adults are often happiest when they spend time with their kids, which can lead to some guilt-tripping behaviors when natural disconnection sets in. However, if kids are reaching out and coming over on their own terms without any kind of internalized shame, that’s a great sign of a bonded, connected, and happy relationship.
2. They take accountability often
According to a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, people who regularly take accountability and personal responsibility in their lives often boast higher levels of personal well-being and life satisfaction. They’re accountable for mistakes, but also for personal goals and relationships.
However, these behaviors often stem from childhood and parents who modeled similar behaviors. So, if your adult child does these things often and never blames other people for their own mistakes, you raised them well.
3. They’re great active listeners
From asking thoughtful questions to listening before responding, and noticing social shifts in energy that draw people in, great active listeners often embrace the joys of conversation in their everyday lives. They connect with people on a deeper level, even if they’re strangers, and make people feel heard in important ways.
Of course, being a great listener isn’t something that happens overnight. While adults can learn to practice these small behaviors and communicative shifts, the emotional intelligence that lies at the foundation starts in childhood. Having parents who made space for your emotions and listened without judgment is the model for these adult kids to thrive.
4. They’re respectful, even when they disagree
Of course, mutual respect is so important in our relationships later in life, but we learn how to be respectful from our parents. So, if we watched our parents have unproductive, mean arguments as kids or didn’t learn to regulate our emotions amid chaos, chances are disrespect is a second nature.
So, if your adult child still treats people with respect, regardless of whether or not they agree with them, you raised them well. You taught them to lead with respect and compassion, regardless of appearance, occupation, wealth, or the environment, and they’re better off today because of it.
5. They make time for productive hobbies
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Whether it’s reading before bed, disconnecting from their phones to appreciate alone time, or moving their bodies in an empowering way every single day, if your adult child still makes time for their own hobbies, you raised them well. Not only do they get all the benefits of intentional time alone, but they are also happier and healthier because of it.
Like other life skills and lessons, we often learn to set these routines from our parents. If our parents made it a ritual to indulge in a hobby or do chores, we’re more likely to follow those routines in adulthood.
6. They’re responsible with their money
According to a study from the University of Michigan, children begin to develop attitudes about money from their parents as young as five years old. From emotions tied to finances to financial literacy, how a parent operates around and talks about money plays a large role in how secure a child is with money as they grow up.
So, if your adult child saves money, makes responsible financial decisions, and feels safe talking about money in their personal lives, you raised them well.
7. They offer help and support often
Especially if your adult kids are showing up, offering help, and supporting people without keeping score in their relationships, you raised them well. So many kids who grow up in transactional homes end up cultivating similar relationships later in life, when they’re unwilling to lead with empathy unless they’re getting something in return.
However, empathetic parents who create safe spaces for everyone to be vulnerable and open remind their kids that there’s joy in helping others. Even if they’re not expecting it, kindness without expectation has its benefits, too.
8. They reflect on their behaviors
True self-awareness isn’t just about emotional intelligence or noticing personal behaviors. It’s also about accepting them graciously and acting on them to grow, according to a study published in Europe’s Journal of Psychology. So, if your adult child is aware of their own struggles, mistakes, and patterns of behavior, accepts them, and grows as a person, you raised them well.
We often learn emotional intelligence from our parents and practice it in our childhood environments. So, if you notice they’re regulated in the face of stress or aware of their own behaviors in conversations, you were the person who set the foundation.
9. They lean into hard conversations
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Whether it’s an argument at home or a hard conversation asking for help, if your adult child isn’t afraid of challenge, you raised them right. While overly strict and authoritarian parents urge their kids into anxious and avoidant behaviors, a warm, secure childhood environment encourages kids to appreciate challenges and self-growth, because they have the foundations to lean in.
Even when it comes to being self-assured enough to ask for help, adult children form better relationships, professional success, and learning opportunities because of their abilities.
10. They take care of themselves
Learning to lean into self-care and take care of yourself comes from your parents. If they modeled a healthy relationship with themselves and urged you to appreciate your own company, you’re probably a happier, healthier adult because of it.
So if your adult child still sets boundaries, leans into self-care, and carves out solitude for themselves, you raised them well.
11. They speak kindly about people
While leaning into rumors and gossip can often provide moments of bonding in relationships without much depth, someone who consistently spreads more drama and negativity than joy is likely coping with something more insidious on the inside. However, if your adult child still speaks positively about people behind their back, even when they’ve been wrong, you raised them right.
They appreciate the ease of forgiveness and grace that comes from speaking kindly about people, and are often much happier and healthier because of it.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
