People Who Feel Worn Down By Life Often Show These 11 Quiet Behaviors
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock When we think of someone who is stressed and burnt out, we might imagine someone who is completely falling apart at the seams. However, for many people, feeling worn down by life doesn't look that dramatic at all. Instead, it shows up in quiet behaviors.
Most of the time, they're still getting through what needs to be done. They go through the day, almost as if they're on autopilot, but deep inside, things feel so much heavier. From the outside, it seems as if nothing is wrong, but they might actually be struggling to show up with a smile on their face. That level of exhaustion develops gradually, as their nervous system tries to warn them that they can't keep pushing themselves and pretending everything is fine.
People who feel worn down by life often show these 11 quiet behaviors
1. They feel guilty for needing help
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There can be a lot of guilt when it comes to admitting that you need help. It can sometimes feel as if you're doing something wrong rather than leaning on the people in your corner for support. It could be because you've always been someone who's considered reliable, or you've always managed to figure things out for yourself.
"The refusal to ask for help is a kind of sickness in itself, even a kind of arrogance — the blind insistence on doing it all by yourself, no matter what—because along with it comes the message that no one’s help is worth the price in vulnerability it will cost you, that ultimately no one can console you, no one can ease your pain, if you yourself can’t," explained behavioral specialist Gregg Levoy.
But admitting that you might actually need help can feel like you're failing yourself, but in reality, it's the complete opposite. You might worry about taking up too much space or asking for too much. Even when people are actively reaching out to offer help because they can see that you're struggling, part of you feels as if it's fine to manage on your own.
2. They avoid talking about the future
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Thinking ahead can feel overwhelming when the present moment already takes up too much energy. When you're already worn down by what life is throwing in your way, it's hard to envision things changing or even getting better. Future plans come with expectations that can only bring more pressure. "The inability to visualize a positive future for yourself can have many deleterious impacts on the developmental stages of a human life cycle," insisted licensed psychotherapist Annie Wright.
Talking about what's next means really having to commit to a version of yourself that you're not even sure you can reach at the current moment. When things feel as heavy as they do right now, anything beyond the moment you're living in and experiencing right now can feel hopeless. So, when someone brings up long-term goals or even asks where you're going to be in the next five years, you might clam up or change the subject entirely.
3. They downplay their exhaustion with humor
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You might find yourself constantly making jokes about being tired and overworked rather than admitting you're running on empty. Laughing it off sounds a lot better than breaking down, and it gives the illusion that you're self-aware enough to acknowledge it without the struggle of having to answer follow-up questions or even do something about the exhaustion.
"While many people use–and justify–self-deprecating humor, the evidence strongly suggests that there are few benefits to this form of humor. People tend to rationalize the defenses they use, rather than acknowledge problems and make concerted, organized efforts to address them–even when people ardently want to change," pointed out psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner.
Humor allows you to jump in front of it first. If you keep making these constant jokes about it, then it won't be that big of a deal. There might even be fear of opening up and being vulnerable about your mental state in the first place. You don't want to bring the mood down, so instead, you crack these jokes and hope that will be enough.
4. They apologize for things that aren't really their fault
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You might find yourself apologizing automatically, sometimes even before you can think about whether that apology is needed in the first place. When you're already exhausted by life, the idea of being in any kind of tension can feel overwhelming. In your mind, saying sorry feels like the best way to move past an awkward situation or stop something from escalating.
"When we apologize repeatedly out of fear and anxiety, we rope in everyone around us, which can be associated with their rejecting us, most likely due to their exhaustion and resentment. When others accept the anxious sorry, they participate in the negative reinforcement cycle and therefore exacerbate the behavior," explained licensed clinical psychologist Gregory Chasson.
Even if you're not the one who did anything wrong, you might find that apologizing feels so much easier than trying to explain yourself. You're tired and just trying to keep the peace, even though you might not be directly responsible for things.
5. They crave rest but struggle to truly relax
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You might look forward to finally kicking up your feet and resting for the first time in a long time, but when you finally decide to do that, your mind can't seem to get the memo. Even when there's absolutely nothing demanding your attention, your thoughts keep circling and circling. You're replaying moments that happened during the day, thinking about the long list of demands that need your attention, or just searching for something productive to do because you can't fathom just sitting and resting for hours at a time.
It's as if your nervous system hasn't gotten the message that it's more than okay to close your eyes. After such long periods of doing everything under the sun, it can be hard to reprogram your body and mind to recognize that it's finally time to rest.
"Encourage your mind to come to rest at least occasionally. Tell yourself you can worry/problem-solve/grumble later. The mind/brain is like a muscle (for example, using willpower consumes extra glucose much like lifting weights does) and it needs to stop working sometimes to replenish and rebuild itself," said psychologist Rick Hanson.
6. They forget simple things more often
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When you're incredibly exhausted and just bogged down from the obstacles that life has thrown in your path, even the smallest of tasks can end up requiring more effort than usual. You start forgetting things like upcoming appointments or plans you've made with friends.
It's usually a sign that your mental energy is being stretched way too thin, and you might need to take a break. Suddenly forgetting things that you may have been able to remember with ease can make it seem as if you simply don't care when that's not the case at all. It's just that your brain can't hold all this information at once, especially when it's experiencing high levels of stress and burnout.
7. They eat out of convenience, not hunger
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Planning meals can feel like a full-time job when you really don't have the energy for it. Trying to make a grocery list, carve out time to actually go shopping, and then come home to plan and cook meals can be completely beyond your capacity. So now, eating becomes more about just ticking a box so you don't end up passing out, or worse, rather than actually nourishing yourself.
You're grabbing what's easiest, which usually ends up being takeout or something prepackaged. Choosing convenience means that you can just make one decision quickly and move on to the other things you need to handle. In the moment, it feels as if you're avoiding another source of stress by figuring out what you need to eat.
8. They avoid deep conversations
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The last thing someone wants to do when they're feeling worn down by life is to sit down with loved ones and try to be vulnerable. Deep conversations usually require a level of honesty and staying engaged with the person you're talking to. That can feel quite impossible to someone who's running with a smidge of gas in their tank.
Even topics you might've once loved to explore suddenly feel heavier than usual. So, you end up avoiding it altogether. Instead, you stick to surface-level talks that don't need much energy from you. You aren't delving deep, which in turn can make the feelings of stress even worse because you're not really getting anything off your chest.
9. They feel relief when plans get canceled
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When you're already being stretched too thin, the reality of plans being suddenly canceled can bring tears to your eyes. While you still want to make sure you're socializing and seeing your friends, these interactions can feel like a lot when you already have a lot on your plate. Rather than being labeled as a flake, you agree to these plans even when all you want to do is stay home and rot on your couch.
So, when the plans suddenly fall through, it gives you an opportunity not to have to be "on" for the friends in your life, at least right in that moment. These moments of plans no longer happening mean you might actually have a chance to recharge and be ready for when you're meeting up with your friend some other time.
10. They avoid checking emails or notifications
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It's not about being lazy, but about attempting to protect the little bit of mental energy that you have left. Every time your phone buzzes or your email chimes, a sense of dread washes over you that you need to handle another responsibility when you already have a long list of demands that need your attention.
Seeing the notification pop up can add to already feeling too overwhelmed. In the moment, it can feel easier to swipe it away or close out your email. The idea of having to respond feels like a task that you can't handle in that moment. So, you simply put it on pause until you're better equipped to deal with the messages.
11. They feel disconnected from who they used to be
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You weren't always someone who was bogged down by the expectations and stress of life. At one point, you led an easygoing, fun life, socializing with friends and taking the necessary rest days. But one day, you might catch yourself realizing that the past version of yourself feels quite distant from who you are right now.
The person you once were had more room to dream and explore. Now, every small decision can feel so heavy, and the thought of being that spontaneous again might feel incredibly out of reach. It's a frustrating realization to come to. You're now wondering how you can get that version of yourself back amid all the responsibilities and stress right now.
"You still have your feelings. They are inside you, ready and waiting. They can work with you, not against you, to add meaning, purpose, joy, and color to your life. All you need to do is engage with them differently," encouraged psychologist Jonice Webb.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
